Do you find yourself making excuses for other people?

Question: "I gave him my number, but he hasn't called yet, why?".

Answer: "Maybe he just lost it"

Question: Sometimes he doesn't respond to my texts for days, and then he says "Sorry, I've been busy". Why?"

Answer: "Maybe he really is just busy"

Question: "My girlfriend's been coming home late from work all of a sudden, saying she's been catching up on excess workload. I've also noticed she has a password on her phone now, when she never used to. Could she be cheating?"

Answer: "No, she's probably just working late, and maybe she just has a nosy co-worker. You're making a big deal out of nothing."

Instead of saying "He wasn't really interested" or "Nobody's THAT damn busy" or "Yeah, might want to look into that, dude". I keep seeing people make excuses for others.

I mean, I understand that yes, it's POSSIBLE that dude just lost her number. But is that the most likely reason he hasn't called? Is dude really SO busy that he can't find twenty seconds to respond to a text message? Is a sudden change in behavior to be overlooked simply because it's unpleasant to think about?

I think there's a little part in all of us that wants to believe in the good in people. That wants everything to work out in the end. But I think sometimes we let that selfish desire get in the way of the most likely explanation, and let false hope live where skepticism should be.

I'm guilty of doing this with my personal friends, but I think I keep it to a minimum here. Anonymity and lack of personal interest in the situation make it easier, I think. Do you make excuses for others? Why or why not?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, I do. It's easier to say: "honey, he's just not that into you" to someone you don't relate with. But when my friends have issues it's like: oh maybe he's this or that, he's not cheating, how can he cheat on a wonderful girl like you?"

    Though on here I'm not keen on saying it as well, only when it's really obvious. Because I don't know the people and there may be another decision. I usually give some reasons what could explain the behavior .

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What Girls Said 4

  • Unfortunately, yeah, I always do..

    Life and my parents taught me to give excuses to my friends..

    and look at the good in people, until they prove otherwise.

    Sometimes I give them my trust even though

    my hearts tells me they don't deserve it...

    I guess I have to listen to my heart too next time. ^-^

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  • Yeah I make excuses in my head all the time, it makes me feel better like things happen its not anyone's fault I'm not looking to be mad at someone.

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  • No, I don't.

    If they don't want to talk to me, respond to me, get a hold of me, it's obviously for a reason. I shouldn't waste my time waiting on them when they don't want to take the time to talk to me or respond to me.

    Some people have the biggest bull sh*t reasons and excuses...then they think everything will be fine. I don't like to put up with it.

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  • I have a bad habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't say I'm naive, though (i.e. "gee my boyfriend has been coming home three hours late every night but won't tell me where he is...oh but he's not cheating").

    I always assume that everyone has the same ethical standards I do and often forget that's not the case. I may make excuses at first (for friends or acquaintances) but once you show your true colors, I never make that mistake again.

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What Guys Said 1

  • No, in fact I'm precisely the contrary.

    Let me tell you, it's equally as naive to assume the worst as it is to assume the best.

    Assumptions are hit and miss but the fact is you never know until you find out.

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    • I disagree. I don't think it's naive at all to assume that the most likely explanation is the correct one.

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    • You've misread or ignored what I've said. In my example, "making excuses" would be denying the possibility of a problem, while the logical advice would be to investigate.

      Since we're borderline arguing over absolutely nothing, we're clearly done here.

    • Lol. We are done here!

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