I'm dating a nerdy guy, and he is not a good communicator, help! nerdy guys advice?

Hi, I am a pretty outgoing and sociable person and recently I have started dating this pretty nerdy guy and I find him totally amazing. I could care less how geeky he is. But my issue is that he works ALOT, pretty much around the clock and is a terrible communicator. Often ignores texts, does not return calls. This confuses me because when we are together he seems completely into me, in fact, I know he is. But given him communication I would have to think otherwise. He is not the type of guy to run around with multiple girls, he's actually the exact opposite. Any advice? How do you deal with a guy like this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds as simple as you make it. He's really busy!

    Now if the issue is that he's not spending enough time with you, then this is something to address.

    But if you tell him that you expect him to text you and call you all the time, then he may be less than enthused, because you're essentially giving him a full-time job on top of the one he already has.

    My guess is he's not much of a multi-tasker. He probably wants to schedule a certain portion of his week to be with you, and to focus just on you. Then he wants to spend the rest of the week focusing on his job. You can look at this one of two ways. You can either be flattered that he sees you as a distraction to his work and can't focus on both at the same time, or you can be jealous that he's not willing to devote every moment to you.

    He also needs to be flexible, since this is a relationship. He can't just pigeonhole you into one crevice of his busy life without you being okay with it. At the same time, you should respect that he works a certain way, and might need fewer distractions when he's working. You don't want to come off as overly needy.

    You two want to decide as a couple how much time to spend together, when to respond to texts and phone calls.


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What Guys Said 4

  • You need to tell him his mistakes. Probably he isn't aware that his minor issues are annoying you. Let him know and surely he take heed. If he doesn't then take d last most evasive action.btw regarding communication, try to be the ice breaker sometimes.

  • I can't see the problem here ..I mean you already know that he won't return calls and he is nerdy so like him as he is and when you are together like face to face then use him with every way that makes you comfort that he is all yours and know that when he is out working then he is working and can;t do anything with even a text IT'S YOUR CHOICE

    • well lol part of the problem is not communicating enough to make plans! When we do hang out, we hang out for days on end, but making the plans can be a problem when one party doesn't respond. Any suggestions?

    • yeah take control like set the time and the place and just tell him I want you in this place at this time you know what I mean ? don't wait him to ask you out you do it ...it seems unusual for a girl

      but knowing that he wants to ask you every time yo do

  • as a guy who use to be sort of like that I can tell you just giv him so time, if yiour his first real girlfriend and he works as much as you say he does then judging from that he must have been a bit of a recluse before hand. if that's the case then its not that he's ignoring you its that he not super accostemed to having someone waiting on a response from him, it probably makes him a little nervous, I know that's how I was. if I'm wrong please comment or send a message, id love to help more

    • thanks. definitely not his first relationship, but then again, I don't know his complete relationship history. Just that he has dated other girls in the past (but he is older, 32 so he should have dated people in the past) he could definitely be nervous or not be accustomed to people waiting for a response... but what do you suggest? keep contacting him? sometimes I feel like I am being annoying..

    • Show All
    • so what do you suggest I do? should I tell him how I feel?

    • i think you should. all men suffer from the irrotional fear we won't be accepted by a girl we've deemed perfect, maybe you telling him your feelings and that your not leaving him will spur hi to open up more

  • Just how nerdy is he? What TV character would you group him with? Urkle, Don Knots, the cast of Big Bang?

    • lol not urkle.. I don't really know how to compare but super IT techy, Ivy league, president of the class type of nerdy, works around the clock, can easily work until 5/6am

What Girls Said 1

  • you say he doesn't call you or answer any texts at work but he's all over you when your together right? then he's probably hiding it from his workmates so he doesn't get teased

    its perfectly normal especially if he has low self esteem, your relationship isn't in danger, you can either leave him be or help him improve, a good way to while keeping yourself from being discovered is to have him experience something that'll improve his self esteem (nothing drastic though) or the both of you can talk about it properly and help him directly, good communication is essential in a healthy good relationship :)

    I can understand and relate because my situation is similar to yours, but reversed, my boyfriend is normal and I'm the geeky one (im good at physics, chemistry, science, math, technology, mechanics and history, specifically ww2) I'm trying really hard to keep it buried(buried since 3rd year HS age 14) but my boyfriend actually likes me being geeky, and I thunk he has a kink/fetish for my glasses (which I have contacts for) and for the smell of my clothes (I often wear light winter clothes regardless of season because I love feeling my own comfy warmth, he says I feel like a big cotton ball of pheromones o__o), we love each other but I don't answer his calls or texts while at work and he knows it and is perfectly fine with it, but in exchange he made me swear that my friends and his friends + his parents get to know about us, I didn't like the piblicity at all but I accepted on the condition that my family doesn't get to know, I don't want my parents anywhere near my love-life even if I have to pay for the wedding myself(no where near there yet o.o) and will never let them lay eyes on my child/ren(doesn't exist yet o.o) I really really hate my parents, only thing ill give them in return is a pile of sht and a liter of kerosene for father (not piss, I have a weird feeling he has that fetish o_o) and one red spider lily as a pass to the burning gates [higanbana - red spider lily - hell flower] and maybe a bouquet of white lily flowers with one crysanthemun flower in the center of the bundle for my mom when theyre buried.. so yeah, lol

    good luck with your relationship :)