How easily do guys cheat when they're drunk, and should it be forgiven?

I drink at social occasions but usually never enough to actually get drunk, so I'm not too familiar with how hazed you get whilst drunk, so that's one basis for my question.

Anyhow, I was on a camping trip the other night with some buddies of mine and this guy I had met as part of the camping group was light-medium weight wasted and I was just kind of tipsy. Long story short, we're all in survival mode cuddling for warmth about 5 hours after the last drink and said guy was coming on to me pretty strong (we were hard core cuddling) and ended up kissing me. And I was like, "cool that's fine" until right after and he says "crap I'm a terrible person I love my girlfriend". At which point I'm startled because I didn't even know about her till then. Anyways, I pulled away so that my face was no longer an option for him to kiss. He tried doing it again after that, so I just left to sit by the fire because I wasn't about to be ruining anybody's lives.

Anyways, I know he was looser than usual probably, but I'm not even sure he was that drunk because my alcohol had worn off a while ago and this guy drinks farily often. He wasn't acting too drunk. So I guess I have two questions here: 1. Was he really that drunk so this should be forgiven and we can stay friends? and 2. Even if he was drunk, what does it say that he kissed me like that? Is cheating cheating, or does being drunk play a huge part in it?

Okay, if you read all that, thanks so much. Any advice is extremely appreciated.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This was borderline. He knew he was off course and tried to correct and then made another move for you. You deserve props for leaving because you, he and his girlfriend would all have felt terrible had it gone further. Alcohol was probably a factor here, but it's never an excuse for cheating. I'd be inclined to forgive him, but be sure that he's aware of your boundaries going forward.


What Guys Said 12

  • Minor kudos to him for stopping it, though shame on him for starting it and almost not stopping it, though I guess you were really more the stopper. And I'm not convinced cheating is any more likely when drunk. As long as you're firm with him and not flirty hopefully he'll remember your stance/objection. Yes, kissing is cheating.

    • And no, cheating should not be forgiven, no matter the type. Once a cheater...

    • If someone cheats whilst mildy drunk, does that mean that they'd never do it sober? I'm kind of confused like "what was going on in his head?".

    • He probably thinks you're cute and yeah he'd do it sober if the opportunity presented itself. Being drunk doesn't change things, it just amplifies them.

  • To answer your questions :

    1.Shouldn't his girlfriend be the one deciding whether to forgive him or not ? I'm not sure what you are forgiving him for ?

    2.Cheating is cheating . Period . In many cases , people just use alcohol /drugs as an excuse to cover up their true intentions . I know tons of honest people who have been drunk as hell , but they do not cheat . ( I'm one of them ) . I certainly wouldn't forgive my girlfriend ( if I had one ) if she ever were to make out with a guy , even if she's completely drunk .

    Btw , this has nothing to do with the topic , but you have gorgeous eyes !

    • By forgive I meant stay quiet about it and not let anybody else know so that he wouldn't be suffering the consequences of his slighty drunken actions. I, in part, also feel guilty because being so cuddled up to him probably didn't help even though I wasn't aware of his relationship.

      And thank you! That's a compliment I usually don't get so it means a lot.

    • Show All
    • Nah, I don't know her at all. That's why I kind of feel like a really random outsider in this situation.

    • Well it would have been a lot harder had you know that girl . Now the decision is more or less made for you , I'd say just complete stay out of it !

  • Alcohol makes people looser, but his pattern of behavior suggests he was clear and deliberate about what he was doing.

    In particular his decision to let you know he has a girlfriend was to set up boundaries for his relationship with you. If you let him proceed it would give him a moral foot to stand on (however hypocritical) and make you an accomplice at the same time as being used for sex. It is a common manipulative tactic for cheating men already involved with someone else - with a slight variation being the same admission being made a bit later when you're more euphoric from sexual stimulation. Ironically it is his drunkenness that caused his timing to be "off", sparing you being a part of his "stable".

    • What do you mean by "stable"? Thanks for that answer though, I like how you explained it. Hopefully that's not what he was trying to pull, though.

    • I agree. I was very surprised others were giving this guy so much lee way(5hours after his last drink?). Thank goodness you disapprove with this guys very clear behavior, he even made advances a second time!

    • As in, a stable of horses. If something works for one girl chances are it will work for another. Dating is a numbers game, and the numbers are, males in the top 10-20% category will get 80-90% of females because if you like him, so does she. You can imagine what this does to a young guy's mind.

  • That guy is a jerk. He just wanted to kiss you and felt guilty. cheating is cheating. What are you going to do?

    • Well, I was thinking that I should just stay out of it because we aren't the closest of friends and I'm not trying to ruin his life or break that girl's heart. I don't want to hurt anybody. I've been real non-drunk cheated on and I never want anybody to feel the way I felt when that happened.

  • theres no excuse in my mind for cheating, especially from drinking. might be bringing home some brand new stds just for you

  • Just because you are drunk, doesn't excuse what you do when you are drunk. Nobody is forcing you to drink and when you do make that CHOICE to drink, you inherently accept all the consequences of your actions if and when you get drunk. Cheating is unacceptable, drunk or sober.

  • No! Guys drunk is no excuse. Being drunk is no excuse at all. You have every right to not forgive him.

    I even punched my childhood friend that I had met recently at a party because he was acting belligerently drunk at a party. He was being physically offensive so I wacked him in the face and no regrets.

    Being drunk reflects another hidden side of a person. It's like an elixir of truth.

  • No forgiveness, no. We cheat when drunk if we were open to cheating to begin with.

  • There isn't really an answer to this question. "Guys" don't cheat, that is a decision an individual makes.

  • i would give him some leeway cause alchohol does make you feel very uninhibited, and you're a pretty girl so...

    but if he is still flirty when you're both sober its another story

  • Alcohol could have different effect on different people but I guess he himself pushed back right? so it should not be considered as cheating in my opinion.


What Girls Said 1

  • i don't believe a person is totally aware of what is happening around them even if they are drunk. cheating is cheating...i will not forgive