I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. Not sure if we hit the comfortable stage yet or if I did something to change my BF's pattern of communication. About a month ago my boyfriend took on a new hobby and I know he's really into it and he gets really distracted by it but I was beginning to think he was losing interest in me because he was texting me much less (would always get an "i love you" or what are you doing" after 3-4 hrs of not hearing from me) and a few weeks ago we had a little argument which got me very upset and I sought advice from a friend and listened to her to ignore him the whole day- play hard to get. He texted me about work I didn't answer 3 hrs later he texted me saying hope you're relaxing then an hour after that he said well you really must be (I always answer his texts - hours and hours went by before I answered yes I was and left it at that (not like me to do at all). The next day I told him that I texted him that I loved him (by name) and w all my heart where he responded he loved me more. I feel ever since this stupid game he hardly ever reaches out to me unless I reach out first. Did I give him the impression I don't want to be bothered? I miss hearing from him throughout the day/night and now think I look needy reaching out all the time (sometimes I just don't and he won't reach out either). I didn't want to play that game and told him I was upset that day and just needed time to myself to sort out my feelings which he said he understood as we all have our days. We still hang out at least once a week (our norm due to schedules). Thoughts? Advice?
Most Helpful Girl
Just sounds like the normal course of a relationship really.. most couples around the year mark get to the point where they relax off the communication a little and start making a bit more time to accommodate other interests, especially if the relationship's been quite intense. It would be impossible to keep up that pace forever.
When a guy gets serious about about a girl, he often has to make the choice give up some aspects of his previous single social life - especially if his friends are largely single blokes who'll want to be out on the pull (understand, he probably a devoted a lot of energy to this particular pursuit as a single man, in one form or another). Once the honeymoon period is over, he'll often look to reclaim some of that independence and masculine outlet through pursuing a hobby like playing a sport. Not only is this a positive sign that he's an emotionally mature and well-rounded person, but also that he sees a future with you, so you ought not to see it as a threat to the relationship (though it's understandable that you do and quite a common reaction).
My advice is to relax off and give him some space to develop his hobby. Better yet - encourage him! Men love to be around a woman who will support them to be the best they can be. I'd avoid trying to get too involved in it, though, unless he invites you to - it's just a thing with men where they need their own things. Besides, it can keep the spark ignited in the long run if you have to miss each other sometimes.. absence makes the heart grow fonder. You can use the extra time to take up a hobby of your own. Having a passion for something -anything- is hot, and you'll find that when you develop your own interests you have no problems luring him back when he's distracted. This brings me to my final point.. don't play games! Though you might get the immediate results you were looking for, in the long run anyone will resent being played with, especially if they take care to be up-front and honest with you. There's a lot to be said for being a little less available, but let that be the natural outcome of you filling up your time.0