How do I become a supportive girlfriend?

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months..everything was going well till he spent the weekend with his family and kids from he's previous marriage.. he's very down, cancels our dates... he seems very sad when I call him, I have mentioned if he needs to talk, he can talk to me.. he said thank u... basically a brush off... he's canceled our dates twice... I asked him to meet me tomorrow after work, he's agreed, I just hope he does meet up with me...i care about this guy a great deal, I love the guy... I need some advice on how to handle the situation tomorrow.. I don't want to add more stress to the situation...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys don't talk about their problems. How can you not know this at your age? Talking about our problems doesn't do anything for us.

    If you want to be a supportive girlfriend, stop trying to make him into a girl. He doesn't want to talk about his feelings, or talk about his problems. That's what girls do.

    Guys don't want empathy. We want to solve our problems on our own, without unsolicited advice. Unsolicited advice, while it may be well intentioned, conveys the message that "I don't think you can solve this on your own, so I'm going to help you, even though you didn't ask for it."

    Take his mind off things - if he's brooding, let him brood a little, but drag him out of himself if need be. Remind him what it's like to have fun.

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    • Thank you :)

    • It's my first real relationship and I care about him a great deal..i just want him to be happy...

What Guys Said 4

  • This could be all down to him seeing his kids, so all you can do is listen, see what he speaks about, don't try and filter through anything, just listen to him, if he wants you to know, he will tell you, but to me, his depression is down to seeing his kids, any guy would have a come down from just seeing their kids and then have to leave them behind, its a natural emotion, so time will heal all wounds,x

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  • You don't need to say much. Be a good buddy. Keep on asking him to do stuff, try to avoid demanding to much of him. Do not accuse him of stuff, like "you never think of ME!". If he's really down and depressed that will not help one bit.

    Try to just be with him. Do stuff without adding to his troubles.

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    • He's got an alcohol problem, he drinks 3 whisky and cokes 750 ml Woodstock every night...he was also adopted when he was 7, he's previous wife cheated on him, he only can see his kids at his parents house... he can't take them anywhere...

    • That does definitely complicate things. You may have to put down a foot at some stage with the drinking. For yourself if not for him. Living with an alcoholic is not a good prospect.

  • So um sorry but I'm going to be a little candid here...

    Your first serious relationship is with a guy who was adopted at 7, has and ex and kids that he can only see supervised, his ex cheated on him, and is clearly drinking quite a bit?

    Do you really think this is a good first real relationship for you. I'm sorry but I just don't see you having the relationship skills to navigate all of this. This guy has some serious complex stuff with which he is going to need to deal. I think maybe you need to worry less about him and find yourself someone who doesn't have so many issues to work through.

    Just a suggestion.

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    • I can't just leave,i'm not heartless and I love the guy... I'm willing to support him and help him find the help he needs and deserves.. everyone has abandon him and I'm not going to do the same...the last thing I want is him committing suicide...

  • Just be upfront. You've noticed he's been acting different and you want to be there for him.

    Don't take any issues he's having as something personal against you, but a ally mean it when you say you want to be there for him.

    Maybe getting a few drinks into him will help him open up too lol

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