What "baggage" do you feel that you have dating-wise? Why do you think you have this "baggage"?

Also, how does your "baggage" affect your behavior in regards to dating and "relations"?

Answer in as much detail as you wish.

Feel free to go anonymous if you need the protection to open up fully.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow. OKay I have a HUGE problem with commitment. I've had too many sh!tty relationships and had a boyfriend cheat on me. I'd prefer friends with benefits to relationships because then I could do whatever the hell I wanted without having a guy hit me or swear at me for being stupid or a b!tch etc.

    I don't trust easily. I have huge walls built up for my protection because I just have too many trust issues that date back to when I was a kid. I have best friends of like 2 or 3 years that I'm not sure I can fully trust.

    Ummmmm...yeah I don't know what else, those are my two big ones.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I won't go into detail about why I have the baggage that I do, both because I think its taken a long time to develop the bad patterns I am in and also because It is hard to pinpoint when or why it started.

    I have a blanket distrust of people. I assume the worst. I won't outright think you are a liar, but if a guy doesn't call when he says he is going to or he pulls back a bit (maybe for being busy) I automatically assume he is cheating or losing interest. I don't outright confront the person about it because most of the time, I know I am being irrational. However, I will still cry and feel sad and silently freak out about it.

    I live in constant fear that the people I love/care about are going to leave me because of me, that I will push them away, so, a fear of abandonment.

    I have a weird sense of disconnection. I can almost never believe that another human being can feel for me the type of intense emotions and thoughts that I feel for them.

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  • I don't really have any serious baggage. But what little I have is comprised of two things:

    1) I usually end up attracted to inexperienced guys. I think it's because I'm into nerds and I just got out of high school, but usually the guys I like haven't had girlfriends yet or had one not-very-serious one. That lands me in situations in which even though I'm a virgin I'm a lot more experienced than they are, both emotionally and physically. That has scared guys before and it will probably continue to.

    2) I don't know how much I should know a guy before dating. My first serious boyfriend had been my best friend before that and it turned out horribly. Because of that the next guy I got with I hardly knew at all and that turned out horribly too. So I'm really scared to date guys that I don't know and I'm also scared to date guys that I know well but guys don't usually reside in between stranger and friend for very long. Therefore, I'm really hesitant to date anybody.

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  • Being a stripper who hangs out with her exes, my dad left, I dated my babysitter.

    Wow I did not realize it was that bad.

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  • I know I have jealousy issues :/ I can't seem to trust people

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  • I have trust issues. I am shy and it takes awhile for me to let people truly in.

    And right now I am in love with someone who is currently dating someone else.

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  • Major trust issues :(... Every time when I start getting close to someone, I pull back. There has never been a person in my life whom I can trust. And every time I tried to trust someone, it always ends up as betrayal.

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  • I'm terrible at giving compliments.

    I go bat-sh*t crazy when I PMS sometimes

    I'm really bad about drunk-texting.

    I'm still a virgin and have very strange conflicting feelings regarding premarital sex (aka considered it in the past but tend to hear my mother's voice in my head telling me how wrong it is), also concerned with the usual 'would I be good at it', 'would he like to see me naked', 'is he just using me', etc. Also have a personal belief that sex is only with someone you love, so there's that whole 'do I really love him' thing too.

    Also have troubles with my weight...

    And I'm really tall, so I feel like a big ugly ogre sometimes. Particularly when I date shorter or thinner guys.

    This is a much longer list than I thought it would be...

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  • I'm afraid a guy will lose interest and leave me once I sleep with him.

    I'm also afraid guys like me just because I'm Asian (it's happened twice before).

    I feel guilty about these thoughts because it affects all of my relationships to various degrees, no matter how great the guy is. My current boyfriend is amazing and he's really committed to me, but I'm still afraid he'll leave. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, since he didn't do anything to deserve my doubts.

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  • I have trust issues, and insecurity issues. I always like the man much more than he likes me, so I end up trying to hide that because I feel silly. Then he assumes I don't like him. It's a big mess, haha!

    I have trust issues because not one person I've been interested in turned out to be trustworthy. I have insecurity issues from being fat for so long before finally losing the weight. The other issue? I don't know why that one is. It affects all of my relationships though, I always care about my friends more than they care about me too, so it's everywhere. I'm working on these things :-)

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    • I have the same situation! I also lost weight, about 40 lbs so my brother says I still have the "fat girl syndrome" haha

    • Exactly! "Fat girl syndrome" - I know that well. I lost 150 pounds and somehow I still see and feel those pounds every minute. Ugh, haha!

  • I have a sort of autism, well it's not really autism but you can compare it to it you would never notice it when your talking to me, not even when your living with me but it affects me 24/7 in my thinking and behaving, to the other person it might just look like I'm a dumb blond the one moment and the other I'm suddenly very bright, sometimes it reflect in a attitude as well and I say really rude or hurtful things without realizing it.

    Due to this I feel I don't really want to let people close to me because I know I'll end up hurting them without knowing it.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I have trust issues. Been used in the past. Also, moving has made it harder for me to open up to people since in the back of my mind and I expect them to be out of my life at any moment.

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  • I have insrcurities and expectations that may be a bit unrealistic. I used to be a really fat kid but now that I've lost it I still feel like a fatty inside. I expect to be able to feel a romance like in the movies but only better.

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  • I have lots of baggage, but I don't let it hold me back. I learn something every time.

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  • I'm in idiod

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  • I had feelings for, who I am still convinced, is an awesome girl, she just didn't know how to properly handle rejecting guys. great girl and everything, but the side I saw of her was awful. so much confusion. she lied to me to avoid hurting me before throwing out some really hurtful things, and in the end, really hurt me more that way than just rejecting me upfront.

    I really thought we had a lot in common, and because of the way things were going I really thought I had a chance. in the end I just couldn't trust her and when I can't trust a girl like her, who can I trust? she was the greatest girl I've known. so many girls fail to leave any sort of impression on me, she was the one that did leave an impression on me and now it's all ruined... it's been ruined and I have no idea how it could ever be fixed at this point.

    I still think about her so much, years later. the worst thing, I felt this way about her and I didn't expect her to feel near as much for me as I did for her, not at all, I just hoped she saw me for me and was willing to get to know me more and give things a chance. I wasn't in any rush and only wanted to be best friends. I don't know how you could even say no to at least giving something a chance like that. and I really thought she was willing to.

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  • I'm 100 pounds overweight.

    I'm an awesome guy, great with people, and good looking otherwise. So if I lost the weight, I'd be fine.

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