How can I begin to read just my point of view?

So, as I like to say, I have more baggage than a commercial airliner. Between growing up poor, having an abusive and alcoholic father, my brother being killed in a car wreck and my overprotective mother and older brother, I tend to have a lot of obstacles in my dating path.

To add on to this, I am very head strong, somewhat stubborn, I have a low bullsh*t tolerance, and a very intense fear of intimacy and I refuse to go to a therapist because sitting around and talking about my feelings isn't on the top of the list of things I'd like to do.

On the other hand, I can be very nice and I have a good hold on my temper, I'm good at resolving conflicts without arguing and coming to a compromise.

But the moment I'm in a dating relationship and it looks like things might get really serious I get this choking feeling and I'm terrified I'm going to lose all my freedom and I have to grow up completely. I didn't have much of a childhood in the first place and what little time I have left to have fun and be free I'm trying to cling onto because I want my turn.

The thought of sex even scares me and it's not that I never have those feelings but the the thought of actually having sex with a guy and being that intimately close to him is terrifying.

As of now I'm trying to do the right thing but I don't where to begin to get my head on straight.

I just have this feeling inside of me where I want to break free and have fun and do whatever and not have to think about the consequences all the time like I always do. But that feeling goes against my personality.

How can I readjust myself before I get older and keep settling into these habits?


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What Guys Said 1

  • See a therapist, nuff said because you need the help and can't do it alone.

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