My boyfriends parents won't let us date because I'm black?

Me and boyfriend (he's white) have been dating on and off for over a year now. His parents are nice to my face but when I leave they tell him he can't date me and so on. He ignores it but it still really bothers both of us because we don't want to hide the love we have for each other. What should we do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a tough one. When it really comes down to it, you know what you want. If the two of you want to be together, that is the most important thing. Not getting along with the other halfs family though, can be a huge headache. Do you really want to be a part of a family that would never accept and love you? That would be a huge sacrifice . . . The other thing is, is he a mama's boy? If he is, then you'll never really have him. She'll fight you tooth and nail, and she'll win. That's a hard one to judge though, because you are both so young. Don't worry about it now, not like you're ready for marriage or anything. Take it one day at a time, listen to your heart.

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    • No, he's not a mamas boy him. I'm turning 18 and he's 16. Thank you for your advice.

What Guys Said 4

  • Our parents come from an entirely different generation with an entirely different way of thinking that's influenced by how life experiences for them when they were living in that era. Quite often they may not be as open to the way things are in modern society today. Your situation is rather delicate, not because of your relationship between each other but because of what others perceive about it.

    It's terrible that his parents are tolerating your relationship in you presence but denounce it behind closed doors. Perhaps now is the time that your boyfriend stops ignoring this behavior and try to explain to them how he really feels about you, how important you are in his life and that your race shouldn't be the strongest predetermining factor. He really needs to respectfully explain to them that race should not be as important as character. He should ask them, would it be acceptable if he dated a White woman with your same exact personality?

    Part of being in a relationship is defending and supporting one another in a respectful and compassionate manner. If you do love each other and stay together, you will face these type of situations on a regular basis and you need to be strong and confident enough to weather the storm,wherever it may come from. At home is the best place to start.

    Fortunately for me, I didn't have to worry so much about it in my family, with thee exception of my father, who seemed to be against my choice of mate as well (I'm Black, she's Asian) But with being respectful and trying to get him to see things from a different perspective we won him over. On her side of the family we were well received and accepted as well.

    I really think you can make win them over since they're already straddling the fence. Just be respectful and choose your words carefully (they are his parents) and everything will be fine.

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    • Glad it worked out for you, but this isn't any storybook. She cannot expect to have these same results. Some people are just set in their ways, and this may be a family that cannot be won over. There is a great possibility, that everything WILL NOT be just fine. Not trying to be negative, just realistic. It's easier to be let down gently when you prepare yourself for the fall.

    • Yeah his parents aren't going to be easy to win over.

    • I'm not saying she will be able to win them over, but I still feel they need to at least make an effort. You will never know what mountains you can move without at least trying. I do believe that based on the fact that they are appear to be tolerating in her presence does offer SOME hope. Of course if they are unable to win them over then that will create a whole new dilemma that will come into question with new options that will need to be considered.

  • Just tell em you're not actually black but rather it's a temporary affectation caused by a dietary deficiency and you should be back to your old white self again in a jiffy. Then tell em your great, greatgrandaddy fought under General Lee. Mentally-constipated dullards will believe almost anything.

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  • He has racist parents. Just tell them to deal with it.

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  • Just wait until you are both old enough to not live with your parents anymore and it shouldn't be an issue. It's not their decision to make.

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's normal that it bothers you. What does your boyfriend say when they tell him he can't date you? What would be the difference between you being black and you being white. Will a different skin color have an influence on your personality? No.

    Are you sure it's because of your skincolor? Maybe it's something totally different?

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    • No, it's skin color. They've flat out told him. He tries to defend me the best he can. His family personally knows me and my family and they know I'm not the "stereotypical" black person.

  • wow his parents are very 2 faced like majority of people who are like that to begin with. Its a skin color and they need to get over it. You are no different then him just based on your skin. Don't let his parents stop you both from dating and loving each other. Interracial dating is a beautiful thing so Keep at it. I'm black and my guy is white. His family is racist but he never cared or felt the same way and he doesn't care what his family thinks. I say you ask them why they don't like it directly.

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