How do I move on from this guy?

I met this guy in college we became friends and then eventually friends with benefits, because he said he wasn't looking for anything serious. he's 26 and I'm 20. So almost a year of being friends with benefits I got attached to him. I know I shouldn't have but I did. The problem is he kept sending me mixed signals. He would say things like "your so nice and smart, don't put yourself down, you are better then that". Then he doesn't answer my text message. I did try not talking to him before but he always texts me or "accidentally" calling me. We even had a argument once, because he said he wasn't up for the sex anymore and didn't want to complicate us. I got hurt and he said I'm so sorry I never meant to make you upset, I still wanna talk and hang out with you. Two weeks later he kissed me and was back to how it was before. I wanna get over him because he is very hot & cold with me. Some days he's so sweet to me then other days he'll ignore my texts and barely talk to me. I get really hurt when he ignores me. How do I move on from him? What can I do? it sucks because I actually like him a lot but I'm not even sure if he likes me...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well to be honest, once you are friends with benefits...the dynamic is difficult to change. I have never done it but I have seen it happen far too often, usually the girl is the one getting attached. I may say though, he seems to have a soft corner for you. But at the same time, he is nice to you to get over the guilt of playing with your feelings. You see, the best way to not get too invested is to stop answering his texts. When you bump into him anywhere, act very sweet and unaffected by him. Pretend you are completely satisfied and that things are going great with you. He'll definitely come up to you and be polite and ask how things are. Just say you are doing really well and then say you would love to talk and find an excuse to walk away (need the bathroom, run errands etc). He'll wonder why his usual attitude isn't working on you. But at the same time, don't try to play a game...really work on being a better you...only then will he like you, because you are truly in a different place. So empty him out of your system, move forward and see how he'll start wondering what is different. Once he starts pursuing, control your impulses. Don't let him sleep with you so easily, don't reply to all his msgs straight away or too enthusiastically. Condition yourself to think of him as a friend. THIS IS IMPORTANT THOUGH: If he doesn't come running after you, then everything he did was fake and he'll only be more destructive if you keep him in your life. In this case, the best thing for you is to miss him and realize that he just won't give you what you want, no matter how much you give. With guys its rarely about how much you give but how much you show you don't need them but want them. In his case, he isn't being respectful towards you and its hurting you, trust me...a really nice guy won't leave you in this state and definitely won't ignore you. Learn to occupy yourself and don't get into FWB situations, its never as easy as it seems. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • You really need to move on from him.
    There's a lot of things that you can do.
    1. Ignore his texts and calls.
    2. Avoid seeing him.
    3. Find new guys to finally have your own relationship

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  • You are one of the cutest girls I've ever seen.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I have been in the exact same situation before, it made me crazy and in the end it wasn't worth it

    You can try straight up telling him that you are interested in more than being fwb, and if he doesn't feel the same way I would suggest just cutting him off, which is what I had to do

    To be honest, if he is texting you or calling you when you stop talking to him, it's probably just because he is horny, and unless he tries a lot harder to get you back he doesn't deserve you

    It might take you months to totally get over it but it is completely worth it and you will walk away from it feeling proud of yourself because you didn't continue to drag yourself through this ordeal

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  • Well, first I suggest telling him how you feel. Like, everything you've ever wanted to tell him. Just do it to get it off your chest. Not to try to change your relationship, or work things out or anything like that. Just so you won't look back and think, "maybe if I did/said that, things would be different". To give yourself some closure.

    Then, cut him off completely. At least for a while. A good long while. However long it takes you to stop thinking about him.

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