Asking about credit score on a date?

Since money is the primary source of conflicts in relationships, don't you think knowing the credit score of the person you are dating would be relevant?

They typically ask for your income, but I think credit score is even more relevant because it reveals how the person handles money. What do you think? How would you react if someone was asking about your credit score on a date or before a date?

  • Yes
    12% (1)10% (1)11% (2)Vote
  • No
    88% (7)90% (9)89% (16)Vote
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Updates:
Thanks to everybody for answering.

I can't help but think a lot of people when asked directly that kind of question have a knee jerk reaction. Somehow that feels bizarre and taboo. Yet, money is at the center of many couples conflicts and an obvious factor in the dating game. For example a guy giving clues of being well financially attracts a lot more women (it is shown that for guys high income on dating website is a key factor like height).

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Most Helpful Girl

  • While money is a major factor in conflicts within relationships, the issues usually run deeper. A bad credit score may represent that one is bad at handling money, but it doesn't always say whether or not that person is relationship material.

    I know people with great credit scores who are terrible at relationships and know many with terrible credit scores that know how to be great partners. Some of us were born with bad money blueprints and literally have to fumble through mistakes to figure out how to handle money. Sometimes we are victims of family pressure or even fraud which can directly affect credit scores.

    I get the idea that it can be a good inductor of character, but it cannot stand alone. Other factors must be considered like age, background, environment, and how they are handling the issue at present, their plans.

    Money problems do cause conflicts, but the real issues usually stem from not having shared goals. It's a red herring. If two people are content with living like poppers, money won't be an issue no matter how poor and low their credit score is. One wanting more than the other is willing to work for is the real argument.

    It's about congruency.

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    • I agree. I consider knowing how financially responsible the person is an important thing, not the only important thing of course. And knowing credit score is just a quick way to get that knowledge, that's all.

    • I totally see your point. Financial security is absolutely attractive. It is the great equalizer. A guy that is 5'4 suddenly doesn't seem so short when he's standing on his cash. Money and credit score although related are not one in the same. All I'm saying is that credit score should be judged in context. Great question by the way.

    • thanks. For what ever reason it seems that people couldn't stand the idea of it and were very hasty to judge. But I thought it could generate an interesting discussion. It's OK if people don't agree too! Seems that today people can't even talk to each other if they don't agree. Like politicians always bickering instead of talking constructively. Anyway, thanks for spending some of your time on my question!

What Girls Said 8

  • I disagree that a credit score tells you everything about how a person handles money, though it depends on age to some extent. For instance, someone fresh out of school (say, for the past two years or so) will probably have a low score due to not having any credit at all. Or, that person comes from a lower-income background where he/she was not raised to know how to handle money well. They might have a low score, but in the past year they've done research on handling personal finances and are working to improve their credit. Would you discount this person based on their initial credit score, even if they've greatly improved their money-handling skills? Ultimately, I think you could ask about this if it's a deal breaker for you, but I would challenge you to expand your thinking beyond low credit score = irresponsible.

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    • Sure, some people have poor credit score for reasonable reason so I wouldn't discard someone out of the bat because of it, but I'd probe carefully to know why and base my opinion on the healthiness of that person when it comes to handling money based on what I'm told as a whole.

    • Oh, okay. Well as long as you're okay with the fact that this might automatically turn away some prospective partners, then go ahead if it's that important to you.

  • If a guy asked me about my credit score, it would be a sure signs hat we're not on the same wavelength when it comes to dating. So yeah, ask away. I like finding out sooner rare than later when it's just not going to work.

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    • why would be such a deal breaker though? That's what I'm interested in knowing. Isn't it more relevant than many other things being discussed on dates?

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    • I understand. But tome, financial standing isn't too important. Obviously if they were a complete disaster and gambled away our life savings, then yeah, would of be great, but otherwise, I think these things just seem to work themselves out. I just don't think for me, it's something I care enough about to probe into, and couldn't see myself with someone who holds it in such high regard.

    • fair enough. To me since I know how badly stressful money matter can get I new ideas to do things better

  • No one has ever asked about my income, nor have I asked them.

    Early in a relationship, dating, or before dating these questions would be a red flag to me that this person was very materialistic. Plus, I have enough trouble with men looking for a Sugar Mama that I would never EVER provide this information to anyone. Hell, my ex-husband never even knew my true income!

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    • I'm not asking about income, I'm asking about credit score. Credit score is a reflection of how someone handles money not what their income is. For example if you are crippled with credit card debts and defaulted on your payments for a while your credit score will be low.

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    • It is the kind of thing you learn about someone over time. Credit score and/or income are not my primary concerns when I meet someone. I want someone for love and companionship. If things become serious then it is something to review...and like many obstacles can be overcome.

    • sure I see where you're coming from. But I think since a significant portion of relationships break down because of money issues, it's rather logical to not wait until you're committed to another, living with that person, emotionally attached, married etc... before having a good idea about what the other person is about when it comes to dealing with money. Getting together is all about love, but splitting is apparently a lot about money. Kinda bizarre.

  • Discussing incomes/credit scores is a conversation that should happen when considering marriage, not when considering a second date. Money is a major reason why marriages fall apart, not why boyfriends and girlfriends split up. If one member of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship expects the other to pay for everything or they pool their money together, that's just bad. All experts will tell you that it's unwise to pool your money with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

    If I were asked about my finances on a first date I'd just get up and leave. My money is my money and how much there is is nobody's business but mine.

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    • I totally disagree. I think many women don't like to talk about their financial status and habits because they don't think it is an emotional part of a relationship and thus they fear judgement.But since guys pay for the dates and don't like to be used financially and shoulder a lot of the problems once marriage ends-up in divorce, they have a bigger incentive to probe how the girl relate to money. I think you look at it only from your point of view and refuse to see from my perspective

  • My reaction? > blink > tilt head to the side > then finally say "whats wrong with you?" ...seriously who does that on a date? that is not the kind of conversation I would want to be having on a date. And who heck 'typically' asks for their income. Like others, I would not answer this nor would I ask.

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  • What? People typically ask for your income on a date? o_O

    I would be extremely uncomfortable with either of those questions and I would never ask either of them.

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  • Lol this would be like asking me how much I weigh or how many people I'd slept with on a date. Are you crazy? You can ask, but you won't get another date.

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    • I don't need to know your weight, I can see your figure on a date and know how much attraction there is based on that. Knowing how many people you slept with is not my concern unless you got STDs. I fail to see how talking about money and credit score remotely resemble those two other questions but that's just me.

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    • yes there is some truth to that,even though it's more work it does give some hints here and there. I'm a guy I guess, so I think I like quick and obvious better than slow and subtle.

    • I doubt any guy would like if a girl said, "So how much do you make?" early on. It comes across bad and shallow. Quick and obvious isn't always better

  • No this is not dating conversation. I would never ask a guy this on a date and I would be sort of ticked if he asked me. I want to know how responsible you are AFTER I decide I might like to have a serious relationship with you. I think it's a lot harder to make a good emotional and physical connection than it is to find someone you could be financially compatible with. That just sounds waay too materialistic. Btwn myself and my guy, I've got my credit inline and he does not due to extensive medical bills, which says NOTHING about how responsible he is . . . We are working TOGETHER to improve both of our situations. We've gone from single and living with room mates to engaged and just put a bid in on a house, in less than two years. I'd say that's doing quite well and his credit had nothing to do with it. Completely irrelevant info on a date. I'd feel more like a job interview, yuck, I want to have fun on a date.

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    • I understand where you're coming from. At the same time, money is a big source of conflicts in couples. So I think your comment about how easy it is to find someone responsible with money is a bit hasty. Also your comment about how credit score is irrelevant is incorrect. Your boyfriend case isn't typical. Congrats on putting a bid on a house. By the way, if his credit score is really poor, don;t you have to put the mortgage on your name only to get good interest rate?

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    • Thanks, that's good to know. I'm not concerned about 'getting' the house if we split, I would just be concerned about being able to maintain the property and stay ahead on bills. I want him to have rights, guys get screwed over too often when it comes to rights over children, getting divorced etc. Best of luck to you as well

    • thanks. Yes divorce court are quite heavy handed toward guys. That's another reason for anybody, but guys particularly, to know about financial soundness of a person before getting too committed and especially married. I guess for someone (man or woman) that has nothing to lose it's easy to not care about it overall.But for everybody else I'd think it make sense to discuss about money in the early part of a relationship.

What Guys Said 5

  • if you are a career oriented person or even just someone that likes taking care of finances that's something you should talk about with someone you're dating. Sense it's something important to you I would say go for it but you might have better luck finding similar girls (or guys) online who think the same way as you.

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    • I thought about this because they ask for your income on dating websites but not your credit score. And I think credit score is way more relevant than income. When you know the line of work of someone you have a reasonable idea about their income anyway. But, someone can have a good income but be a total disaster financially.

  • You have a point when you said that conflicts in relationship occur from this source, credit score, however it's not the primary one. I have seen many relationships that thrive through bad times and good times even if they started at the bottom.

    And if someone asks me about my credit score before/on date, I would consider this person whom I won't see myself spending with for the future times to come.

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    • why would you react like that if you agree that how someone handles money is an important part of a relationship?

  • I wouldn't ask on the first date, but I would certainly want to know their score if I were seriously interested in them. I'd wait until I became comfortable with the person, then I would ask.

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    • yes I agree, may be not on the first date, but rather quickly.

  • Thats a new one. And your completely right about the troubles in relationships. Ask away but don't be surprised when he/she (I don't judge) looks at you wired

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    • yes I asked that question because bad money habits have been a significant source of stress in a past serious relationship and I know it is at the core of some bad issues in other people's relationships.

      I read an article about that woman who said she was dating the perfect guy, until he asked about her credit score and she said it stopped the fairy tale and she stopped dating him. But she didn't mention if her credit was good or bad, or why she felt so offended by it.

    • Wow that's bad, some fairytail all she wanted was someone to do everything so she didn't have too

  • That is a totally tactless question to ask on a first date.

    To me, it would indicate the person in front of me is so socially backward and clueless that they might as well be autistic or retarded.

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    • why would it be an issue if the person is reasonable financially? So much revolve around money yet people seem afraid of discussing it in the open. People that don;t have anything to hide don;t overreact to any question. You might disagree and prefer not answer some question, but becoming very defensive is a sign of insecurities.

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    • Like I said... you'll never get it, so it's pointless to discuss it.

    • there was no discussion, there was you being callous and professing about tact which I found amusing.

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