I don’t usually post online but I’m at my wits trying to understand something.
We’ve known each other for almost 7 years now, and we’ve dated on and off about 5 times. He was my first love. I was 18 then and we are now at our mid-20’s.
We’ve always broken up before for many reasons; jealousy, small fights, we would stop speaking for about a month and then we would become friends again and start dating again. The longest that we didn’t speak was about 4 months.
I left the country once before for 2 years and he kept in touch everyday; even after he had gotten himself a live-in girlfriend. I was heartbroken.
He cheated on his girlfriend (they were a year then) with me, and I know it was wrong but all that time I believed it would be me in the end. But he left, saying he wanted to be good bf.
She ended up cheating on him and leaving him a year after that.
I on the other hand have been exclusively dating a guy I thought I loved for about a year; (I didn’t want to jump in because I developed a sort of fear of relationships)
I decided not to speak with my ex anymore because I didn’t want to get all confused. He contacted me a day before new year’s eve and said he didn’t want us to be that way all the way until 2013. I refused to speak to him.
January 31st he shows up at our home with a bouquet of white roses, asking me to forgive him in front of my family. He said I was important and that he couldn’t live with not having me around.
I forgave him. The guy I was seeing then, knew about this.
He started asking me out on friendly dates, and I would go. I was confident I wouldn’t give in, but I did after about 10 dates.
On those dates he would visit me at work when I had to stay late for OT, and he would always drop me home.
I told the other guy I was seeing that I had fallen in love with someone else and so we stopped seeing each other.
Things with my ex got serious though; we would go out 2-3 times a week, we started making plans about going places and trying new things. But in the beginning he told me he couldn’t commit. So we agreed that if one of us fell in love we would stop seeing each other.
It was confusing, he said he didn’t want to commit but he would check in on me daily, I would do the same back. Remind me to eat dinner, drop me home after every date and surprise me at work. Once he got out of a meeting to pick me up after I lost my wallet. He waited 4 hours.
About 2 weeks ago we had a fight because he cancelled on me twice in a row. He said he couldn't make it for our monthsary (we use the one from back when we were teens) because he wanted to get some rest before Monday came. I was so mad that I went out with my friends.
I saw on his twitter account that he was complaining that I couldve been taking care of him while he was sick instead of going out and enjoying with someone else.
Next day I thought we were okay, it was our monthsary. I didn't bother asking him out again because he declined the first time,
Most Helpful Guy
To be honest with you it sounds to me like you two are trying to re-kindle your first experience, but based on all the event s that have happened. The persistant betrayal of trusts, the attempts to stir jealousy in each other and all the other stuff just really is unhealthy, and it leads me to think that you two really aren't right for each other but when you're lonely or even when you're not you remember those early days of first love.
As the saying goes, "you can't go home again" and it seems to me it is applicable in this case. and In my opinion you two should just cut the cord and say a final farewell.
But if you decide you want to be with him and vice versa, do it. Do it maturely and with an intent on commitment. I think if you two are going to be together you need to stop all the bullsh** and do it. It's pretty f*cked up that you two have hurt other people in the process of deciding whether or not you two are together.
Like you said you're in your mid-20s now, you two aren't 18, the relationship has got to mature if it's going to work2