Why would he say "You can do better than me?"

How do I reassure him that I don't want anyone but him. He's an amazing guy. He is cute, smart, funny, and he makes me so happy. Yet he seems to think he is really ugly and a failure. When we first started dating, he told me that I was too good for him. He said I can do better than him last night. I don't want to do better than him, and I am not too good for anyone. I am not even that pretty. I don't think I am ugly, but I don't think I am some hot girl. I have a small belly which won't go away no matter how hard I exercise. In short, I think I am just an average girl. Most men don't notice me, but I've always figured it was because I am so shy. I don't let guys notice me. So when he started to notice me, I was excited. So I eagerly tried hard to get his attention. I kept trying to get with him until we started dating. We've been together six months now, and I thought he was over the "you can do better than me" thing. It seemed like we were both comfortable with each other. He isn't though. Last night a guy was hitting on me, and I got mad and told him to get lost. My boyfriend today was telling me that if I ever wanted to leave him for a better guy like the one night, then he couldn't fault me for it. The guy last night wasn't a better guy.

Its only six months into the relationship, but I can honestly see myself marrying this guy. If he were to ask me to marry him later down the road, I would say yes with no hesitation. So I wish he would stop thinking that I am so inadequate.

He thinks because he doesn't make enough money that he isn't good enough, but I make enough money for both of us. For some reason me making more money than him has always bothered him. He got upset when I opened up a second savings account. Why?

Updates:
" So I wish he would stop thinking that I am so inadequate. " Oops, I meant to say: " So I wish he would stop thinking that he is so inadequate." It was a different sentence at first that I edited, but didn't read over. Originally it read: "I wish he would stop saying: "I am so inadequate"

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What Guys Said 1

  • The world views success through money and right at the end you said he doesn't like you making more money. This might be the most obvious reason he feels he is worthless. Guys insult each other in grade school with sayings like "you hit like a girl." Most females would veiw this in the wrong light. What this insult means is that "You are so weak and pathetic you couldn't protect anybody." It is hard wired in the male brain to protect to provide that any inadequicy be it finance or athletic in nature will blow his confidence to pieces. Example if a girl knows she is loved but feels like she isn't, then it's the same as if she is not. This is one area why guys do "feel" on the most basic primal level.

    Now you see him for the catch he is, smart, funny, cute and best of all he notices you as a man notices a woman. The problem is life has not delt kindly to his ego. A guy's ego is the most fragial thing on earth. Even the most successful constantly lives in fear of failing. One mistake to be fired, one bad investment, one incorrect action resulting in the death of someone they should be protecting is constant. The more they are puffed up the more they are hiding some insecurity.

    If you really want him then you may have to do a few more things to convince him he is exactly what you want. Words are not very effective for this though. It works well with your girlfriends but not with men. Action is more important, be it physical, making him dinner sometime, spending time with him in something he enjoys. (Believe it or not the last one counts to guys as romantic.) An example from the Andy Griffen's show. Aunt May: "You didn't tell me if you liked the soup." Andy Tailer: "Well I ate four bowls." Aunt May: "Yes but you didn't say anything." Andy: "Action speaks louder then words." Action speaks louder then words is very true for men.

    Hope this helps a little.

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What Girls Said 1

  • well usually guys want to be the ones who are supporting the girl and they want to buy you stuff that's why he doesn't like that you're making more money than him, but I think you should have a serious sit down talk with him and tell him up front that you don't want anyone else and that you think he's perfect and that he should stop acting like this because it makes you sad

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