When are standards...standards and when are they just being shallow?

For instance I could say I will only date women who are stupid, this way they are easy to manipulate into bed and once I'm done with their body I can move onto the next one.

Or

I could say I'm a woman who refuses to date a man that's broke and unemployed.

That way I can get a man with money and use him for it and move on to the next one and get money from him too.

When confronted BOTH people say "I have a little thing called "STANDARDS" so excuse me for that."

Really?

Btw I've never met a woman who actually says she would like to date an broke unemployed male.

Never ever.

have you?

What does that say?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I just had to comment on this:

    "A broke unemployed male is usually someone who lacks work ethic and will sponge off of her income. So, kudos to a woman who avoids that.

    As for dating stupid women? Being dishonest about your intentions, no matter how gullible the target is, hurts everyone. "

    Apparently its fine to be dishonest about dating men for money but dating women for their bodies is awful.

    I hope she dies.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Standards are good when they reflect a personal boundary of what you expect in exchange for sharing your body and your life with someone else. Standards are bad when they are an excuse to exclude people.

    As for what I think you really meant with your question, have you ever heard a guy say I'd like to date an ugly girl with a horrible personality?

    I'd have no problem dating a broke unemployed man, but I'd have a lot of problem dating a man uninterested in doing something worthwhile with his life (aka. not living off others while playing video games and/or drinking). Most broke&unemployed guys will be the latter, and blame the former for all their 'misfortunes'. That is a turn-off.

    Then again, not all girls are me.

    But the majority of girls who speak of wanting a guy with a good job etc. is implicitly referring to this.

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    • 1. I have friends who have certain types of women that I find DISGUSTING to look at.

      Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Its subjective.

      I also know people who are sh*tty and I hate their personalities, but they all seem to have tons of friends.

      Again, subjective.

      How "subjective" is a dollar amount?

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    • "o, I'm saying that the dollar in this case is almost completely irrelevant"

      False. Employment status is irreverent to women if you gain no income. i.e. dollars.

      " There are many other factors which may cause a woman to choose a guy with less over one with more."

      True. But money happens to be the most important one.

    • Women claim "ambition" as an attractive trait. What this really means is ability to gain money.

      They want to claim however, its actually going out and doing ANYTHING, i.e. bike riding, getting out of the house, etc.

      Which is hilariously false.

      Ambition "2. Desire for exertion or activity; energy: had no ambition to go dancing."

      Ambition= TRIES HARD= (exertion)

      So if a man tries hard to gain money and FAILS to gain money, he's a loser.

      He still had ambition, he just didn't gain money.

  • The first example is way more shallow than the second. A man who is being used for his money knows he is being used for that, especially if he has nothing in common with the girl and is only using her for sex (as often is the case, that particular kind of manipulation goes both ways). A stupid woman doesn't know she's being manipulated.

    It's not really shallow to say that you won't date a man who is broke and unemployed, especially if the woman is at an age where she is getting ready to settle down and start a marriage and family. You can't start a family with a guy with no money.

    And of course no woman would specifically want to date a broke and unemployed man. Nobody says, "Oh yeah, he absolutely MUST not have a job. Working men, ew, gross." That's like a man saying, "Oh, she should be fat with absolutely no figure with a slight mustache and a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled." Yeah, there are men who are willing to date ugly girls and girls who are willing to date unemployed men, but they never seek them out.

    But to answer the initial question, I think the line between standard and shallow is crossed when:

    1) The expectations are unrealistic. That means that the person with the standards doesn't live up to them themselves. Like when a 2 expects nothing less than an 8 or when a person who is poor expects someone who is filthy rich.

    2) The expectations are entirely too specific and unrealistic. Like, "he MUST have blue eyes and blond hair and be at least 6' tall and only listen to rap and he must hate country music or I won't even look at him." Or, "She must be willing to have sex with me within a week of us meeting but she can't have ever hooked up with another guy before. She must have very little experience but be amazing in bed."

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  • [before reading you should be made aware that this is mostly me ranting, if you don't like it pls stop reading..]

    oh and I'm sure both guys and girls have standards, if you think girls have high standards you should look at the guys standards, many of them expect girls to have surgery just to meet their stupid standards

    why date a guy that's poor or broken if you can date one that's at least stable? I hate gold-diggers especially my father but I don't wanna go with a guy whos flat broke, if I date someone lower than me he'll either use me or stay a bum for the rest of his life, the whole point of life its to achieve and succeed, if you can't even do that then your not worth the effort

    fyi my mom dated the a**hole who is now my father, he was flat broke and he dated her, she liked him for god knows what reason and he dated her because her father was filthy rich and owned a lot of properties but her father hated his guts and made sure he'd never get a peny off the will, so he used her profession to make a fortune while he sits on his ass all day playing solitaire and jerking off to p*rn, so yeah this is why standards exist, so we don't end up with absolute losers than don't even try to work, I by the way hate my fathers guts and want his dna off my system, I even tried to drain my own blood to get it off, I feel disgusted to have even one drop of the filthy disgusting sludge he calls his dna in my genetic sequence, I hope to god it gets purged from my offsprings blood forever (btw he was the one who filled my bloodline with so many genetic diseases, my mothers side only had diabetes, his side have every single other disease, he's like a fckn walking cancer tumor, he needs to be fckn exterminated!

    my standards: not rich, not poor, just stable and is successful, not fat as hell or will exercise to get out of it, good health, well toned, doesn't smoke or take drugs, not an addict, outgoing, sociable, trustworthy, not a psychopath, not bipolar(no offense), not a thickheaded insensitive blockhead, not overly stubborn, not an a**hole or pervert, not sterile or gay, nothing like my father, actually has a heart and cares, doesn't have a huge package, no baldness(dont want any male pattern baldness in my bloodline), no lethal genetic diseases, (I already have neurofibromatosis, heart problems including stroke and heart attack, osteoperosis, arthritis and diabetes in my bloodline, don't want any more genetic diseases, if my mom married someone healthy my blood would only carry diabetes, but she stupidly got pregnant with me and got forced into marriage by that piece of sht meat sac I have to call my father, so not only am I a bastard child I'm a fckn genetic disease pool, thanks a lot a**hole!), no std's, slightly taller than me, etc.. I don't follow all my standards but a few of them are absolute, all those not mentioned has no specific standard and is accepted regardless, in my opinion most guys can achieve these standards fairly easily so mine are not that high.

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    • oh last thing for my standards, I hate guys who are both self superior and self inferior, I want a guy who is always equal with me, so that in the future as a family both of us will share equal authority instead of having an argument about whos more important like my parents always do, I believe a harmonous relationship is one filled with balance, since I'm a pisces I believe a lot in yin yang and tranquility in balance and moderation

  • A broke unemployed male is usually someone who lacks work ethic and will sponge off of her income. So, kudos to a woman who avoids that.

    As for dating stupid women? Being dishonest about your intentions, no matter how gullible the target is, hurts everyone. Find women who actually want to sleep around instead of tricking "stupid" ones into giving it to you when you have no intention of staying with them.

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  • When it would affect your life if the relationship lasts long term, it's a standard. If a guy is unemployed because he JUST lost his job, but he has prospects lined up, that won't likely impact your life in the future because it most likely won't be an ongoing or lasting thing. When a guy is unemployed because he'd rather sleep til noon and play video games all day, it's a different story.

    Conversely, assume you're the athletic type who enjoys doing active outdoor activities like biking and skiing. If a girl is overweight but healthy and physically active, her weight won't likely impact your life because she can participate in the hobbies you enjoy. If a girl is overweight, can't climb a flight of stairs without stopping to catch her breath and has no interest in improving her health, now it could affect your life because eventually you'll probably stop or decrease how often you do those hobbies in favor of something you can do together.

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    • "When a guy is unemployed because he'd rather sleep til noon and play video games all day, it's a different story."

      My problem is, and you'll see from nearly every woman on here is that 9 times out of 10 women automatically assume that if he's broke and unemployed its because he'd rather play video games all day and sleep till noon.

      Thats the problem I have with this.

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    • "But why blame them for drawing plausible conclusions from their experiences?"

      Thats why people invented the law where people are innocent until proven guilty.

      And talking like that you could just as easily say something like that about blacks.

    • People are innocent until proven guilty in criminal cases only. In civil cases the standard of proof is "preponderance of the evidence", which means "more likely than not". The situation described below where women are drawing conclusions based on past experience fits this standard of evidence set forth by the laws you are trying to hide behind.

      So drawing on past experience is wrong if it negatively impacts YOU, but when a girl repeats the same mistakes over and over, she's wrong then too.

  • The difference lies in the reason behind it. Some men might like stupid women because they're often happier. That's not shallow, but your example is. Some women might like men with wealth because they are wealthy themselves and want someone with a similar lifestyle as them. Not shallow. So the difference lies in the "why"

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  • Well, technically those are defined as standards. But they're shallow standards. Not really better than having no standards at all. They're not standards worth respecting.

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  • It says you're pretty biased in that you only pulled at a characteristic females desire. I've never heard a man say he would like to date a fat ugly chick. Never ever. Have you? What does that say? Be fair here. You make this question impossible to answer when it's dripping of cynicism for one gender.

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    • Yes just like how I started off with men who only sleep with women and use them for their bodies.

      Yes I'm completely unfair and bias.

  • This is a very thin line isn't it? I say just date someone that suits you. It's hard to tell what superficial and what isn't these days.

    And dating a guy with no job is not shallow you idiot.

    It's called "I don't want to have to pay for you"

    And besides men are shallow about looks anyway.

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  • This probably is shallow, but I can't date an over weight man. I work hard to keep my body in shape to look good, so I want a guy who feels the same way. I go to the gym all the time, and I eat healthy. I am 26, so at my age I need to because I know that soon my metabolism will be slowing down if it hasn't already.

    Also, I have dated a broke unemployed male. My ex-boyfriend ended up losing his job and he was broke, but we were together for years. The only reason we actually broke up was because he wanted kids and I didn't. And he was the one who dumped me. But for six months in our relationship (we were together for four years) he was unemployed, broke and didn't have a car. I ended up having to drive him places. But at the end of our relationship (and he was working again by then) we could get along because he wanted to start having kids, and I don't want kids. Ever.

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  • this is people's mistake for worshiping logic. therefore, they put emotion below logic. that's wrong. both logic and emotion are equal. you use thinking and feeling to judge and make a decision. unfortunately, different people have different standards.

    i bet you don't have a certain definition or standard of long, short, near, far. etc.

    it seems people will always have to evaluate and evaluate until dead.

    "Btw I've never met a woman who actually says she would like to date an broke unemployed male.

    Never ever."

    what do you expect? both men and women seek benefit. when you want a woman who is stupid and naive, its because you want benefit. you want more control. or you want to be always a hero. you basically want benefit. therefore, you are nothing different than those women who date a man who is better, stronger, richer, smarter. this is what happens to people since men want domination and women want to be dominated.

    at least, women would never date a man who is a submissive slave who wants to be locked in the kitchen.

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What Guys Said 5

  • There's nothing wrong with having or setting standards. I believe that almost everyone has them. This is basically a list of requirements that people seek out when performing a job, looking to purchase a house or car as well as looking for a potential mate. So I don't think the issue of having standards itself presents a problem.

    The problem comes is when we identify these standards. Clearly the guy who will only date "women who are stupid" just because he finds it easier to get them in bed is not really aiming too high for himself or the women he decides to date. Clearly to him, it's something he actually believes in and may or may not see fault with it. Perhaps his reason(s) are that he is not seeking a relationship and it's easier to avoid one if the women he dates are "stupid." We also have to define "stupid", because people may have different 'standards' as to what they define as stupid. You don't believe this, find a clearly clueless person that you pretty much know fits your standard of stupid and ask him/her if they're stupid. Most times I bet they will disagree, clearly giving himself a different standard of intelligence than that of yours.

    Morally there is clearly a problem with this guy who goes after women he feels lacks intelligence, for whatever reason he chooses to rationalize his decision.

    As for the woman who won't date an employed man. Clearly that is her "standard" based on several reasons as well. One clear reason is chances are she has grown up in a society where the man is the procurer, provider, protector, so she may feel she shouldn't pursue a man who is unmotivated to become such which would cast her in that role. That's not saying that she isn't willing to do her part, but her rationale is motivated by the simple fact that "If I am working, then why can't you?" She, like the guy, is entitled to have that standard if that is something she clearly defines as a requirement for a potential mate.

    Again the issue here is morality. If a woman is working, then she has every right to seek a man who is working as well. If she wants to live off the man, and not contribute anything, then again, some guys frown upon a woman like that, but there are some men who don't want their women to work and prefer for them to be at home taking care of the home and the children. My problem comes when the woman is clearly seeking out employed guys exclusively for gain. True some men know she's gold digging and then there's nothing wrong if they're both consensual. Unfortunately, some women do scheme and gold dig on the down low.

    Overall many of us set standards that are morally within reason, and that's based on our desires and issues of morality. We can only be accountable for our own actions so when someone with a lower moral code sets their standards lower, we tend to judge them morally based on our own standards.

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  • I wouldn't put to much thought into it. We're all shallow on some level.

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  • Standards for ANYTHING is perfectly fine...ppl must simply understand that the more standards they have for something, the less likely it is to find something that meets them all.

    It seems like many MANY people in dating like to complain about lack of success, but have high AND unwavering standards!

    So illogically ridiculous.

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  • It's because of standards that people can maximize their pleasure with someone. They don't have to go through all the guys/girls one at a time to achieve what they really want in that person.

    Think of it as a filtering mechanism.

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  • "And dating a guy with no job is not shallow you idiot.

    It's called "I don't want to have to pay for you""

    And dating a woman just for their bodies isn't shallow you BITCH.

    Its called "i want to be able to get an erection."

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