Help me get a better understanding?

If you care about the history:

I was dating this guy for a year and a half when I started to feel like something wasn't right. He still acted like he cared and everything he just didn't say he loved me as often and I just had a feeling something was off. So naturally I tried to spice things up. We had more sex and I tried to talk to him more and make him feel appreciated. I also did little surprises, I made him a phone background and while he was sleeping went to set it so that when he woke up he would see it. However, I saw that he had been texting another girl ( in ways indefinably crossing the line, he said she was the best and that he had her on a pedestal, talked about some pretty sexual topics ect.) I didn't want to see this but it helped me to see why things seemed different. I gave it a couple days of thought and then tried to talk to him about my feelings. He promised me that nothing was different and that there was nobody else, then I called him out. he said sorry and I told him I needed some time. Over a couple weeks I let it go, my feeling for him are stronger than letting it all go over text messages.

The current problem:

He told me that he doesn't want a relationship, and that it is not that he doesn't want one with me, he says it is that he is confused and just doesn't want the responsibility or commitment. He still says he loves me and to other I guess it could look like we are in a relationship. All I would like is an outsiders perspective on his mind set and what I should do about it. Thanks sorry about the wordiness :/ lol


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Most Helpful Guy

  • *sigh* girls these days... why do you need anybodys advice when its quite clear what his intentions are? well maybe he got sick of dating and doesn't take you seriously anymore for a relationship. but its clear that he doesn't want to be committed to you, because of something you may have done or not done. anyway too much complicated bs for me, making my head spin. people really have to make themselves clear with each other instead of beating around the bush like little immature children. maybe I'm just old fashioned like that. anyway good luck with your mess

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What Guys Said 3

  • If he doesn't want to make you happy then why should you abide by his wishes to make him happy?

    Dont be what is sadly a typical woman and stick to an underisreable situation just because it appears easier. Basically what he's trying to say is that he wants to see other people while still being able to see you.

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  • It seems that he's just using you for hookups and nothing more.

    He really is into that other girl that's why he even make up lies just to keep her from your views.

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  • He doesn't want a relationship, simple as that. You may or may not have done something wrong. You can still do things with him, but don't bother trying to make him commit. If what you want is a relationship, then you may as well forget about him.

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What Girls Said 2

  • That's terrible. I'm so sorry he took advantage of you like that and emotionally cheated on you with another girl. :( I think you're better off without him.

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    • You deserve someone who would appreciate all the sex and cute gestures. I have learned from experience that if a guy is pulling away, "overfunctioning" (overcompensating for his lack of attention to you, and trying to make him feel special to regain that attention and balance) never works. If a guy is pulling away, it means he is unhappy with you, unless he has some other issue going on. In that case, most mature adults would talk about it.

      Ugh, and I can't believe he lied to you. Yuck.

  • He is embarrassed and feel like he doesn't deserve you. But the truth is he rather hook up then to feel tie down to one girl (no matter how nice or awesome you are). He is being honest that he doesn't want a relationship or commitment. He has too many options at his age.

    I would mom on to someone that wasn't throwing one rock to hit two birds.

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