Why don't women initiate texting or calling ?

I have been dating this girl for some time now. I am usually the one initiating conversation she is usually responsive and when I ask her out I get a yes or she reschedule for a better time. I just can't understand why she doesn't text me or call me every now and then.

Why don't women initiate texting or calling ?

Updates:
Well it turns out she was interested I didn't text or call her for a few days. Then the next thing I know it she's giving me a call in the morning asking me how I was doing. We made plans to go see a movie this week. Thanks for all your help it was much appreciated.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If she's rescheduling and continuing the conversation with you, then your probably still in good standing. She's most likely just very insecure or old fashioned.

    The reality is most women don't initiate anything out of a few simple fears.

    1. Fear of rejection

    2. Fear of looking to clingy

    3. Fear of bother the person

    4. Fear of being to easy

    5. Fear of having a bad reputation for being the pursuer (see #4).

    What funny though, is that aside from #5, is that guys fear all the same stuff. I just think it boils down to ignorance and laziness. Some girls just feel like guys are these fantasy creatures with no fears, no insecurities, no emotions, and are beaming full of unmeasurable confidence. Obviously that's not true. We battle the same inner wars you girls do, we're just forced to overcome it, which leads me to my second point. Many women who suffer from the fears listed above, are unwilling, too lazy, or not courageous enough to overcome them but instead of figuring out how to, they lean on the crutch which is history and gender roles. They're too afraid to initiate so instead of chalking it up to her lack of confidence, she'll instead justify to herself that she is a girl who shouldn't pursue so that she doesn't feel so bad about being insecure. It's essentially an excuse that women have held onto when they want to get out of anything that's tough with regards to dating. Basically its a game of chicken to see who will flinch first, but the girls always win because society forces the guys to flinch.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Why don't women initiate texting or calling ?

    In general probably due to gender roles and double standards no different than why don't guys get called 'sl*ts' instead of praised. Guys are deemed the "pursuers" so gals are going against gender roles for gals to pursue and the notion is that gals have it oh so easy when it comes to finding dates/relationships so for a gal to pursue a guy she's not only unfeminine but desperate indicating she's lesser goods/lacking options.

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  • Girls don't call or text because they think it would be seen as pursuing the guy. They also feel they may look desperate or clingy. I would let her know that it is okay if she wants to call or text you first, that you would really like that, and even that it would put a big smile on your face. Best of luck!

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    • Thanks that was very helpful!

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    • You are right, it should be an equal venture but you have to remember how socialized both woman and men have become. In society women have been trained (mostly by media and other women) that the GUY must always pursue, if not shewill lose him because she is throwing off his game and he won't have the benefit of "winning" you. He will get bored. I'm not saying that's right that women do that or society tell them that, it is just what I have seen from women.

    • Yeah guys feel the same way. I hear what you are saying about women being trained not to pursue or to play hard to get, but what I find ironic is its women who are given that advice. All the men are saying otherwise. It's women thinking they know what guys want and giving false information to their female counterparts. It's self sabotage.

  • for me, the reason why I don't like texting or calling guys first is because I feel like I'm annoying them or bothering them. I don't know if theyre busy, with their friends, etc so I don't want to text him while he's doing something. I like when a guy texts me first because then I know he was thinking about me and wanted to talk to me.

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    • guess what, we think the exact same thing. to the T

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    • guys think the same way, so why is it that we have to initiate when we both are in the same boat?

    • idk because you just should

  • As a woman who is a constant initiator, even with friends, because the introverts makes so many excuses for themselves as to why they should be able to sit on their asses while someone else maintains a relationship for them, I've tended to find that men give me shit SOLELY because I initiated and it is held against me. Girls tend to get called clingy when they initiate because if they *GASP* actually like to connect and talk to their man, that's just crazy if it's not how and when the guy wants it. I'm just a very talkative person in general, so it's hilarious when a man thinks that how I behave with my friends and family means I have a shrine in my basement or something. So yeah, when men stop judging women SOLELY for initiating...we'll get on that.

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  • She is probably scared that she would be bugging you.

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  • Can you tell me why I am always the one scheduling and rescheduling tennis with my guy friend. He is always up for it or ask for a better timing but he NEVER TEXT me first. Why don't my guy friend text me first? I am just curious too cause I am tired of being the one that ask "Hey, do you want to play tennis this ___"...Does he just not want to be my friend or am I bothering him?

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    • Im no sure I know the guy is suppose to be doing initiating the conversation or ask the girl out.

      But some of that should be up to the girl too. If he is doing it repeatedly I would just put him on the back burner don't worry about it too much.

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    • are you guys on even par with tennis skill?

    • Yes we are, well he said so. I played for 4 years... Why do you ask?

  • They are usually afraid they will sound too clingy or desperate, OR she just isn't interested, but she sounds interested if she is responsive.

    Does she carry on the conversation? Does she answer with short responses?(yes, no, maybe, k, etc.)

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    • Her answers are usually more than a few words to a sentence. She isn't responsive sometimes but that's because she's at work. I know that she likes me and that she's interested just seems odd she would let me know she was thinking about me.

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    • Just so you know guys feel that stuff too.

    • I didn't say that guys don't feel stuff, I know that they do, but they don't over- think things like girls do.

  • My mom taught me to never call a boy/man until the relationship is defined. Everytime I reach out in an undefined relationship I feel rejected. So whether that rule is relevant your girl is probably more traditional. Make her feel comfortable by reciprocating if/when she does reach out and being very clear about where you two stand throughout the progression of your relationship and she'll come around more ie reciprocate the initiations.

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  • I never feel comfortable contacting guys :/ guys ask me to and I still dont, I guess I am strange.

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  • Sounds like she's just not that into you

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  • It's not generally considered ladylike to chase a guy down in any way. It shows an impatience that ultimately wears a guys nerves thin as it turns to "nagging"...

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  • they should sometimes. at first a girl shouldn't run too much but once she is seeing the guy for a bit and he is consistently in contact. if she never is then she's either a bitch/spoiled or not that into you

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  • Maybe she feels like she annoys you..don't wanna seem to clingy..sometimes women defeat themselves that way..we make up all soughts crap in our heads.
    Most of us do atleast.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I stop texting after talking with a girl long enough to see if she's interested. It helps me see who is interested and who is not.

    I would never want to enter a relationship feeling like an afterthought to my partner. If she doesn't initiate a simple "How is your day going?" once I have stopped texting then honestly, I am not missing out on anything because it shows that she will be the same way to me in a relationship and I will be neglected. I want mutual caring in my next relationship with someone who has a good set of social skills and isn't in that immature stage of "seeming clingy" for simply saying hello to another person.

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  • If you've already asked her out and she said yes, yet she constantly reschedules plans and makes no effort to contact you - she's wasting your time. Sounds to me like she's just using you for attention. She wants you to make her feel special and wanted while she's off doing whatever it is she normally does.

    A girl did that sh*t to me as well, once I figured it out, I stopped contacting her. She started contacting me some time later - she wanted my attention back. I gave her what she gave me - nothing.

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  • I get sick and tired of girls saying are claiming thatit would make them look desperate or needy clingy because us guys can accidentally come across like that too

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  • really good question. always asked myself why my crush won't call or text but always answer when I initiate. really good answers from the girls...

    the bad part is guys feel the same and this is not good for the future of the relationship...I once texted her first thing in the morning when I got her number. after a while she called me as we were supposed to go out in a bigger group and wanted me to confirm, but that was pretty much it.

    guess it's the same thing over the internet (FB, YM, MSN )

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  • this is the problem with all this "clingy" stuff...

    -They don't contact you incase they feel clingy

    -You don't contact them incase you think your being clingy.

    -You loose them as they don't think you are interested in them anymore.

    -They loose you as you don't think they are interested in you anymore.

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  • Because women sit back and wait for stuff to happen

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