How do you let someone down you like as person?

So here's my dilemma, I met a man via an online dating site and we hit it off with in a light hearted kind of banter, after a week I sent him my number and said if he'd like to text me (because in the past that's usually how the men I've dated correspond) I'd love to hear from him.

He called and we agreed to meet, we were getting along fabulously, flirting, him calling me a sweetheart and saying he was sweet on me and where normally my red alert signal would be going off, I felt that he was sincere.

We had our first date and it was wonderful, ended the night with a great kiss and talked about future plans and then the calls got sporadic and the texts became brief with things said like, you are an amazing woman, you are so sweet, and my favorite... You are obviously a wonderful person and very special.

My friends said he was a player and one friend said, Honey he's just not into you, cut your losses. I expect to hear that coming from most of you too.

My question really is, Men if you actually like a woman as a person but not necessarily as a romantic partner, how do you let them down? I've had men never text me back, that's a clear signal that they aren't into you... But this one has me stumped.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am not very average-guyish, and I don't send women I'm not into texts like that. I'd say things like "you'd make a great friend", "I feel like we can talk", etc. and try not to sound romantic at all.

    I feel like he's possibly trying to back off to not seem so clingy. Or he has interpreted some of the things you say or do as uninterested.

    Make plans with him and see how he behaves in person.

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    • Oh how I wished I asked this question 3 days ago, after listening to my friends "he's not into routine" I decided to end it, my email him was very final so even if he had an inkling of interest left I'm pretty sure I ruined what could have been a terrific friendship. Note to self: follow your gut instinct and block out negative Nelly's or you'll never have a social life :-/

    • If I had a dime for every time some "friend" of whomever I was dating decided to torpedo me, I'd be saying, "What recession?" right now.

      Thanks for the BA and good luck.

What Guys Said 1

  • There is no good way of letting someone down. You basically have 2 options. You can either keep it 100% and tell them you don't see it working out. Or you give them the gradual let down, sending fewer texts. Fewer calls. Not scheduling a date. Usually people take the hint, but then occassionally you eventually have to kind them know you aren't feeling it. But at least they had at least some idea that this may be coming.

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    • Thanks for your response. I pretty much got the hint, but it just surprised me that he kept texting when I pretty much gave him an out. Oh well, live and learn I say. :)

    • He probably felt really guilty about it. Especially when you do have a high opinion of the person. You feel bad for not feeling that "spark" with someone, who is actually a really cool person. I've been there. sometimes you have a connection with 2 different people, you like both of them but you may have just a stronger connection with one over the other and you feel wrong by continuing to date both of them after a certain point.

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