Opinions... Am I a horrible person?

My girlfriend and I were going out/living together for about 2 years. Our relationship faded really bad over the past couple months, and I emotionally checked out. She noticed and it was painful for both of us, but it was a rocky relationship the entire time, we weren't happy so we decided to end it. Really, that's not a "bad" break-up IMO. However, since I had emotionally checked out months before, it was quite easy for me to move on, but we were still living together (not sex or anything, I know, dumb idea). Regardless, I started texting a girl soon after, and of course I didn't tell her I was doing this, even though we were broken up, I wanted to spare her feelings. while I was sleeping one night, she read my phone, saw the texts, and babam... I am an unfaithful montster who caused her mental breakdown and made her get committed to the mental health unit. By no mean was I "right" to start texting someone new, but c'mon, am I horrible?

Updates:
- I was her idea to end it

- I told her she is important to me, which is 100% true... she feels I lied... can she not be important to me while I text another girl?

Thanks for comments everyone.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not a horrible person. But if I were in her place, I'd feel bad and I really wouldn't like you that much anymore. Just try to look at things from her perspective, maybe she had a feeling you would be able to work things out? Did you officially break up and then still lived together or did you "mentally check out" and live together without an official break up? Because without the break up being said out loud, she could still have the feeling you were together, you could work things through or something.

    So I understand her feelings, but I don't think you're a horrible person at all.

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    • Hmm, this is a good answer.

    • we were officially broken up. And yes, I would feel horrible too if she moved on that quickly. I totally understand her feelings, but I do not feel I am responsible for her reaction.

    • It's easier to blame the guy when a girl is upset after a relationship. I understand her too though. But a lot of people here say you're not horrible, so just ignore whatever she says in the future.

What Girls Said 9

  • I'm a little confused. Did you text the other girl before or after you both broke up? Then after you broke up, you guys were living together for sake of convenience right? In my book, once you break up you break up. You're ex is your ex and therefore neither of you owe the other explanations for what happens after the breakup. But she had to check into the mental ward because of that text message? Really? This chick needs to go to counseling. Either she's overly dramatic ... to the point of being ridiculous, or she needs some serous therapy. There are more problems in her life then you just texting another girl. But dude, wtf? move out. this whole we're exes who live together thing is really dumb.

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    • "I started texting a girl soon after [...], even though we were broken up"

    • Show All
    • The point is that he doesn't have to answer to her. He's not with her anymore, so why bother?

    • she knew the texts were from before. yeah, we were living together for convinience, she had somewhere to go, and I went and got her boxes but... it took her over a week before she even put one together.

  • Look, you know you were dumb and did something stupid. Tell her that and move freaking on. You are what you and she is what she is. You knew she has problems when you were with her so you really should have f***k move on and let her know instead of texting another girl. Now, you learn so move on. I don't think you are horrible but I think were in idiot. If you checked out then you need to physically move on. Now, she know it when someone else check out in the future. I am just saying, you should learn. Read Oscar Pistorius on the news lately. Be thankful your ex wasn't into guns.

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    • I did move on, which is why I texted another girl. We broke up, we agreed to break up, we agreed she would move out... I THEN texted this girl...

  • Um, hello! Move out of there! Are you living together because its convenient? I mean if you broke up then you need to sever ties to allow each other some space. That was your first mistake. Your second was that you should have talked to her about talking to a another girl before it all happened, to make sure that its over completely.

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  • I think what you did wrong was that you emotionally checked out and let it linger rather than ending it sooner.

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    • It just really hurts when your partner starts getting cold towards you and they won't tell you why. It's a horrible feeling of limbo. It's best to rip off the band-aid sooner.

    • Yeah, I agree with you. it was cowardly of me to do that. It is not something I am proud of.

  • You texted the girl after you guys were broken up. But seriously dude you should lock your phone. Another thing you should do is move out. She has feelings for you and whether or not you have moved on, she invested 2 years in you and she hasn't checked out. What would make you a horrible person is if you stay there and continue to hurt her (though you aren't trying to). Find a room for rent or something but you can't live with her. The end result will really really bad.

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    • She was planning on moving out, I even went and got her cardboard boxes, but she wouldn't start packing...

    • She didn't really want to move out. Maybe she thought there was an incentive for her to stay

  • You should have probably ended it when you stopped feeling the same way about her. So in a way that was kinda bad. But you can't change that now so maybe try and apologize?;)

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    • 2 year relations don't end that fast... It usually takes a bit of time to make the decision.

  • Hell no your NOT horrible. you had every right to talk to others and she's the one who went through your phone. if she's in a mental treatment then there was something wrong with her before you even met

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  • You could of been a bit more honest. I do think that the state she's in now is pretty bad,but you did not expect that to happen and you're not a bad person for what's happened. I do generally think that you should of totally moved apart,because living together didn't make it easy for her and now she's in this bad situation with you left feeling bad about it so there's no doubt it has not done either of you good. You need to maybe speak with her and support her,but you can't not move on just because of her as then you'll both be miserable. In time it will get better and hopefully things are OK between you guys even if you don't see each other. You can't beat yourself up about it and also she broke it off in the first place and it was hurting you guys being together when you knew it was not working. Just try and patch things over with her and that's all you can do.

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  • Yes

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What Guys Said 5

  • hey... You're not a bad person just because you wanted to move on, specially when it was her fault since she broke up with you. Yes, you could have fought a bit for her trying to make things work out again (supposing you didn't, since you don't answer that question in here) but that's the past. She should understand that you're still in love with her but you had no choice besides moving on.

    If she broke up with you to test you attitude, she should be prepared for disappointment but it would be a stupid way to leave you since that's the first thing most man think about to forget another person. No, you can't possibly forget someone that you love in a matter of day. That can take up to some years even but depends on how you handle it and depends on your own personality.

    If you can talk to her and say what you feel and what choices you had to make, she will understand but you have to make her notice that you're still in love with her and you still want to be with her and if she doesn't want that anymore, you will be forced, one more time, to move on even though you don't want to.

    If you can't, than text her or send her a letter telling about your words. If you think she won't read, than send anonymously and probably she will (ID your self by your own words though)

    If nothing works, just forget about everything you had together and think about moving to another house or you will be suffering and causing her to suffer every single second you look at each other.

    Cheers, and good luck :)

    PS: If you do it, you're not being a jerk, you're just being human

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  • I don't see how this is your fault since you two were already broken up. Even though you still lived together, doesn't mean she has the right to go through your personal property. That's her own fault, but I guess it is quite insensitive to do that to her in a way since you just recently broke up and were actually still living together. Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, no you're not a horrible person.

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  • You can be.

    It must be that she still has feelings for you, and you weren't honest with her.

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  • Its always the guys fault God forbid the women screws up, but when she does its cute or there was a good reason. When a guy screws up its OMG what a scumbag.

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  • No. It is not easy to end things and not sure why you are supposed to feel like crap every time a relationship ends. I like new beginnings sometimes.

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