I know it is a "bitch move" but it's not like I meant for any of it.

A while ago I was working with this girl who would say I was like her little sister at work. We'd make plans to hang out and she would manage to bail every time so I gave up. Back in November she told me that she was in love with another coworker of ours and that since he was now single for a few weeks she was going to go after him. About a week later she told me how they made out and the next night he totally bailed on her the next day and a "grogy" woman answered the phone a few mornings later when they had made plans to help her find a car.

Now I'm not usually the person she confides in and she only told me this story. It's also common for her to exaggerate things which makes me think that it's not totally true. I'm guessing more likely that she tried to make a move, he said he liked me, and she was trying to prevent me from "winning". She ended up transferring to another branch a few towns over more than a month ago. She texted me last week asking to hang out so I agreed. She ended up calling me the other night while I was out at dinner and I called back. She sounded really sad about us hanging out. So I'm guessing she knows already that he and I started dating but I feel like when we go to hang out I should be up front with her.

I was thinking about saying "I'm guessing you've probably heard the rumors but if not so&so and I have been dating since New Years. I didn't mean for it to happen but it did. We both really like each other and he's really respectful of me. I just thought you should hear it in person from me. I hope we can still be friends."

I'm really worried that she's going to freak out at me but it's not like I stole him since they weren't dating and he pursued me. Am I completely in the wrong for what I did? What kind of reaction should I expect from her since she usually exaggerates?

I'm meeting her tomorrow afternoon and am just really nervous. Especially since my guy is away at training to be a Sargent so it's not like I can call him and he'll come get me like he normally would. I don't have him around to reassure me or clear up the facts because I never asked him before. I didn't think I'd see this girl again so I didn't think it mattered what may or may not have happened between them.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Dont bring it up. She might have forgotton about it by now. If you do mention it play dumb and say by the way we re dating. But don't mention the I hope we can stay friends part unless she acts negatively. But don't self incriminate yourself by saying that. Act like you did nothing wrong, which you didint. When people try to challenge you like that, just ignore them don't engage back. Because it'd immature and I'm sure your more mature than that. You can still be friends but don't further feed their competativeness by being competative back. Competition is good thing in many things like sports, buisness, etc. But the one place it doesn't belong is in dating or talking to men/women. Men aren't objects, so aren't women, they're people. Its not a game either nor is it a business, this is peoples feelings here. I unintentionally ruined a friendship between two girls. The one girl was a close friend who had feelings for me but I just liked her as friends but she was a close friend who I trusted. The second I had

    Feelings for and we started dating. Well, a couple months later she broke up with me. The whole situation was a total loss for everyone. I lost someone who I had feelings for, a friend I really trusted, and they lost their friendship. A situation I did not ask to be put in. It wasn't about one being "better" than the other. I just had feelings for the other. It wasn't like one was more attractive or attracted me better. Love is not about persuasion for somebody to love you and people are "better" than other. Its you either have chemistry or you don't. So this is why its stupid and dangerous for girls to compete over a guy. Unless they're trying to sleep with a guy, well that might be different. But, no dating someone is not something you compete over.

    • Well when we went to get coffee she asked if I'd met anyone at my school. I told her no because I didn't meet him at school, we all met at work. She took that to mean I wasn't dating anyone at all so I let her believe it because I ended up having a really good time with her; better than I thought. I felt so guilty afterward for letting her jump to the conclusion I was still single that I texted her apologizing for lying and informing her of who I was currently seeing. I think she took it well.

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    • Your welcome. Good luck with everything!

    • Would you mind answering a question I have about Valentine's day with him?

      girlsaskguys.com /Relationships-Questions/800296-guys-would-you-appreciate-getting-a-valentine-s.html


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You are not in the wrong. It's OK I liked a girl but she didn't like me. She thought my friend is cute though. He's like a dreamy handsome guy. Was I jealous or angry? Not At all I was even happy for my friend for being attractive to many girls and even now I love him guts. Relationships shouldn't stop friendships. It just wasn't meant to be I wouldn't even mention id.


What Girls Said 2

  • You haven't really done anything wrong here, she might still be upset but there isn't really much you can do about that. If he "really likes you", then in the end she never would of had a chance in the first place and as you stated, she told you that she tried to get with him but it didn't work out.

  • If it's been a while, it's possible that she's already moved on. Otherwise, I don't know that I would even bring it up unless she mentions it.

    • She told me he's the reason she transferred and I feel like if I'm not up front with her it will be even worse. She has a couple friends back at work who he had told we were seeing each other and if she asked about any new gossip I can guarantee something was said to her.

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    • I would like to be friends and I illegitimately tried when we worked together to hangout outside of work but it never happened. I'm not sorry at all for what happened so I can't apologize to her. I'd mostly just be saying how tis is what happened and she can take it or leave it.

    • Well, there's not much else you can do besides that. It shouldn't matter to you too much either way. You can't please everyone in life, sometimes that will happen.