What is up with the women on online dating sites?

I've talked to a couple women online dating sites before , what annoys me is why make an effort in something you're clearly not interested in?

Its not like they don't talk at all, they find you attractive and talk to you often yet they never want to meet up? Even after weeks of talking, a simple meet up for a cup is out of the question?

So My question is why make an effort at all and waste men's time when they can be spending time with other girls who actually are interested?

Who else deals with the same thing?

  • They are just not that interested in meeting up or dating
    62% (8)20% (3)39% (11)Vote
  • They don't find you that attractive.
    8% (1)47% (7)29% (8)Vote
  • No one truly knows
    30% (4)33% (5)32% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to get to know someone a little bit before you decide they are worth getting to know outside of the internet. No offense but they probably decided you aren't their type. You said you have only talked to a couple of women? It takes talking to a lot of people before you can find the person that is right for you. I have talked to men that have been on dating websites and according to them a lot of women won't even bother to talk to them, women are very selective, in nature the female of the species always decides who she will mate with as opposed to the male deciding. And then if even when they do talk to them the guys have a hard time getting a date, its normal. The women are not messing with you. She is saving you time by deciding not to pursue it because she knows she won't be interested long term. It's not even personal it has to do with personality differences and interests.


What Girls Said 16

  • I hear ya. It's not even just the women. A guy just did that to me. We messaged and hung out a few times then all of a sudden contact was less and less and now nothing. And before that there were guys who would just talk and never meet up.

    You just have to make it clear what you want ahead of time. People use the net sometimes just because they don't have to put themselves out there. They want some attention but not an actual relationship, or they want a relationship but not with you. They just drag you along so they can feel like they have at least SOMEONE to talk to if the person they want isn't available.

    I hate wasting my time too so I usually make it obvious right away if I'm not interested, but some people are not so considerate. I'd say, talk for about 3 or 4 messages back and forth and then ask to meetup. It's a good way to weed out the ones who are just wasting time.

  • I find that girls on dating sites are very much window shopping. Just browsing to see what's out there and maybe, just maybe giving one a try.

  • they might be insecure? they could feel lke they were different in real life? if it's a girl asking this... EWWW!

  • Oh men are worse trust me. I understand. I have used every dating site out there with like 2 dates to show in 4 years. Yes you read that correctly and that was even using ones that are geared towards people that want to settle down. I think people get on there just to see what's out there not realizing that the people they may be talking to are seriously looking. All I get is men that want to be friends, married men occasionally, or terribly too often men that want to meet to hookup (nasty anyone). The worst were when I used Eharmony or Chemistry. Expensive and a long process to even get to email. Sometimes it just wasn't compatibility, but 8 times out of ten the guys would ask me how long they had to wait for sex or if I liked certain acts in the first email. I knew they were not for me. But I agree it is frustrating. Also make sure you aren't trying too hard too soon. I have this guy I have been talking to off and on for a year. He gets upset I won't meet him, BUT he wants me to meet him after midnight at either his house or Walmart. He says he doesn't know if he wants to take people on dates till he meets them and nobody takes a stranger for a date before metting them. I tell him he's crazy and until he chooses a normal time I won't meet. I don't know him and it sets off red flags for me. So at least offer to meet for coffee if nothing else. Good Luck though.

  • online dating it crap. and its harder for the girl to trust the guy is good.

  • I do. But it is with men. They tell me they think I'm their type yet they don't make the effort to meetup.

  • Dating sites should merely serve as a jumpstart to actually meeting people. These girls you mentioned sound like they're stringing you along for attention. You should block them/ignore them.

  • I'm kind of in the same boat with a guy. We've been communicating for four months. He says he's not against meeting up, but he's busy with work, farming, school & spending time with his family. :( All I wanna do is say hi...

  • online dating is crap! wasted so much time behind guys who werent serious at all..also if they did not like you they don't tell you its not gonna workout find someone else..rather they go silent and never contact again...and that's what drives me nuts! why do guys do that ?

  • I t's not just the women, I've been on a dating site for awhile & the same thing happens to me. Lots of men message me, chat me up, give me the "big" talk, even ask me out...but they chicken out when I say yes. Or if I ask them out. I don't know why they are there. I do not want an email buddy, but apparently most people do.

    No confidence would be my guess. That, or they do not look like their photo. In that case, we have dodged a bullet! LOL

  • It's why I ended up deleting my account. I thought it was something I'd be interested in and I would like. I find it easier to connect to people online. So I joined PoF years ago. However, once I was done my profile and I noticed all the messages I felt overwhelmed and found that I didn't connect well like I do with message boards or other social sites. Which sucks, and I don't know why that is. I can still talk really well with people on the internet, just not on dating sites. I ended up deleting my account after a week or so. I just couldn't get into it.

  • They are just there for an ego boost.

  • Maybe they've just changed their mind. Just move onto the next one on there.

    I have talked to guys online myself and nothing has come of it either. LoL hoe one invites me to his place. I just ignore that and change the subject. Gee wonder what he was only after! Roll eyes.

    One had turned into a relationship as well. So it does work!

    Learnt not to take it all to seriously and use it as a tool just to meet new people even if it is for just a chat online.

  • Could be playing games, may not be interested, could be many possibilities.

  • It could be "A" or "B" ... but if you are wasting all that much time, I think you're using online dating the wrong way. It's a good place to put out lots of feelers for potential people to meet, not a place to invest hours and hours of your time chatting. Also, free sites have more instance of people who aren't sure what they want than paid ones do.


What Guys Said 2

  • There are a lot office and female window shoppers on dating sites.

    The guy I know who got the most out of online dating (like 5+ first dates a week) would ask women out for coffee or a drink with his first message. Some back and forthed a little. But basically he didn't waste time on women who were also looking to not waste time. He basically said if she's not interested in a quick in person meeting based on profile and text, it's not going anywhere.

    Two caveats:

    I do know at least one couple who are together after moving slow. It's not that it never happens.

    Second, the above mainly applies if you live in a big city where meeting for coffee or a drink is easy. If you love in the middle of nowhere and a first date will involve hours of travel, I think people make more of an effort before meeting.

    • I live in New York city ironically but I figured being more gentleman is the key with most women

    • Be a gentleman but also be direct.

      If they don't want to meet for a coffee or drink, move on.

    • Agreed. Just meeting someone in person isn't committing to anything or taking it too fast. A girl usually knows if she has some interest right away. If she says no then move on. A guy just messaged me last night and asked to meet up. I said yes because I appreciated the directness and would rather know for sure if I liked him before sending each other detailed messages. On a side note, if a girl can't meet up now but gives you a time when she can, then you should be good.

  • becuase women think that they are the important gender and ugly guys like us are not allowed to have GFs

    • Not true. A guy who isn't considered attractive by society's standards can still be attractive if he has a lot going for him. Likewise, a cute guy can be a bore if he doesn't do anything at all. Some things just aren't meant to be. I say that every person who says no is helping you save your time and giving you the chance to meet someone who will say yes.

    • would you give an ugly guy a chance to show you he has a lot going for him ? NO

    • She means that an ugly guy has a lot going for him when he has money or status to give him a chance... that's how
      Ugly men get women personality only works when your goodlooking or ugly men come off as arrogant when they show confidence or personality