What am I doing in this relationship?

Been together since Jan. '12. I'm 28 and he's 31. Moved boyfriend into my apartment early on into the relationship due to him needing care (inguinal hernia surgery) and his landlord dying (state took over the building). Since then, we have been through more than a typical couple (my trust issues from being cheated on before), pregnancy/miscarriage, and now our emotional disconnection. He has this "I don't care attitude", we don't even sleep in the same bed, we don't cuddle, and he can't be positive. Knowing me, I am a positive and affectionate person. One night, I said I just want him to hold me for one night and WANT to want me in his arms like the beginning. I slept in his bed, but his back was towards me.

This is literally every work day. He does not have a car, by the way. I wake him up, drive him to/from work, grab food, watch TV until he falls asleep on the couch, and I sleep alone. I try to wake him up to come upstairs, but he falls right back to sleep. It does not even matter if he comes upstairs because we sleep in our own beds. He says he does not care if I sleep with him in his bed. Even when I do, our backs are to each other. Next to no intimacy. Passionate kissing is oh-so-rare and it hardly happens with our one time weekly no pants dance. Even those times, I don’t feel connected afterward because he walks out of the room/downstairs and watches TV. Last time he cuddled with me was Christmas because I was saying how I am wanting to give up on us. I always tell him I want more affection and feel like we are roommates. Told him I am lonely sleeping in my own bed without him by my side and us not being affectionate. Loved the mornings of us being beside each other goofing off. Sometimes, I would wake up to him kissing me on the forehead.

Could you live like this? You would swear I was bi-polar. I get the wild hair to try to be my usual upbeat and happy self and try to realize that there is more to life than being a Debbie Downer…and other times, I just admit defeat and cry.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I personally would of given up on this a long time ago, because to me, for any couple to be comfortable sleeping anywhere but beside the one you love, then your simply, no longer in love, because if I didn't feel that secure feeling of having my partners body heat or smell or just sense of them being there, then I would feel alone, so to have them in another bed, would be a no way, so for me, this relationship is damaged, and if not beyond repair, then its in need of some drastic changes, and immediately, because this is a damaged relationship, and if the effort I was putting in was not returned, then that's it, I would want a life without the emotional rollercoaster turmoil, I couldn't put up with wanting them but constantly feel that they don't want me, so I would ask them to leave, and if they wanted to salvage this relationship, I would demand they remember where I am and make an effort in building back what has been damaged, otherwise I would say, its been nice while it lasted, but no thanks, not while its no longer nice to be around you, so state your want on this relationship, but also demand that he will need to show you he wants it to work as well otherwise leave now, make him prove he is worthy of you, not you him,x

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What Guys Said 1

  • sounds like he's upset about something in his life. that ain't the behavior of a happy man

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What Girls Said 1

  • You're just new in this relationship and should be on the honeymoon stage but seems like no attraction or passion on his side. Me and my boyfriend been together over 2 years, and we still cuddle when we sleep together. Seems like he's not that into you. He's just being comfortable having you around to run errands for him and have some place to sleep every night..Practically you're not in a relationship. Stop trying to get affection from him and talk to him about this. Believe his actions rather than his words if he tries to convince you he loves you. Tell him to look for other place to stay and that you deserve better--in a levelheaded manner. No crying, no drama. He's just not that into you and his actions speaks loudly.

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