Why do so many people think we should "give a chance" to anyone who asks?

It almost seems like society things that girls are obligated to date anyone who asks or expresses interest in us.

My friend wants to date me but I don't want to date him but all these people say I should give him a chance because he's "nice."

I think this is ridiculous! Why should I date someone I don't want to. Would you date someone you aren't attracted to?

Do you want someone to give you a chance, not because they want to but because other people consider you nice?

This is so weird!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, you definitely shouldn't!

    You should never date a guy because you feel obligated. I see too many girls who get caught up in going with the flow of what's around them, and that just seems to cause more problems for everyone.

    That said, it is good to be open-minded.

    You may have a hunch that you and a guy aren't right for each other, because there doesn't seem to be the right chemistry at first, but that's proven incorrect later. I've seen that happen a number of times...two people learn they have a strong chemistry, who didn't realize it until they'd gotten to know each other better. Chemistry is weird like that.

    I personally try not to give much weight to first impressions...unless it's an objective criteria (there are some things I pretty much know won't work).

    So it's really this balance, I think...you should try to be open-minded for your own sake, but you shouldn't let others tell you what to do.

    In other words, be stubborn for the right reason, and give people a chance for the right reason. It's all about your attitude and outlook.

    And also consider that it's usually the guy who has to put himself out there...

    Would I go out with someone I wasn't necessarily attracted to? Probably yes, if that girl went out of her way to make the first move (which almost never happens). Why not, it's not like it's going to hurt.

    It has nothing to do with me "giving a chance" to someone else because they're nice. It's because it's a free opportunity. Maybe it's not much of an opportunity, but it still doesn't cost me anything! The only thing I have to concern myself with is not to get the other person's hopes up or hurt their feelings. Pretty much, all the initial emotional investment falls on the person who makes the first move...and that's why it sucks being a guy...

    So, let me ask you...what are you actually giving a guy by "giving him a chance"?

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    • I always wonder that too! What do you give by giving a chance. If I like a guy, I ask him out! I would be upset if he obliged for some reason other than actually wanting to give dating a chance then him jumping ship afterwards.

      Usually us girls can tell right away why we wouldn't want to date someone so I don't understand why I'm constantly told I should "give it a chance" even though I don't want to...

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    • And it's within a sentence because I can immediately tell if you put me on a pedestal and treat me as if I'm better than you. It shows lack of confidence and troubles down the road.

      Guys who think we're better treat us like a possession and it's almost as though they see us as a reflection of their self worth and get HIGHLY possessive and jealous.

    • Maybe that's true some of the time...but I think you're being kind judgey there with assumptions. My opinion is that first impressions don't mean much. Beyond whether you find someone charming or not, it's not a good way to make rational inferences.

      Also, isn't it true that girls going out of their way to avoid guys who "put them on a pedestal" is how they end up with the opposite extreme -- a guy who treats them like sh*t?

      I dunno...think your narcissist test is a bit too narrow.

What Guys Said 6

  • Wait. What!? No one says this, lol. You should NEVER give someone a chance if you're not attracted to them and anyone who says otherwise should take a page from their own book and do so themselves before suggesting the same to others. I do agree with the basis of their claim which is that you shouldn't exclude people entirely based on physical attraction which should be everyone's ultimate goal - to rid themselves of shallow physical-based attraction. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Date whomever you want.

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  • No it's not completely ridiculous or that weird. Attraction is not just physical, it's more. And if you don't see that, then I don't know what to tell you. Have you ever met a very good looking guy, went on a date, and realized he's a douche or the two of you just don't click? Well, that's the other part of attraction. So the question is how you look at it, do you first look at the physical attraction and then check his personality, or does personality comes on #1. Or, perhaps, you balance those two things.

    I'm not just saying this, but I'm saying it because of experience. I've met some girls I wasn't that physically attracted to, but as I got to know them and met them in different settings my view just changed. This wasn't a one time thing, but happened multiple times. I see a girl and she's so-so, but then talk to her, see how she's like and then notice she's really nice and easy to talk to. I then suddenly realize I'm attracted to her, so even she didn't physically change, I still started to find her also physically attractive. I'd call that weird.

    But in the end, no, you're not obligated to date a person if you feel so strongly about being physically attractive to someone. It's your choice and the way you look at it, and if you don't want to change that then don't.

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  • I wouldn't want someone to give me a chance that didn't want to no but feelings can change the more you learn bout someone j/s but if you just down right think they're ugly prob not because it'd be hard to be intimate with someone you think is ugly lol

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  • I would not want someone to date me because their friend says I'm "nice" or that they feel sorry/obligated and choose to do it. To me, that would actually make me more upset than anything else. If she weren't attracted, I would totally understand because everyone has their own personal preferences, and going through with something just because is a disaster in the making.

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  • attraction isn't a choice obviously

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    • I know!

    • but if I had to give a better explanative answer, it's because these likely are people are have little or no experience in the dating and relationship scene, and since they see, witness so many people dating and in relationships, they feel left out, they feel it's unfair that it's easier for others but a struggle for them

  • You're not obligated to date him at all, but just don't try to be friends with the guy either. I think that's where it enters the selfish realm. I think the moment somebody hits on you and you're not attracted, you should just go your separate ways.

    I don't feel anybody is obligated to date me by any means, I just get seriously annoyed if I get strung along or she tries to omit the fact she isn't interested in dating to keep me as a friend. Been there and it created nothing but animosity.

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What Girls Said 5

  • No, you shouldn't "date" someone you aren't attracted to. A lot of people think of dating as just to date. Dating is a way to find someone to marry, so dating anyone that asks is odd. However, that is not to say you should not hang out with him, maybe in group settings. If you get to know him better you might find you like him. But totally don't date someone unless you think they are someone you really like.

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  • Because they want to be seen as 'kindhearted' person.They suggest this and that to us since its not they are the one who need to face it so they don't care anything about it.I have one friend who said I was bad for rejecting a dude that I wasn't interested in.Then there was one time she rejected a dude so I did the same as she did to me.I asked her hey why don't you give him a chance? That day you asked me to do so now why don't you try it yourself? She ended up silent.People can be so nosy.

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  • I HATE that ! It happens to me all the time as well... If there is no chemistry - there is just no chemistry. Giving it 'a chance' is pointless...

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    • I KNOW! Would a guy EVER date someone they didn't want to?! Why should we have to?

  • I don't like that attitude either. Why should girls play nice and go out with people they aren't initially attracted too? Guys get to turn down girls all the time and it's normal/expected.

    Also you gotta figure it's effectively a pity date if you give the guy a chance and no one wants that.

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  • Well, you can't really give a chance to every single person who approaches you or you'd be considered a tramp. Selectively choosing those who you feel would be compatible with you is the best way to proceed. Having said this, YES, of course there are times where I've wanted someone to want me and we were not able to act on those feelings. You can't just hop into a relationship with whomever at any given time. There are often other circumstances keeping things at bay.

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