He is black and I am white, we're in love but we can't be together otherwise my parents will disown me!!

I met this guy two years ago at my best friend's birthday party December 2010. It had only been 3 months from the time I had broken up (October 2010) from my boyfriend of three years, and we talked all night, and he asked for my number.

after that evening we started texting each other every minute of every day. Literally.

then after a month we went on our first date at the cinema and watched 'love and other drugs'. which was a bit awkward for me. and after that date we went on another date.

after two months of talking and going on dates and texting each other we kissed and he asked me to be his girlfriend or as he called it his baby girl :) I said yes... we always argued when it came to meeting up and me going around his house, as he was always working and I didn't want to be home late. Beginning of June 2011 it was a weekday and we had agreed to meet each other, and he said to me that he would leave work one hour early and I should be there at 4. so I was there 5min early and he wasn't there, so I text him and asked where was he and he said he was still at work. we argued over text messaging, and we both said a lot of ugly things, and he texted me saying 'delete my phone number and never ever contact me ever again' and I texted back in tears 'oh trust me I already have and your phone number is the last number I'd want in my phone'.

at the end of June 2011 I went on holiday for a month back to my hometown and one week on holiday he emailed me on Facebook apologising and saying he missed me and gave his number and wanted to see me when I was back in England. And so we did, and we got back together, and then everything fell into place for good.

September 2011 I went to university and our relationship was going downhill so I decided to call it all off. But we wanted to stay just friends

After a week he texted me just saying 'hi' and I replied back and from there we started talking again just as friends. Until we met December 2011 and had sex and all those feelings came back again. and from there we text, talk and every time we meet we have sex , and we're still in love with each other, even though we keep having arguments about when to meet and how we both don’t have the time and how we both don’t have the time and we keep blaming each other that neither one of us cares.

Called him three days ago and his two friends and sister were around his house (both girls), I couldn’t speak with him at that moment and then called him around 11pm and when I asked him where were his friends going to sleep he said in his bed, and when I asked him where was he sleeping he said on the sofa or might sleep on the same bed with them. Called him three days ago and his two friends and sister were around his house (both girls), I couldn’t speak with him at that moment and then called him around 11pm and when I asked him where were his friends going to sleep he said in his bed, and when I asked him where was he sleeping he said on the sofa or might sleep on the same bed with them.

Updates:
I got furious, and hanged up on him. And the next day he called me in the evening and we argued so much. He told me how I am so immature, act like a child, and I don’t respect him. And he just lost it and he said he didn’t need all this and hanged up on me. Then I sent him long text 3 pages where I told him I wasn’t upset earlier and I wasn’t upset at this moment either, and I was just tired as I was in the library all day. And he said that we are so different and he had accepted me the way I'm
, and I hadn’t accepted him and how I judged him, which is not true. And then the next day I went in London for the day, and when I was just going to go back to Canterbury I texted him to say that I wanted to see him and I was at the train station. He took 30min to reply to me,and said that he was very far and he would be home at 8pm, and I said its OK because my train wasn’t arriving until 7pm, as it was delayed. And he said nothing.
And then I said ‘I knew that I wasn’t going to see you tonight’ and he said ‘well guess you were right’.. So I got on the train and ended up in tears and wrote him and long text saying that I was right and I was also right in telling him that his words hurt me a lot and that was because I still loved him and cared about him. and he didn’t reply back at all for two days, and for two nights I cried myself to sleep because I knew something was wrong and he wasn’t telling me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, it's not working out. I'd move on if I were you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • where is the part about parents not being cool with this relationship?

    it sounds to me like you two have a volatile relationship. Neither of you act as mature as you should in a relationship. Neither of you seem to respect each others' feelings enough to handle issue maturely and carefully. It seems to me that if oen of the biggest issues is deciding who is going to meet who and when and where then all other relationship issues are going to be magnified by the stress caused the simple unresolved task of meeting up.

    Regardless of a person's feelings in relationships issues and conflicts need to be handled with respect, care and patience and it sounds like arguments escalate from issue to argument way to quickly

    It sounds to me like you two need to break up.

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    • I haven't written about that part because my parents don't know anything about this. yeah I suppose, I mean wherever there is a point to be discussed we always tend to argue and don't talk to each for a day or two. yeah time and trust in a way, has always been a big issue in all this, and we always argue because of that. and we agreed to meet tomorrow as he is off work for a day and we're going to talk. and yeah we do need to be apart as its better that way.

  • Stop seeing him. You both need to grow up and mature before you're able to deal with a proper relationship.

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    • True, every time I try and stop all this he just doesn't want to let go off of me, and we're back to where we started, I just don't know how to stop this

  • What I'm seeing here is a bunch of on-again-off-again bullsh*t that speaks to an extremely unstable relationship and has absolutely nothing to do with your parents disowning you.

    What, exactly, is your question?

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    • I guess I just need some advice on all this, I really do apologize for such a long text, but the only reason why I wrote all this here is to get some advice. I do apologize for causing you to read this much I guess its a bit too much

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    • Look, you've been on and off with this guy more times than I care to count. Clearly, something just isn't working. You need to accept that it isn't working and that it's not going to. Giving it "one more try" isn't going to fix anything. You've been on this emotional roller coaster for so long that you don't know how to get off. And it's really not that hard.

      You say "I'm done, and it's over" and then you don't get back on. Ever.

    • There is a lot of things we tend to disagree on, one of the biggest issue in this on and off 'relationship' is the time which we don't have due to the more important commitments we both have like he works and finished late, and I'm in uni the whole week and 2 hours away on the train from each other. and tomorrow I have agreed to meet him as he is off work for a day and we'll talk.

What Girls Said 3

  • honestly I think the guy couldve talked about it properly, he shouldn't have dissed you off so quickly and went into full denial, (this is so annoying for me because it reminds me so much of my as*hole father, he runs away from all his problems, never admits his faults and mistakes, takes credit from everyone else, treats family like sht and treats friends like royalty, seriously if I had bullet for every time he made my life miserable there'd be nothing left of him to identify) anyway you've given him far too many chances to repent but he remains in denial so I think you should just break up with him, he may be your love but he's not worth it, take it from someone born in a family where her mother regrets ever meeting her love and the first born (me) is a bastard child that was only brought into the world to make sure the father gets to marry my mother), you'll just be in a miserable spiralling doom if you keep chasing the fool, its best to let him loose, he's so not worth your lifetime.

    I may have gotten my own personal feelings and experiences mixed in so sry, I just can't stand the type of guys who think they can just toy with someone and get away with it, I'd rip his head off if I had the chance.

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    • aww I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you, really am sorry honestly, because I understand how you and your mum feel and it sucks. yeah we agreed to meet tomorrow and I'll talk to him and I just pray for some courage to tell him how I actually feel and what's the right thing to do, because it has been 3 days I have cried myself to sleep because of him and he doesn't even care, as his actions speak louder than words, even though he says I am assuming things.

  • I think you guys have given this relationship more than its fair chance. It's obviously not going to work out, so just cut off all contact with him, grieve, and move on.

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    • i have tried in the past so much to cut all my contacts with him, but deep down I knew that it wasn't over, until now that I feel so confused and so hurt, after crying myself to sleep for three nights in a row because of him. I don't know how to end all this :(:(

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    • Glad I could help. I wish you the best in the healing process. Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent.

    • aww you're so nice, thank you so much for your kind words honestly, you have no idea how much they help.

  • How long are you going to let racism control your life?

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    • my parents aren't racist, its just when it comes to relationships they expect me to be with someone who is white and hopefully from the same country or close to my country, as me. other than that they are fine with the idea of having multiracial friends.

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    • Honestly it's not about race, maybe it is but with culture not personal. I wouldn't want my little girl to have to go through the stigma of beening with a black guy and having half black babies. She would be ripped the rest of her life for it. most time afterward no one will have her. Except the low life crack dealers. Sorry just speaking truth.

    • What redneck backwater are you from?

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