Pros & Cons with this guy? 10 points...

Ok, instead of boring everyone with this, I've separated my issue with this guy into pros & cons. We started dating for around a month BUT he just called things off with his girlfriend about 2 weeks before we'd started talking so obviously he wasn't properly over her. Me having his best interest in mind suggested he should try again with her. And he did try, BUT it never worked out :/.

PROS:

When I see him now, he always greets me with a big warm smile and a hug and will rub my lower back.

I always catch him looking at me off-guard.

He sometimes messes my hair up.

He's asked about my love life and remembers important things about my life.

He shows concern about my life in general.

When we were briefly dating he treated me very well, always told me how pretty I was and how he liked everything about me. He'd walk me home all the way to my door.

He'd cook me dinner. Tel me personal things about him. I trusted him so much too!

He'd make me breakfast if I stayed over at his.

He even enjoyed going walks with me.

GREAT listener. Kind hearted.

I never slept with him either (or anyone for that matter) so he still has a lot of respect for me.

CONS:

He brought up our past time of dating last time I saw him and he got annoyed about how it ended and he kind of placed a bit of that blame on me (it was, but he decided to call it off at the time too).

I started seeing his friend for a while.

Whenever he's seen me with this friend of his he gets cold towards me and doesn't look me in the eye.

He did kinda hurt me when he had drank too much once and was confused about his feelings.

He's been a mess ever since things didn't work out between me and him.

And worst of all, he has been with a few girls since (purely in a sexual way :()

When we text he's sometimes very vague/cold (but he's always cheery in person with me)

I am terrified that he just wants to string me along.

And please don't judge me for going on a few dates with his friend, I regret that too!

What should I do here?


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What Guys Said 1

  • he seems like a human being. a caring person who is not perfect all the time. I can't say if this will work or not because I don't know your situation. I say pursue him, but with caution. give him a chance, but be careful too.and make a decision as to whether he's ready to commit or you are just another checkbox on his list.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds like you guys have a great relationship as friends, and the potential for romance is there, but I don't think it's going to work out right now. Clearly this guy is not over his ex, and this is manifesting itself in relationship problems between the two of you. If he was willing to try again with her, he clearly wasn't over her. If he was completely at peace with his past and focused on his relationship with you, he would not have left you for the chance to get back with his ex. I think the reason he was annoyed about your breakup is that things didn't work out with her, and now he's sort of upset that you encouraged him to put his heart on the line for something that ultimately failed.

    Part of the reason he's upset over losing you is probably the loss of companionship that everyone feels after a breakup. You guys started dating in that void he felt after losing his ex, which means he did not have time to heal and become his own person again before moving on to someone else. This is why most rebound relationships fall apart. I'm sure he genuinely likes you and is attracted to you, but the intense love he must have felt for his ex is not going to evaporate overnight. He needs to heal from that before he can have a strong and fulfilling relationship with you, and until he does that it's probably not going to work. You'll have to put up with more "confusion," more drunk crying, more watching him silently pine for her. You will most likely become resentful and it will disintegrate your relationship.

    The best advice I have for you is to stay friends with this guy. It seems like outside of dating, you guys get along well and have an amazing relationship. So keep things platonic until he gets over his ex and then try again. But if one or both of you can't handle being friends... I hate to say it, but you may have to cut contact until a later date. Sorry if this isn't the advice you want to hear, but that's my honest opinion on the situation.

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