Why do 'nice' guys hate on 'bad' guys so much when it comes to women dating them?

we all have our own preferences right? I'm just saying you never hear bad guys being all "i don't understand why a girl would date a nice guy. he seems so lame and unattractive to me." (or something to that extent) it's like the bad/cool guys are too busy being them to care but nice guys all so worried about what other boys are doing. I don't understand.


0|2
4|21

Most Helpful Guy

  • If by "bad" you mean they treat you badly? If so, It's because the "nice" guys actually care about you and don't want to see you hurt. Women in abusive relationships often become so emotionally battered that they cannot leave the person willingly. This is co-dependence on the part of the abused.

    Though if by "nice" you mean guys that refuse to make decisions and cater to the every whim of a girl they are with/going after, then it's because they are trying to manipulate you into liking/dating them instead. This is co-dependence on the part of the manipulator/abuser. It's not healthy; it's not being "nice" either because all it does is build resentments for the future, and often times their dishonesty will show through in other ways.

    If by "bad" guys, you mean guys that are straight-forward, honest, self-expressing and independent. Then it's, again, because the "nice" guys are jealous, and they want to manipulate you. If someone is really honest with you, they often times will tell you what you don't want to hear. This can make you sad, and therefor you may turn around and call him a "bad guy".

    If by "nice" guys, you mean guys that are chivalrous, kind-hearted, sweet, and kind, but also independent, honest, and self-expressing; then they aren't likely to knock the way another cat swings. Mostly just because it's tacky, but also because they get that other guys need play too, and that sometimes girls aren't looking for a knight in shining armor (LTR-material).

    Here is the crazy part: Oftentimes, the first example of "nice" and the first example of "bad" are in fact two sides of the same personality. One is the conservative cautious side, the other is the side that comes out when he is comfortable. This is where that whole dynamic where the girl is like "he's a totally different person than the one I fell in love with". He's the same person, he's just acting like himself (an a**hole) now that he is confident you won't leave him.

    The latter two are often (though not always) two sides of the same person as well. As healthy relationships tend to progress, that knight in shining armor may get lazy about some stuff. He may be more blunt about his opinions, he could even *gasp* pass wind in front of you. The chivalry and kind-heartedness aren't gone, they are just underutilized because of comfort. Much like how a girl will let herself go a little (trust me, we don't care) after dating a guy. It's not a big deal, it can be fixed with some simple communication (I mean the chivalry part, It's a bad idea to ask your Girlfriend/wife to lose weight because she let herself go).

    How can you tell the difference? It's hard to say really. Honesty and communication are key. Not "good" or "bad" guys. Those are arbitrary labels that can vary even more than what I've put down here. But basically...

    TL;DR

    It's not about "good" or "bad". It's about honesty.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I thumbs this up for detail, your right there aren't bad and good. There are people being them.

What Guys Said 20

  • It's not that "nice" guys are hating on bad boys...

    It's that doormats with no confidence try to manipulate women into being with them by doing nice things for them but never doing anything to make a move or make her feel attraction to them and they end up in the friend-zone and all butt hurt. They then rationalize that all girls are bitches and whatever guy she starts dating instead of him is a douche for some fill it in reason (while ignoring that they were either consciously or sub-consciously being a manipulative douche themselves). They then go around crying about how nice guys always finish last as an excuse so that they can feel bad for themselves and never make any changes to themselves.

    Source: being a former doormat and "nice" guy cry baby myself

    5|1
    1|0
    • lol yess. this answer has some points. I'm more trying to understand where all these stereotypes about how one type of guy is better then the other type. it just seems like it should go by a case by case bases to me.

  • Bad guys abuse and sometimes rape women. And the really disturbed ones outright kill them. Those trained to be gentlemen from an early age find women dating the Big Bad Wolf incredibly foolish, and sense a great injustice is being committed - and a worse one is on the way. He isn't just thinking about you. He's also thinking about your brokenhearted parents, and how you're not doing them - or yourself - any favors by throwing yourself before men of disrepute.

    If he's been particularly personally invested in you, done everything you say he's supposed to, and then throw yourself before a creepazoid when you should know better, then he feels you have robbed him. If you blow him off without even the slightest attempt at showing gratitude, then you forfeit his respect. Plain and simple.

    And if you slander the nice guy and get him in trouble just to get rid of him, just so you can assure the bad boy that there's no competition, then forget about the nice guy being upset about you being with the bad guy. At that point, you are the bad guy; and the bad boy is just some tool who will sooner or later regret having made a deal with a she-devil like you just to get a little sex. And you can expect the nice guy to treat you like the enemy from that day onward.

    There's a saying: Beware the Nice Ones. You don't have to fall head over heels for them. But you'd better frickin' respect them. Keep stepping on them, and they won't be nice forever. Inside them is a time bomb of wrath that many of the bad boys cannot rival. There's a reason all that righteous fury is caged inside a nice guy: so that only idiots go through the trouble of unleashing it.

    0|0
    0|0
    • BTW, I'm not accusing you. I'm stating this as a matter of principle. Please don't misunderstand.

  • Bad boys will treat you like crap, and show little respect for your emotions, a nice guy is still a bad boy but he will treat you with respect and always be concerned about how you feel, that's the only difference, so why do women like bad boys , because they enjoy being treated like crap, but some women insist on respect and demand the guy she has chose to be worthy of her talents understands her emotions, and these women often end up married to that man who can supply her with those demands, where the girl who enjoys crap, is left single and still waiting to settle down,x

    0|0
    2|2
    • "Bad boys will treat you like crap, and show little respect for your emotions, a nice guy is still a bad boy but he will treat you with respect and always be concerned about how you feel, that's the only difference" that's an interesting definition. I thought a 'bad' boy was someone who partys and does drugs and goes to bars and stuff.

  • its not so much that those guys really are mad at the jerks its that most men were lied to their entire lives about what women find attractive and have put allot of effort into honing those skills only to find out it gets nothing but rejection. So they take it out on the guys who they see having had delt a better hand in life. not healthy but that's human nature.

    0|3
    0|0
  • I personally feel conned. Society and women keep shaming men and drilling into my ears be nice, treat them like princesses, I am a dog if I want to fuck bnlah blah blah, then I grew up and witnessed this: I acted nice (yes, I did have nice feelings and intentions) and girls wanted to be friends, told me how nice I was, what a good boyfirend I could be, behaved like little angels in front of me (whilst teasing my **** a bit for the attention and their ego) and then they'd get fucked right and left by the loud idiot two hours later. Then I'd go and say women don't like nice guys, and the women would tell me nooooo, be nice, it is not true, wome loooove nice guys. So I'd swallow my anger and bitterness from the previous fuck up, thinking what an unfair idiot I'd been for thinking shit about women because of that one girl. I'd approach the next girl with a sense, strogly reinforced by all women aorund, that women like niiice guys plus this time feeling guilty for having felt angry with women. Only to find out the next girl, who I thought was really different, is just like the other one. ANd the cycle repeats. I wank and someone else fucks. Plus I'm told I'm a mysogiinit loser who hates women, not because I have my reasons, but just because I'm a devious man, a mad man without a reason. Wouldn't you feel conned and rageful with women? Would you think a hungry animal had the right to be rageful if you kept showing the food yet removing it every fucking single time right when he'd go for the bite and with a slapacross his mouth, mocking him "what were you thinking? You really didn't think I wanted to give it to you (said with a smirk on the face)?!

    0|0
    0|0
    • and by the way, I envy bad boys, but the hate is for the women

  • I've been dumped for a guy considered a "bad" guy. That doesn't drive my anger towards them or anything. If a girl wants to date a guy like that, so be it. She will either learn a lesson, or perhaps actually tame him. However, if a guy like that hurts one of my friends, that's a different story.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Jealousy, I suppose. I think it's kind of naive and silly, though. Let the bad guys get girls, IDC. I want nothing to do with a woman who has been with one of those guys, anyway. Birds of a feather flock together.

    1|0
    1|0
    • "Birds of a feather flock together." your absolutely right. if their into a person you deem unworthy then why would you want them anyways?

  • because the nice guys are not really nice guys, the ones who are always flat-out rejected left and right

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because the nice guys aren't getting laid. You only notice injustice when it's being done to you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Nice guys worry that bad guys will hurt women they care about. It all really depends on your concept of bad guy though.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ( Part 2)

    I agree with the poster below that say that also many nice guys were fed things about women that turned out to hurt their dating life. Like if you grew up in a religious strict family, sex is a taboo , or if you went to a single sex school etc.. repressive upbringing etc.. these things leave their mark on you as a person .

    Having the nice guy syndrome is like having depression. It is a type of neuroticism . It has a certain characteristics and has been mostly described.. as I said as ''Anxious attachement''

    The below book does talk about this.. if you are a nice guy you will see yourself in there

    link

    Psychologists don't look at it from the anxious attachement theory. They look at it as a social anxiety + low self esteem issue.

    Summary to girls:

    Nice guys aren't evil and many of them are not manipulative or bitter. Life just sucks for some people. Just like you could be born short, or overweight, or depressed.. you culd actually be sometimes born as a nice guy.

    What you need to do is to look for an authentic , honest guy, call him whatever you wanna call him,

    I am what you can call a semi nice guy who is not bitter nor manipulative.. I am actually working on myself to be a more authentic person.

    I was always shy .. and recently I was diagnosed with Social anxiety and it seems I have always been that way since birth . I am good looking.. I had ladies in my life that I loved to bits and they also loved me to bits .. we never parted as enemies . I have made mistakes in my life.. but who doesn't?

    If you meet me .. you would never know that I have social anxiety.. just shy and may be a bit easily stressed.

    I am currently working on myself through books and considering either therapy or medication. I want to better my honesty and authenticity with women and with all people actually. It is hard when you have anxiety as a disorder because it screams ''DANGER'' in the back of your head each time you are risking something... but .. its my cross to bear.

    I hope my posts here have made things a bit clearer and I really wish all the girls , to have successful relationships with whomever you find attractive. ( bad boy , good guy , nice guy .. family guy lol ) . I wish you have lots of amazing sex and romantic nights and for my brothers who feel bad.. seek help .. look into assertiveness training .. Things will improve and you will be different and you will get the girl of your life.

    All the best

    0|1
    0|0
    • Awh well the way you broke this down makes feel bad for guys like that. They should say this why they are this way, I can understand anxiety issue. I have them too.

    • Show All
    • Good luck.

    • The poster above me mentioned co-dependence.. it is another name for ''Anxious attachement''

  • HI,

    I will explain the nice guy thing in two pots because this is long hehe

    ( Part one )

    Basically, it is a psychological issue. It is called '' Anxious attachement'' ( look up adult attachement theories or anxious attachement ) .. it has to do with low self esteem and anxiety . This leads to loneliness , being quiet, neuroticism , frustration, desperation. The anxiety and sensitivity leads to avoidance and the low threshold of stress tolerability leads to accepting issues a normal person wouldn't accept just to avoid conflict ( stress avoidance) . Thus .. the lack of assertiveness or as people call it '' Doormat''

    The above people call a also a ''looser'' . But in effect.. it is a type of social anxiety. Some developed these characteristics due to their abusive upbringing and some were born neurotic through genes.

    Now if you are someone like the above, you are human , you are not getting your romantic needs met.. you are socially awkward . You will feel frustration and resentment. This is a normal human behavior . But because girls don't know the background. Nice guys don't have any excuse. If these nice guys don't have a moral and ethical background.. they become manipulative. But not all of them are . Some nice guys will never meet you let alone manipulate you . Simply because they are too shy .

    Not all nice guys have resentment for girls nor for the bad boys persona... a nice guy could be frustrated , however could also be fair and understand that if his self esteem was better he would probably be one of those bad boys any way . It is just that he doesn't have that esteem . It is not that he doesn't have balls hehe.. he doesn't have proper neurotransmitters in his brain that drive his security ( I do whatever and don't give a damn attitude) and ambition ( I will reach for my goals no matter what attitude) .

    -----> ( Part 2)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because they eventually emotionally abuse girls and sometimes physically abuse them.

    Then they knock them up and disappear never helping with the child.

    Ever wonder where pretty, young, single mothers come from?

    0|1
    1|2
  • I just wanted to partially respond to the first girl that answered and you as well since you agreed and then went on to say highly questionable sh*t.

    I think they would be entitled if they did nothing and expected girls to be all over them. Granted, some of them are that way, but if they are actually trying to impress them only to get shot down, they are not acting as if they are entitled. When one of those guys repeatedly gets shot down and complains about it (which is a legitimate time to complain by the way), they get girls like yourself that say he wasn't a nice guy after all. How does that make any sense whatsoever? Girls also say that these guys think they are entitled to sex from you. How would you know that? What if they wanted a relationship? Because the guys you normally go for want sex right away? You do drop your panties for certain guys so wouldn't they be the ones that feel entitled? No problem for them though.

    Also, you said that some nice guys beat their girlfriends and some bad guys that treat them like queens. What the f*** are you talking about? You're envisioning something in your mind about what nice and bad guys are, so what is it? Ugly perhaps? Introverted? I would LOVE to hear this. There's something other than those two adjectives that you have in mind.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm just saying anybody is capable of anything and being the "nice guy" could easily be a front for a psycho. I should know I dated what I thought was a nice guy (good in school, went to church, overweight, not tradionally attractive but seemed nice) and he continued to beat me for most of the summer of 2010. Now I'm dating what seems like a "bad" guy to boys on this site (goes to parties, use to be a playboy, smokes weed) and he is wonderful to me.

  • I don't hate on girls for dating bad boys they have a right to date who they want it's called free will but they are only hurting themselves if they choose to be with a bad boy in the long run the bad boy who could end up in jail or verbally or physically assault his girlfriend I am a respectful young man but not a pushover so I am comfortable with the things the way they are but because I know in the end I will fulfill my destiny by leaving things in gods hands good day.

    0|0
    0|1
  • It's because we hear so many ladies say "I just want a nice guy". The ones that say that are usually the ones who go on to date one a**hole after another. If a lady were to straight up say "Yeah, I'm into guys who treat me like crap" then more power to her. At least that's what I've noticed, your mileage may vary.

    0|4
    1|0
    • Exactly. Talk about hypocrisy!

    • Show All
    • hey ...hello...bad guys act like f***ing great guys at first...so they think they are getting into a relationship with a good guy...but then the girl falls in love and then the guy starts showing his true colors... and just because you are a good person doesn't mean you are perfect...maybe you are socially awkward, or stalkeish, or you take things too serious...it's not about a guy being good or bad...bad guys just know how to pretend to be a great guy and have a girl fall for them

    • cause I think sometimes the bad boy vibe may just be the vibe telling you behind him being a "Great" guy, something isn't all that good in him...i am tired of men whining on about how " huh huh she doesn't want me cause I'm a good guy" that's f***ing BS...men just lie lie lie..and pretend...yes there are women who actually go for the bad in them but most women don't...just bad guys know how to trick, and pretend and act as if they're these great guys... just like men lie to get sex, etc

  • They don't say that because they're dating all of the girls. Nice guys aren't. LOL Great example

    People complain about that because they try to get the girl but are simply overlooked or friend zoned. The girls on this site label them as unattractive, but everyone deserves to be love and be loved, right? Besides, by their standards, average is ugly. They also claim that they are going out of their league, which is only true sometimes. Again, there are average girls as well. The other types of guys are getting these girls and then the "nice" guys are hearing all of the problems from the girl he likes and how all guys are jerks or whatever. It's that and the way girls talk about them as if they are subhuman. I don't understand how you don't understand.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Forget, nice guys and bad boys, date good guys!

    2|1
    0|0
  • Because bad guys don't do anything with their lives but being egoistical pricks. They don't work hard for anything. They choose the easy path. Being nice and working hard take a lot of courage day after day. Being a bad person with no goals is what exactly? Nothing.

    So women going for these pile of garbage is like being a parent and seeing your teenage kid do something really stupid, dangerous and acting defiant and proud of their own stupidity.

    You can't help but feel like you should beat the sh*t out of them to teach them a lesson. Because you've spent years working your ass off and they basically give you the finger and tell you they don't give a sh*t about how hard you worked, they prefer being lazy and stupid and disrespectful.

    1|2
    0|0
    • thats sounds like a sterotype though. I know guys that others label 'bad' boys that work and go to school like the rest of us. and I know nice guys that live at home and ask there mom for money everyday.

    • Show All
    • You must not be one of the 'nice' guys talking like that. . . Or maybe your niceness is just a front like I imagine a lot of 'nice' guys attitudes are.

    • lol women equate being good with talking nice. No, it's what you do girl. And I'm not a door mat. Anybody comes and insult me and I'll tell them to f*** off. I'm a good guy and I can stand for myself.

  • It should be the other way. The bad boys are loud and obnoxious, they do it for attention because they think being loud will scare somebody. No, the nice guys are the real bad boys, because it's the quite guys that give you the wrong impression about them for a dumb ass bad boy that falls for it and gets his ass beat! That's the way I was raised, the louder you are, the softer you are, and from what I've observed; it's true to!

    0|0
    0|0
    • well I know loud nice guys and quiet bad boys so I wouldn't say them being loud is what is attractive.

What Girls Said 4

  • I think neither one should be mad at each other. I think guys should just be who they are & stop trying to be something they are not just to get a girl.

    This situation is the same for us females- we like to wonder why guys go for slutty girls & not innocent girls.

    0|1
    0|0
    • True. They shouldn't hate, but it noticeably that "nice" guys throw more shade at the "bad" guys and the girls that go for them then vice versa.

    • It's because slutty girls are more willing to show some more love then them innocent girls. Innocent girls are either more shy, conceited, or is just saving themselves. Guys get hurt from rejection just like women, but we know that we have less odds of being rejected going after the slutty girl. She is more safe. Even if it is a one night thing, at least we got some love from somewhere , because obviously we are not getting it from the other group!

  • Jealousy. I think "nice guys" sometimes wish they could get away with screwing around and treating girls like sh*t. Who know what's under the jealousy, but it's jealousy for sure

    0|0
    0|0
  • They're jealous. Deep down, those guys are no different than the bad boys, they just wish they were them and could get women as easily as they do. They really aren't anymore noble or morally superior, they just pretend to be so they can hide the fact that they're inept. Sour grapes.

    "Oh those guys are nothing but a**holes and jerks, you should choose guys like me". The only reason why those guys aren't players is because no woman wants them. Give them the same opportunity and they'd be just as much of a bad boy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • They're so painfully jealous. You can tell by the way they speak about them here; so critical and quick to judge them as "bad". They are bitter because the "bad guys" are doing a better job at attracting women and keeping women than they are. They feel entitled to a chance with a girl just for being nice, yet that niceness goes away when they get rejected and denied a chance. I've also noticed some "nice guys" have developed a superiority complex where they've filed their head with thoughts supporting the idea that they are better than "bad guys" because they don't treat a girl a certain way. It's a little pathetic to be honest and it's annoying when "nice guys" around here rant non-stop about "bad guys".

    At the end of the day: Everyone has bad in them. Guys who don't treat girl a certain way have no right or place to be so judgmental and critical just because they don't share the same type of badness. It's immature to act like there are only two types of guys in the world; "nice guys" who can' t get a girl because they're nice which is bs/it's probably because they fail at being attractive in otherways* and "bad guys" who treat women like sh*t yet somehow every girl wants them lol

    2|0
    0|2
    • soo true. I feel like bad and good are relative it should go on a case by case basis. saying women are all attracted to the same type of guy is crazy cause not every guy is the same. there are 'nice' guys that beat there girlfriends and 'bad' guys that treat them like queens.

    • Show All
    • why wouldn't I have to feel conned and angry, if everything I was told by women about women and the godesses they are is a lie and is exactly what they so quickly reject me for and, insult to injury, criticize me for?

    • *desires. a potential rapist and the carrier of any fucking misgiving in society, and that women are special creatures

Loading...