Best way to Handle Break up and Dating

I acted insecure and needy to my boyfriend of 3 months so he started acting distant. I text him I am sorry if I might have pressured him and I was going to give him breathing room. I meant this nice not mean not a break up I heard nothing from him which was strange so that night I looked at the dating site we met on and he was on there. I text him did you break up with me and not tell me and he said no you broke up with me with your breathing room comment. So I called and explained I didn't mean it that way he said it was a misunderstanding and he would go off there but he was also mad I looked on there. So after I thought about it a while I asked him if he wanted to be broke up and he said no but he wanted to slow things down because part of him wasn't sure how he felt about me anymore. I want him to be happy so I said it is okay we can break up I think your a great guy and you will meet someone you have no doubts about and I will meet someone who accepts all of me and wished him luck. I was very nice and calm and I haven't talked to him since or tried to contact him. It has only been 2 days happened Friday night. So I do want him to be happy but I am also willing to work on my flaws so I can be the girl that makes him happy. I am giving him space but I am wondering he is on the dating site should I go back on there or would that make him dislike me more? Or would be probably not care. I am not sure what to do but if in a guys opinion it would make it difficult for him I don't want to do it. If he doesn't care or it makes my situation with him better I would like to do it. I don't know what I should be doing help anyone?

Updates:
he is texting and calling now but I haven't responded because I don't want to talk to him right now maybe my feelings will change but I am very disapponted in his behavior. We were in a exclusive committed relationship that was very clear. I don't want him to think he can treat me poorly because there are lots of guys asking me out and I don't have to subject myself to that. He did tell me in the past he is very stubborn. I already have feelings for him but I can move on.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're a great catch. Keep that in mind. Most of us are actually looking for a woman that we can trust and be paid attention from. In the modern world of mini dates and micro-commitments, meeting someone who's actually into being around the person they're dating is nice.

    Having said that, in this contemporary environment, you gotta be able to let go. That's the new version of holding on loosely. Blocking people is the new version of breaking up. Just imagine all the place-markers in relationships have been moved further away. Change your status to "single." He's now a friend with benefits. If he posts nasty things about you online, then he's blocked, and you've broken up.

    When you're sick of players and find someone you are pretty sure is going to be monogamous with you, and you've cleared it with them first, then change your status to "in a relationship." Unless you're going to be poly-amorous in which case go with "it's complicated."

    The Internet was envisioned as a place that brings us closer through sharing of ideas - but in actuality, it's added a vast chasm between most people. An entirely new aspect to social interaction. We can look in cyberspace for the perfect person, so it allows us to ignore those who are in the same room.

    So keep your chin up and let it stay ambiguous until he gets back with you. Then don't change your status until you leave him hanging for a while, wondering why you're still listed as single.

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    • Hes texting and calling I haven;t responded do I continue to ignore him so he knows it is not okay to treat me like that or should I talk soon. Don't know dissappointed in his behavior but I rarely find someone I can develop feelings for.

    • See how it pans out. He may be able to prove he's just got issues with commitment right now - sometimes that's good, it means we're mulling it over and making an organic, intuitive change in perspective.

      On the other hand, he may have rigid barriers up to keep women out and you are slapping up against them.

      Let him come out from behind his walls before you give him another chance.

    • He called last night and asked me to go out tonight so I accepted. He is out of a marriage of 17 years only 9 months so I am sure there could be uses about another relationship so soon. Going to go and see how it goes I am in no hurry he is the one that pushed the relationship along. I have been single quite a while waiting for the right person so I can continue to wait. Thanks for your help

What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like he lost interest over a trivial misunderstanding. I'm not sure that he is that into you or he may just be very stubborn and he wants to hold resentment. You can't make him happy though. That's within his control alone. You sound very sweet and like a pleaser.

    What you do is up to you. You can go back to him and find out if he still likes you or you can move on. I don't think he handled the situation very maturely and its possible he thinks he can treat you poorly in the future because you still desire a person doing those types of things to you.

    I would try and have a mature conversation but you said when you tried to explain things he said he didn't know how he feels about you. Find out if he was just being a baby in that moment or if that's how he feels.

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    • Hes texting and calling I haven;t responded do I continue to ignore him so he knows it is not okay to treat me like that or should I talk soon. Don't know dissappointed in his behavior but I rarely find someone I can develop feelings for.

    • Personally I wouldn't try and control a person with punishment. I would let him know how I feel or not talk to him. I think these things got to be up to how you can deal with it though.

      He is probably texting you now because his anger has lessened. It sounds like he probably likes you.

What Girls Said 1

  • From the sounds of it, I think you probably did drive him off by being too needy too early on. In my opinion, you shouldn't have texted him saying sorry or anything when he started going distant. Instead, you should have just stopped contacting him without saying a word. (Its done now, but future reference, never text/call the guy first. Always let him contact you. If he starts acting distant, don't call him out on it. Just do what I said: give him space and wait for him to come back.)

    I think this relationship is done and over. Do not contact him again. He used your "breathing room" comment as a way to break up with you. Some men tend to do this: they don't want end things and be the bad guy, so they grow distant and when the woman freaks out, they either let her break up with them or they break up with them but use her own actions as a way to blame her for the break up.

    Move on and find another guy, but this time, learn from your mistakes. Also, I know its harder in real life, but what if you found someone not on the dating site? Maybe ask friends if they know any single men that are looking for relationships? I think relationships that are founded in person are better than those online.

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    • hes calling and texting so don't think it is oover unless I want it to be but I do want a guy that is really into me which he said he was but these actions say otherwise

    • Yup and actions speak louder than words. He will stop contacting you, just give it time and don't contact him back (even if it is to say its over officially).

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