How do I get over feeling so lonely all of the time?

I have friends etc,but I mainly feel LONELY in the area of DATING.I carry myself with dignity and respect always,but guys around me propose being friends with benefits,or some guys I have gone out with just want to hit it and quit it so to speak.It saddens me because I am still young and would like a substantial relationship,but I find that I am becoming increasingly weary of guys and some of their hidden agendas.It upsets me greatly to think someone will do almost anything just to sleep with you,and dispose of you later on.For some reason,I start to feel like a loser because I don't date often...mainly because I come across few guys that I am actually interested in.How do I become optimistic about dating?How do stop feeling like such a loser? I feel like something is wrong with me... :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • The problem is you need to become comfortable with yourself. Until we can become comfortable with being alone, we can't actually love another person, because we use that other person as an escape. We love the reflection of ourselves that we see in that other person.

    You have to come to terms with the fact that you have standards. And yeah, this means you're going to be alone a lot, because a lot of guys, especially at your age, do like to play the field. But in that case, is it a bad thing that you're alone? Or do you need to look at the positives? It's better to be alone than to be with someone who is ultimately going to make you unhappy, and it's better to be alone than with someone who is going to leave soon anyway. If a guy doesn't want to stay, nothing can make him stay.

    You see you being alone as some sort of rejection or indictment about yourself, but it's really not. You're skewing the situation in your mind. You're not alone because something is wrong with you, and you're not alone because you aren't worth commitment. You're alone because you ARE worth commitment. You're alone because you're worth more than the average, more than what these guys felt comfortable giving. You are alone because you are just too good for anything BUT the best.

    You're going to meet a lot of jerks in your life. That'll happen in dating, in the workplace, anywhere. And you're also going to meet so many good people. There are plenty of guys out there who want to commit to you; you just haven't found them yet. They're probably just as scared of our hit-it-and-quit-it society as you are. If you keep your eyes and your heart open, you will find them. Don't lock them out before they get the chance to sweep you off of your feet.

    There's nothing wrong with you. In fact, there's everything RIGHT about you. You're an amazing person and other people see that. Hopefully you can see that too.

    • Catholic Virginia,thankyou so much for your encouraging words.I have been feeling really down and lonely lately about this,but you outlook on this has given me a fresh perspective.I just went out with a guy and supposedly he was having a great time.On the third date he wanted to sleep with me and I declined.Anyway,I haven't heard from him since,and I guess its the rejection that gets me every time.In this society,it saddens me and even frightens me to think that so many girls over step their

    • boundaries for the sake of having a relationship,or thinking it is the way to keep a man.Its disturbing...all of the games that are played...etc.And I intend on keeping your pov in mind,so I can permanently change my mindset to a more postive and fulfilling one.

    • Good luck! I know it's really a blow to the self-esteem every time that happens, but you really just have to remember that that is the guy's problem, not yours. He's the one who, at the end of the day, has to live with those morals and lives a life where he never settles down, whereas you will find someone who loves and cares about you. You ultimately win.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Simply gather more friends. The more friends you have, the easier it is for you find those guys who are actually interested in you.

  • I am 18 and have never dated. I probably will not until I finish college. Besides, I'm not good at socializing. You are not a loser. Be confident. Measure your self-worth not by what you don't have, but by what you already have. Be happy that you aren't one of those people that gets "hit and quit". Be happy that if one day you find someone who really cares for you, you will be glad. The relationships that last the longest are the relationships that are full of caring.

    I'm glad that there are still people out there who believe in carrying themselves with respect and dignity. I try to walk straight and sit up straight, whether or not anyone else cares about it. Find someone who is similar to you, who believes in the same things. Just be happy and be confident. Find something to believe in.


What Girls Said 1

  • Omg, I feel like you too, I am also pretty young, and I just slept with some of them when ever.i felt terrible. I find if you focus on other things and just friendship and relationships will come along.