What is he playing at?

My ex boyfriend is sending mixed signals. He broke up with me in February because he 'stopped loving me'. At first when we spoke, he was distant and cold and eventually he told me he didn't want to speak to me anymore. So he cut off all contact with me. I cried, but I never let him know that. Then not even a week later he came online and apologized repeatedly, saying he cared too much to lose me completely. He even said recently that not having me around is hell for him. Since then we've got on really well. We don't argue anymore, we flirt a bit and just generally enjoy talking to each other. Please remember this is all online. He always starts the conversations.

He's had an interest in around 6 or 7 girls since we broke up. Most of them turned him down. He started seeing one, but a week into their relationship she cheated on him and dumped him. The guy she is now with dumped his girlfriend, who then started paying attention to Shaun. A week after that relationship broke down, my ex got with the other girl. They've been together nearly a month. He still talks to me most days, but the other night he really confused me. He started saying that his new relationship just can't compare to what we had and that he always thinks of me around her. He's nearly called her my name several times. He said she could never replace me either. He has kept everything I ever gave him and gets emotional when he sees those things, he cries over all our old songs and he smokes now to 'hide the pain'. He's never touched a cigarette before now because he's asthmatic. He also drinks a lot more than he used to. When I told him that he shouldn't be doing or saying all those things if he's over me, he just said "I know" when he'd usually insist he's moved on.

A few days ago he agreed to meet me, but then changed his mind two days later saying he had too much going on. He promised he'd meet me eventually because he really wanted to. I got frustrated with him and sent him an email saying that I don't believe his feelings have changed and that he needs to think about what he wants. No reply. He did however sign in today and start talking immediately. After laughing and joking for a while, he put a sad face. When asked why, he said it didn't matter. (Why do it if he doesn't want me to know?) Then when I said nothing, he started saying he missed his girlfriend because she's gone away for a week. I went quiet and he started saying things like "come on darling, talk to me" and "I'm always here for you babe". He also added me again on Facebook, even though we agreed before that I'd add him when I was ready to.

I really don't know what to think. He said he only loves me as a friend, but these things seem a lot more than just friendship to me. He also doesn't mention his girlfriend a lot unless I mention another guy. He recently started calling me baby again too. What do you think of this? Does he have feelings that he's trying to hide? Or is he just playing games?

Updates:
I've asked some close friends for advice on this already, both male, and they think that he still has feelings for me but he's just not willing to admit it outright. I know I should move on, but I just want to know what he's thinking. Help?

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What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him to sh*t or get off the pot with you. Tell him that the way he's acting makes him look weak and unsure of himself, and that it's making him look unattractive to you. That will really hit him where it hurts. You have to stand up to him and tell him that you have no plans of waiting for him to make up his mind. Start dating other guys. Basically, tell him that you care about him and that you want to be with him, but that you're not gonna take his crap and mindgames. BUT the trick, is that when you say it, you gotta be strong and confident when you do. You can't appear weak and unsure.

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