I been with him 9 years! and I find him disloyal!

i been with my partner about 9 years...

randomly I text off my cousin phone yesterday sayin hi,

he didn't know it wo me, but he text back straight away... initiating a conversation with a stranger (me)

i igonred it, and let my cousin text him (she doesn't know) so she's texting to find out who it is and he's texting her back and getting really cozy

he only told me he loved me a week before and was takig about marriage, wanting to settle down with me

he's the real reserved type and is always telling me he doesn't speak to girls.. I've encouraged him to speak to girls and be 'normal'

now I'm irritated as I don''t know what to make of this

should I test him or just leave it

tnk you to every1 who has left a comment. has been quite an eye opener.

firstly I said I been with him about 9 years, I was16 going on17 when we first met, and I am 24 now

as for testing him,i wasn't testing him,i just text of my cousin phone saying and hi, and left it

since,i have found he messages her everyday every few hours, has been flirty with her, asking to meet, commenting on her picture,wt she wearn, saying he'd like to get to know her intimately

i have seen these msgs for myself
also I'd like to make clear, the reason why I posed 'should I test him' was only as short while ago he wanted to get married to me (he's told me he loves me quite a few times)

i was asking should I come clean and tell him it was me and think nothing of it. or allow for my cuzn to text him and him none the wiser

i now have evidence that he would like to get another girl intimately and I'm sorry if anyone out there thinks I'm wrong but I dnt like the the fact he rathr be with sm1 else and not me


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  • I once had a girl I was dating "testing" me exactly like that, one time, within days of meeting she called me REALLY drunk from her half sisters cellphone, now said sister was from a different state and practically the only person from that state I have ever met, so months later I get those test messages from a number of that state, I inmediately know "it is her" (she never even mentioned she had a half sister, weeks later I asked her were she was she said "at grandma's" only later admitted that indeed she was not getting wasted with her grandma :P I guess the alcohol was that much that she didn't even remembered calling that night).

    my Girlfriend knows I am social and that I have many good female friends, but this other girl I was dating was like "hell no, he can not talk to anybody" so she tested me to see if I would bite the hook, so I get those messages from her "grandma" telling me how handsome I am and I am like "ohhh thanks, I am blushing" and a lot of smiley faces and winks, I was not being "disloyal", I KNEW it was her, and quite honestly it pissed me off, but took it easy and decided to be playful about it, I never truly flirted with the "grandma" just wrote " :) you seem to be charming too", and when she was like "come home and watch a movie with me" I simply said "haha thanks again but from the phone numbre I can see you are far away" then she was like "yes, the phone is from away but I am visiting here" and I am like "so :) enjoy your stay" and stop answering for good.

    next thing I know she is complaining and everything and I am like "I am the one who should be angry, if you trust me fine, if you don't gom play games on another man", and well, she did, she found herself a boytoy and I wish them look, even if she had decided to stay, before the incident I had already gotten creepy vibes from her, the "test" just proved me right, she came back when her anger faded but I knew better, offer her my friendship, and it was honest, it still is, but I don't want a girl like that for a relationship.

    I understand, people can be hurt and then find it hard to trust again, but that is your problem and only you can solve it, if you have trust issues even if he was the sweetest man you will be second guessing everything and angry and sad, is not up to him to solve your trust issues, he can hyelp, and he would probably be pleased to, and you may say "and if he indeed is not worth my trust?" well, again, love requires faith, people will fail intentionally or not, if he is someone you try and trust do it, if not, don't test him, leave him, you are irritated by him "failing" your "test" think how irritated you would be if he were testing YOU, I bet you will be "my Boyfriend doesn't trust me, then he SURELY doesn't love me at all, if he loved me he would believe in me"

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      That is the Paradox. The girls that play these games would never accept them being played on them. But they expect your love to overcome their pettiness. Because they are so worth it. Low self esteem and narcissism doesn't mix well...

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      he really likes a random stranger? o.O you sure he is not turning the "test" on you? of course he may be an idiot, but then again, you chose that idiot, the advise is still the same, if he is otherwise worthy solve your issues and trust him as much as you can, if he is not or you can not trust him, leave him

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      oh, and again, do not "confront him", think how it would be:

      "hey, you are cheating!" -how do you know?- "I have been fooling you"

      he may be cheating with a girl on his MIND, you are entitled to doubt him your mind too, but you ACTED on that suspisions, he has not acted on his, you both have failed, forgive each other or break up