How to have the 'you're not meeting my needs' talk...

She's seemingly been pulling away, texting less, cancelled a date, and I normally initiate 'I love you's' and sex

I've been hurting a ton because I rarely see her and texts take forever to get back, I feel unappreciated despite my attempts to woo her

I know now to give less etc but maybe its too late...

I'm driving an hour to see her tonight to get this off of my chest, how do I approach jr without sounding needy or insecure or whiny?

If we do talk about these real emotions, do we really even have a chance?


0|0
13|2

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think girls do this thing where they don't text, don't say I love you's unless their feeling have faded. I think the more you try to win her back the more she will take you for granted and try less.

    There is also the possibility that she feels super-confident in your relationship, totally trusts you and is just simply busy, but it wouldn't explain the lack of initiative.

    It doesn't mean you don't have a chance, and it's worth talking it out, but if you want an honest conversation you need to make sure you can take no for an answer.

    Just be cool about what she tells you, tell her what you feel but don't be emotional about it. Just say it as it is. ''I rarely hear from you and I'm not sure I'm getting back what I'm putting in into this relationship. It is hurtful when you cancel on me, if I knew earlier I could make other plans. You get my hopes up and crush it - it doesn't feel heartwarming and doesn't feel how it should''

    You have already told her you like her, and you love her - change something now and don't tell her these things this time.

    Good luck!

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 12

  • First I want to commend you because it seems like most guys today don't put in effort or try to woo a girl at all. Second in an era where modern technology i.e cell phones, email, fb etc is so easily accessible, there is no excuse and I mean none that she would take forever to answer a text and it is disrespectful not to do so. Sure I've accidentally left my cell phone at home and then gone to work, but if someone I cared about or even someone I didn't care about left me a text and had to wait longer than an hour I would apologize and get back to them. Third I hate to say it but it's over and quite frankly you deserve better, I wouldn't waste my time driving all the way to tell her either. Don't waste your time on someone who wouldn't give you the time. I'm not a believer in text breakups and I think if you can do it in person that's the way it should be done, but since you guys are long distance a phone call would suffice, if you do end up talking be honest with her relationships should be 50/50 well mb 60/40 (I do think guys should put in a little more effort)

    0|0
    0|0
  • You know now to give less . . . you want to come accross as less needy, insecure, whiny . . . aaaand you're driving over an hour to talk about this? No dude, no. If you know you need to give less, then do it. You don't accomplish this by driving to her to 'talk about it'. You will come across as needy . . . and probably annoy her because there is probably a reason she is not showin the love. I'd save yourself some gas and wait for her ass to get a hold of you. That is what people mean by give less.

    0|0
    0|0
    • If we stay together I will back off a bit, I'm assuming I've been too needy but I do have legit needs. It's important for me to feel appreciated and loved, and right now I don't. I feel by playing hard to get it unavailable she may take it that I'm not interested and it will only hurt me more

    • just give up on her. she's just not into you anymore.

  • The only think you can do is approach it from a stand point of how you feel. Don't come from a place of "you always____" "you never_____." When we do that, the other person becomes defensive.

    You could always say that she hasn't been acting herself and that you are worried that something is going on. You could say "I would hope that if you were unhappy with us that you would say something, and I hope that you know that if something is going on in your life that is really stressing you out or hurting you, that you could tell me and I would help any way I could, even if it just to listen"

    0|0
    0|0
  • take her out to eat have some laughs and then bring up whatever it is that's bothering you..works like a charm!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Talk to her about it! Be prepared for it to be a break up conversation though. I only do those things when I'm easing in to break up with him...

    1|0
    0|0
  • "Hey, you seem like you've been kind of distant lately, is everything okay?" Depending on her response, you could then go on to talk about all of the things you've mentioned here.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Scratch your plan. It's impossible to pull off without sounding needy and insecure. Drive the hour to see her tonight, and have a blast with her. Fake it til you make it. Be funny, be playful, be affectionate. It might kick start what you're looking for, anyway, without having to talk about the emotions. Talk is cheap. Actions work far better.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Love all of that, but this is literally eating me alive. I have to talk to her

    • I do agree that actions work but I also need to be clear as to what I need in a relationship. I've already driven here, and its be needy of me to drive all this way only to spend a cpl of hrs w her(she works late) I drove here to get this off of my chest

  • Just talk to her. The next time you see her, pull her aside and sit her down. Let her know how you're feeling and ask her how she's feeling and why she's pulling away. You won't sound needy or insecure. It seems as though you have a pretty legit reason to let her know that she hasn't been acting like a true partner. I hope it doesn't come to this, but maybe you guys might be headed for a break up.

    0|0
    0|0
    • talked, found out I freaked her out with the too seriousness, and rushed things. since she's super used to being independant and doing her own thing, the concept of 'settling' down into a relaitonship is tough for her, but you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

  • be honest how you feel about her, and what you want, if she wants you then she'll tell you. If distance is a problem for her, ask her.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Firstly,this seems difficult for you so I hope it gets better. I would just explain everything you said here/ how you feel or were you think the relationship is going. But after that I would give her time to explain,maybe what she thinks and how she feels about what you said because there could be more than what you see/assume.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get ready and move on..

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm in your situation:( it sucks sorry I'm no help but just wanted to let you know your not alone.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 2

  • It's pretty much been covered. Get there and ask her if she'd like to go for a bite. Have dinner, see how she acts while you guys are out. If she's laughing, having fun, etc., it's a good sign.
    She might be stressed or have a lot on her plate. I'm going to have the same conversation soon.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Too late for dinner but I agree we should have fun. How do I tell her what's bothering me without it sounding heavy? Although it is heavy , I won't out up with only seeing my girlfriend 1-2 x per wk AND rarely texting

    • The universal answer would be to simply tell her what's on your mind. For me personally, I am going to talk to her and ask her if she's still happy with the relationship. I would also mention that you want to be with her, but there are things that really bother you (what you mentioned). Your best bet would be to ask if everything's okay, if the answer is no, hear her out. If it's yes, go from there. Most importantly, be prepared if things go south. Talking to her equals taking a risk.

  • I need for details about your problem you can go to my page on Facebook and message me your problem. (u can find the link on my profile)

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...