Absolutely heartbroken. What do I do?

I'm utterly devastated. I can't stop crying. I'm sorry this is so long, but I need advice : (

I was in bed with my boyfriend and half asleep. He was awake and texting (and drunk). I opened my eyes up and saw him texting some girl and being very flirty. He closed the conversation, and when he did, I saw that he texted a different girl saying he was thinking of the half-naked pic she sent him months ago.

My stomach dropped and I couldn't believe it. I confronted him about it right then but he denied it. Started calling me crazy, but I know what I saw. I kept pushing and he finally admitted that she "randomly" sent him a pic, but that it was completely unsolicited (which I highly doubt). When I brought up him texting her, he denied that, too. I threatened that if I looked at his phone, he meant to tell me that I wouldn't find the same text I just saw minutes ago? He looked and said "it's not there." Meaning he deleted it.

I left in a hurt rage and am completely heartbroken. We had this same issue before...he encourages girls and flirts inappropriately with them. He called me crying and apologizing profusely begging me to forgive him, that he can't live without me. That he was just "feeling insecure and for some stupid reason went to trash for validation."

I don't know what to do. This was the first guy after a string of horrible men that I finally felt that I lucked out with him. We talked about getting married and having a family and future together, but now it all feels destroyed. He's been texting me that he's so sorry he ruined the best thing that ever happened to him and can't live without me.

I wanted to spend my life this man, but I'm worried it will never be the same. What if he doesn't change? What if I just constantly worry about trusting him and being good enough for him?

Am I overreacting? I know there are couples that experience one physically cheating on another and they make it work.

I just don't know what to do. Any personal experiences to relate would be helpful.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're right to be upset, but you are over-reacting. Cheating on you, means he slept with one of these girls. From what we can see, this didn't happen.

    You need to stop labelling every sh*tty thing he does as "cheating" because you're diminishing the word and the act.

    Something else you should do - stop thinking of marrying *anyone* if you're just going to cut and run at the first sign that things aren't fairy-tale perfect.

    Marriage is hard work. It's not a Disney love story. If you can't do the work when the going gets tough, then you have no business getting married in the first place, no matter how much you might love the idea. Your idea of marriage is an illusion.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well I'm glad to see I don't have any personal experiences with this kind of situation but, if everything you say is true he seems just as genuine as you except he is an insecure idiot! If you can live with that it would be better for you to forgive each other and get back together again and be in harmony with each other, as opposed to being in enmity and distrust with one another. but what you rather have a long trail of broken hearts leading nowhere or a relationship that is workable but might fell a little rocky at times

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  • Your social media has ruined your life and his now,aren't you glad?

    Now go cry about social media blues.

    What a life.

    How can you do this to yourself?

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  • I haven't got a personal story about this, but if you imagined your whole life with this guy, maybe you should try and give him another chance. But, it's not going to work out if you can't trust him anymore, because a relationship like that is doomed from the start. Just give it a bit until you have calmed down a little and are thinking clearly, and hopefully you'll realize what would be best for you.

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    • Thanks : / I really appreciate that. That's what so hard about it...this was the first guy I've ever seen myself with. It feels like the future I planned is destroyed. I don't want to give up on him because I know he's devastated thinking he ruined this, but I'm worried I'll look like a fool.

  • You're definitely not over-reacting. You're right to be upset.

    I think you should dump him. As hurt as you are now, you'll be even more hurt if you stay with him.

    He's clearly not capable of staying faithful, and you shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for him.

    It may not feel like it, but there is plenty of really loving, faithful men out there. There is no reason for a good person to settle for a bad person.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You are not over-reacting at all. You have had this issue before, and now you are dealing with it again. The truth is, if you stay with this guy, you will be dealing with this issue again in the future.

    I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think you should stay with him. You think you have found a good man, but you haven't. It's just a different kind of abuse, emotional. This guy says he loves you, but he's really just toying with the idea of love.

    I've never been cheated on, but I have been heartbroken before. I know how you feel in a sense. You two talked about marriage and kids and it seemed wonderful. You think you found someone who you would spend your life with, only to discover that they are not what you thought.

    I think you know the answer, deep inside and that is why you feel heartbroken. It's hard to let go of the dreams inside of your head about what could have been your future with this guy. But you need to let that go and find a man who is going to appreciate what he has and treat you right.

    It will be hard right now, but you will eventually feel better :) My boyfriend just broke up with me tonite, so I know how hard it is to overcome heartbreak. I'm trying to stay strong, and I know that if I can, you can!

    We all go through stuff like this at some point. The important thing to do is focus on what can go right from here on in. Leave your boyfriend, he isn't going to stop doing this. You don't deserve to be dragged along anymore.

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    • Ugh...talk about a coincidence : (

      I honestly do believe he loves me...I've been in a relationship where the "love" was obsession on his part with emotional abuse, and this is different.

      Still, maybe you're right. Maybe I know it won't change and that's why I'm so heartbroken. I've lost guys before, but this beats them all. I'm trying to be positive but that doesn't seem to be an option right now.

    • Maybe it's not the right time for you to leave then? I know that when he is doing things that hurt you, its probably a good thing to leave. But you need to be ready to leave (as funny as that sounds). If you leave too soon, you will always wonder what could have been. Leaving at the right time, when you know you don't want to be with him anymore is best. It will make moving on easier and you won't regret your decision.

  • Ask yourself if you think he is capable of physically cheating on you? We all flirt in some way or another, some more than others. It just depends on what kind of person you are. I've been in a similar situation as him, I had a boyfriend but I still texted other guys and flirted, not because I wanted to bang them (sorry to be crude) but because I suppose a part of me WAS insecure. That and it literally didn't mean a thing to me so it didn't feel like a big deal, it almost felt as if I wasn't doing anything wrong! Only when my boyfriend saw it and got upset was that I realized it wasn't as innocent as I felt it was. On the other hand this may not be the case for your boyfriend, he could really love you but at the same time really love flirting and love attention, not quite as innocently as he's making out. If it does make you feel any better one of my friends slept with her boyfriends best friend and he forgave her. She also cheated on him a second time, he forgave her again and they're currently having a baby and moving in together.

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    • your situation sounds exactly like mine. I don't think he is physically capable of cheating on me. His ex cheated on him multiple times and eventually left him, and he's said he would never do that to me. I think he's just in the moment and feeling insecure so he just seeks the attention. I know I sound like I'm rationalizing it for him, but I honestly believe he wouldn't even kiss another girl.

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