Do you think that growing up without a father around can damage your dating life?

I'm 22 and for the first 16 years of my life I never really had a male figure to look up too. It never really bothered me "that much" until I started dating. You see I was raised my grandmother and she never really talked to me about dating granted I never asked. What she did tell me is to respect women and treat them like I wanted to be treated. Never raise my hand to a girl, always be courteous to them, so forth and so on. Well now I'm finding out that, that doesn't work to win a girls heart now-a-days. Now I'm not tooting my own horn when I say this but I'm tall, dark, and hansom, I'm in the military so I have a good paying job, I'm in shape, I'm taking college classes, and I do ton's of self improvement stuff as well as volunteer.

However- I'm sure most would say I don't have a very interesting personality "honestly most people don't really know me", I lack confidence "which I understand is huge". I go out of my way to help others Because honest I love helping others. It just makes me happy know I made someone's day brighter and hopefully they'll pass it on. Based off what I've read and what I've been told being too helpfully to girls is an unattractive quality; because they will start to see you as a door mate and/or a lesser man. "honestly I lose out to the bad boys, a**holes, and players all the time... but I never give up".


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Growing up without a Dad will have an impact on a young man, but so will growing up with an abusive or unloving father . . . Sometimes absent is better . . . My fiance's Dad died when he was 3 and he didn't get along well with his step dad so he lived with his Grandma instead. He spent most of his teenage years surrounded by women in his family. Sometimes I really wish for him, that his Dad was still here, that he got to grow up knowing him. I know it affects him although we don't really talk about it much. I'm sure there are some core things that would be engrained in him if he'd had his Dad around. He's a great man despite this and I can tell he tries really hard to 'get it right'. I also know he'll be a GREAT dad, because he wants his kids to grow up with a good Dad. You sound like a lovely person. A smart girl knows a man helping people is a good man, NOT a doormat. If you ever have a women treating you that way then she's not worth the clothes she's wearing. You know you have all of these great qualities so have confidence in that when meeting new people/asking women out. People say you have a boring personality? What a freakin joke, who the heck are they to say?! Chin up, smile, know you're worth it and live that way.

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What Girls Said 9

  • One of my best friends was not only raised by his mother and her girlfriend, she wasn't even around much and he has pretty much been on his one in a 3 bedroom house since age 16. He turned out fine (but it is really sad that she did that to him). He is probably the smartest guy I know and has a lot of respect in the community. He's got lots of female friends. He's just not interested in any of them because he wants to get school out of the way first, but there are a lot of girls who want him. He's 21, and I'd have to say the very reason he is so blunt bold and confident is because he knows how life is having had to basically raise himself.

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  • I believe not having a male figure in your life could hurt you, but not necessarily. It sounds like your grandma taught you a lot about how to treat women, and some men don't know how to treat women. So there, you may have an advantage that other men do not. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, being in the military and being in college are two things to be very proud of! A lot of girls today in my belief have messed up thoughts when it comes to guys...they want the guy that will take them to clubs and grind on them (I hate grinding), take them shopping and buy them everything they want, expensive dinners and all that stuff...at least this has to do with some of my friends and what I have noticed in me being in college.

    Right now I think you should continue doing what you are doing, and maybe start talking to an uncle/older cousin or maybe an older guy you have grown to know in the military? But what your grandma taught you I believe is very important...though I am not the typical girl (I like football/hockey, fishing, id rather watch my team play over shopping) haha. But really keep doing what you are doing and I'm sure someone will eventually come along, aren't there girls that volunteer too?

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  • Yes, I agree that not having a father/father figure will damage your dating life. Why? Because I have spent the last two months in counseling trying to sort out my trust and abandonment issues because my father's inability to be a proper parent. Of course, a guy will be affected different and it will depend on what way your dad wasn't around, but yes, it will affect you.

    But enough about me, your grandmother is right on the values she has raised you with. Please do not give up on these. Girls do like these values and I am tired of men saying 'women don't like that' as an excuse to act like an a**hole. Continue acting the way you do, put yourself out there more and the right girl will come along eventually. Try to boost your confidence, spend some more time just on your own finding yourself so you know exactly who you are and can have that interesting personality. No one can be completely boring, you just need to know who you are a little better.

    If you think your father has affect you that much, I highly recommend talking to someone about it. It will do you a world of good. Best of luck!

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  • I think growing up without both parents around (so growing up with just a father or with just a mother) certainly affects not just your dating life but your personality.

    I grew up with my dad as a single parent and oh it was a delight! But I tend to not be as sensitive and careful with my words when I talk to people. I'm often direct with what I say and sometimes that tends to offend people. I get pretty uncomfortable during sentimental or intimate moments, I'm not into what typical girls talk about (fashion, shopping, gossip, etc), I barely open up to people about my daily activities and my life (other than my family and very few close friends).

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  • I really think it can, but for some men it can push them to be a really grand father figure one day :)

    I grew up with an amazing, supportive father who makes me feel like the luckiest girl alive. I can't imagine what life would have been like without him around. He's the first man I ever loved and I'm sure without him, I'd be a totally different girl.

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  • For some maybe but for others no. I'm glad my father wasn't in my life. He went to prison for attempted murder when I was 4. Got out when I was 13. Has been a raging, a**hole alcoholic since age 15. Yeah all those things I want to keep out of my life. I got rid of him from my life when I was 15. Never happier. Didn't need a dad and don't need one now.

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  • Yes unfortunately =/

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  • Not really if you've a stable family , With a lot of male influences from family . I think a female can be OK . My dad step up later in life , But in the mean time my grandfather was my father and he was the best , He helped my mom so much with me , Anything I needed and wanted he provided . Christmas he would give her his credit card and I got everything and anything I wanted , I was so blessed . He was a hard worker and a great role model , My mom brother escorted me every time I made homecoming court and just hung with me all the time , I've the best family . I honestly didn't miss him too much , But when I got like 16 he was apart of my life all the time and still remaining strong now . So I had the best in both worlds.

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  • Growing up with a father figure can also ruin your dating life. My father messed me up really good.

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    • This is partially true. My dad was always available, but while my father didn't "ruin" my dating life, he never schooled me on "game" or how to talk to women since he himself didn't have any game or technique for approaching women. My mother came onto my father first, and thus, I grew up as a man who (like my father) put women on a pedestal... so here I am at 28 and single :(

    • My father was a chronic cheater and verbally and emotionally abused my mother in front of me. The most import male role model in my life f***ed me up because of his narcissistic attitude towards women. Personally, I love guys who put women on a pedestule because I have learned the men least like my father are the best. Unfortunately most of those guys, maybe not you but most, like controlling women.

    • there it's done! you to should talk and get to know each other better. you never know what will happen! :)

What Guys Said 11

  • Yes of course, a woman raising you will put the wrong beliefs on you, she is going to teach to be respecful, that is not OK to touch girls, that should buy her flowers and chocolates, that you should always pay for dates, that you need to be in a long serious relationship to have sex, that you can only have sex with someone you love, that you should respond to girls requests, etc..

    Women beliefs on how to get you laid will basically keep you as a virgin. You will be the nice guy everyone likes but no one wants to have sex with.

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  • Even with one, it can be hard to develop dating properly.

    One would think that telling a girl: "I want to create a TV show someday, and see at least one of my pre-established premises get greenlit for at least one season" would land a few girls. So far, no luck. I cannot make appeals to a visionary ambition that doesn't exist.

    I don't drink. I'm practical. I offer assistance readily. But in the end, they just don't care. His attitude about the girls is "whatever." No all-out opposition, but no real support either. So he may as well not even be there in regards to whom I date.

    Those who grow up completely without one may have a harder time understanding limits of propriety, since that's usually a father's job to teach. They may be able to hold down a girl's interest a lot longer, but that doesn't mean they'd have any better success than myself at forging a meaningful bond. And if the bonds you form don't mean anything, then it doesn't matter how much or how little sex you get; it's all in vain in the end anyway.

    That I keep falling for girls that come from imploding families, girls who've witnessed absurd amounts of betrayal and think that's normal, and get offended that my family is a little bit more stable than theirs, doesn't help.

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  • Sorry I didn't read what you added to the question. I think that it depends on the person, not who is around them. I have both of my parents and they tried to be very involved with my life, and at 26 years old I have barely made conversation with girls. I have never had a girlfriend or been on a date so I think that it is the individual. I feel like I'm at a point of giving up.

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    • Just going to be an old man with a cat

    • you need to be more positive, find things that you like that will boost your confindence. like snow bording, fighting classes, get your masters in something. there are many things you can do to turn your dating life around. Actually, here check out this site... (PHA Training.com) you'll be happy you did!

  • My dad was always around but he was a terrible example. I grew up to be a "mommas boy", and my dating life was pitiful until I decided to go my own way a few months ago. I have a good relationship with both my parents now and I have a lot of success with the ladies if ya know what I mean ;-)

    But to answer your question, yes. I definitely think a father plays the biggest role in how a son will do as far as dating goes.

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    • when you say go your own way what did you do?

    • Leave my mom's house, move to a different town on my own and start doing things that I want to do, regardless of whether my parents would approve. I lived the first 18 years of my life always trying to please my parents and I realized one day that they didn't necessarily know what's best for me.

  • Will it affect the way you are raised? Absolutely. What happens after is entirely up to a person's decisions they make in life. Many turn out bad and many turn out great. It depends on the person.

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  • I can't say with absolute certainty...

    I've known guys who've had their fathers around to teach them, but they're still single.

    I've known guys that never even met their father and they manage to get all the girls in the world...

    It depends on the father I guess...

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  • It can but only a good father would have a positive effect.

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  • The majority of the time, yes.

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  • Don't worry, the moment MY father stepped out of my life was when my life became better and I actually had a chance at dating, so technically all you need is to find someone who values your personality and the way you interact with them, and obviously you need to stop thinking in generalized behavior patterns on "how to behave with girls to get laid" because generalized concepts never work, and that should not be your number #1 purpose.

    I wonder why you lack confidence, you should learn to accept and like yourself for who you are, and adapt to what people want only on a definite level. If they don't like it, screw them.

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    • good point, you know the funny thing is when I go out and practice talking to girls I meet it get easer over time. however when I stop I get shy around them again. I never really had much confidence but I'm working on ways to change that.

    • The problem is that you're being desperate, and thus you're trying to show your best side to every single girl you meet, and that frustrates you to death. I won't tell you that you need to relax, because what you need to do is realize that what you should be making is acquiantances and friends, and thus you'll find someone who's actually worth "pursuing". And as I said, there's no point in being a perfectionist, you're probably cool as you are, without playing around.

    • good point.

  • It's a mansworld but unfortunatley girls can pick and choose who they want to date and a lot of young girls these days lack intelligence but not all you just have to adjust your game and find a girl who has chemistry with you open up your horizon and opportunities will appear.

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  • It definitely can, though it doesn't have to be a father who can educate you. An older brother, an uncle, a peer, all are acceptable substitutes, but basically yes you do need to learn from an older more experienced male role model in your life.

    i sincerely believe that most of the trouble you see young guys having these days, comes from the fact that they lacked a relevant role model in their life.

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