21 never had a boyfriend, depressed big time

Hi...I am a 20, going on 21, years old girl. And a virgin. Never been intimate with a guy, never had a boyfriend.

I have BIG self esteem issues. I cover them up every day with nice clothes, makeup and a smile. Still hate myself every time I look into a mirror. And I ask myself..why would any guy want to date a girl with glasses and crooked teeth? When there is so many gorgeous girls out there?

And then something happened. I met a guy online, then we met in person. My god, I liked him A LOT. And guess what? He seemed to like me back! He invited me on a second and then on a third date. I felt like desired and cared for. I felt good for the first time in so many years of self hatred. And then he stopped talking to me. I don´t know why, but he just went dead silent. I am a proud person, so I wrote him only once, he wrote me a very short message and then went silent again. Now I hate myself even more than I ever did before. He broke my heart and we didn´t even date. How pathetic is that?

I am starting to prepare myself for life without love. When my parents die, I am going to be completaly alone. Yes, I will have my friends, but they will have their own families, their own lives. It will not be the same. Maybe you think I am crazy...but I am not going to look any better..these are my best years. And if I am not interesting to men now, 10 years later it is not going to get better. I do not think that my personality is the problem. I have a bunch of friends, I get along very easily with people. I am an extrovert, I love going out, having fun, meeting new people. I was told that I am funny and caring. So it must be the looks...Pic on my profile..at least I hope I will be able to upload it...getting some xpert level sh_t on this site all the time...

But in this world so concentrated on perfection, crooked teeth (not to be seen in the picture) and glasses might be a problem. Do not tell me to get braces, for various reasons I cant. If I could I would have got them a long time ago. I am stuck with the way I look, I have done everything to make myself as pretty as possible.

I am depressed. I think I am going to buy a cat...

Updates:
the pic! I forgot I posted this anonymously...s24.postimg.org/x483ckwh1/DSC_2541.jpg

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are gorgeous. Everyone has self-doubt, nerves, and are self-conscious. You might not be able to see it-- but, again... you are stunning. I'm serious. A lot of girls want what you have; absolutely beautiful eyes (both shape and color), great eygreat lips, great nose, great cheekbones.

    I understand where you're coming from, though... I am the same way. It is difficult to think any different. It might never go away, you might feel the same forever, but remember to smile. None of us will ever reach perfection. Go through life with your head up. There is always someone who finds you attractive, even if they are too nervous/don't get a chance to mention it.

    By the way, I like crooked teeth. They add character. Check out Bunny/Grav3yardgirl on Youtube: link She has large, crooked teeth... and was teased about them, but grew to like them and chose not to have them straightened. I can't remember what video she was talking about it (maybe her Imperfections one?), but she said, as a kid, she liked her "wonky teeth" because some of her favorite characters and people had them.

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    • Thank you! I will check that girl out. It could be nice to see someone similar for once.

What Guys Said 15

  • You have a very pretty face. I do not know what your teeth look like, so I do not know if they are so bad as to detract from your appearance. I am wondering why you cannot get any kind of braces. If you are comfortable doing so, please share the reason. But it is not important. If you cannot, you cannot. As for not being able to wear contacts, many, many people who could wear them still wear glasses, because there are so many nice frames out there. Glasses do not need to detract from your appearance..

    Really, the bottom line is you are really pretty, some would say gorgeous. Your looks will not chase guys away. Look to your personality and how you interact with people. And look around at how many women with much less physical appeal than you are in relationships with great guys. There are guys out there for you.

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    • I get A LOT of cavities..my hygiene is perfect, I was told so by many different dentists, that is not the problem.They tried to put braces on me, but they had to take them off, because my teeth started decay. There are different types of braces, but I only have money for the regular ones, I am saving up for school abroad and I live alone, buy my own stuff, etc. To be honest, I dislike my front teeth (two of them are crooked), but I prefer crooked teeth over none.

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    • In my opinion they are not so bad to look at. I would be fine with them. I was never actually laughed at because of them. One boy told me I looked like a bunny when I was 8 :D. I blame them for my zero dating life, because I do not see any other reason. I wish a had the guts to ask some men what they honestly think. But I am too scared to fully smile for anyone. The only time I let loose is when I laugh really hard, and that is quite often, so I guess that is the moment I scare men off...

    • Lots of people have crooked teeth. If only two of your front teeth are crooked, and not really badly crooked, then I suspect that is not scaring guys off. You need to find someone you can open up with and trust to give you some help. There are so many possibilities. For instance I know some people with laughs that sound like horses - that could run anyone off. But the individuals would probably never think of that. You need someone who knows you to help you with this.

  • First things first, buy a cat! Cause cats are cute and if you're depressed having a pet helps out a lot. I read that somewhere.But they're mainly cute :)

    Otherwise you look good. You've got nice facial features without makeup, that's pretty cool.Based on the pic alone you look good so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. You might actually be doing things to push men away without noticing.

    What anonymous guy said about confidence and a positive attitude not mattering, that's bullsh*t. I've experienced the opposite and seen it so many times.

    But it's true that fake confidence and thoughts that try and cover up your real beliefs won't work, you'll just come across as insincere. But that's the difficulties of fake it till you make it.

    I'd tell you to try and fix your self esteem issues before you date, but it's tricky cause your self esteem is tied up into dating. So like if you've never had a guy you somehow make it out like you're ugly or undeserving etc... But at the same time, if you date while you have these self esteem issues you will most likely put yourself in situations where guys can take advantage of you or be abusive to you. That's gonna reinforce those issues. But then again meeting a guy who loves you and cares for you would probably fix those issues.

    My advice would be to do both, so try and get a positive experience and try shifting your self esteem away from your looks and attractiveness. Think of one thing that makes you cool that you do or that you've done and try to shift your self esteem onto that. So when your mind goes "blah I'm unattractive blah" (which you're not), instead of contradicting it you can just be like yeah but I've got this other thing that makes me cool and worthwhile, so whatever.

    And at the same time, try online dating again. Like some dude said, with that pic you'll get a ton of emails, so just give it another shot. Take your time and vet the guys properly before going on dates and maybe this time you won't be with a third date ninja.

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    • Thanks, good advice. Actually, I am more of a dog person :D.

    • Dogs are awesome :) You should get a husky!

  • I don't think it's pathetic that you feel this way after the guy you met online. If you've been on your own and have the self-esteem issues that you do, then you naturally feel excited when someone pays attention. When that person leaves, then you will feel as bad, if not worse than you did before.

    If you have a lot of friends, you won't be completely alone (though at this point, you probably don't want to start thinking ahead to life after your parents).

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    • Friends are great, but they cannot compare to that one person that should be by your side all your life. I don?t want to die alone...I want to have kids...I want to leave someone, something behind. I want to build a home with someone.

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    • Well, I can assure you that I am completely sober right now (not much of a drinker anyway).

    • Pity, you live in a different country! Maybe in this country, there is something wrong with me! :D

  • I've never had one either, yet it brings me great comfort. It's funny how we're all so different.

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  • Your face looks fine. Pretty hot actually. If you have a similarly hot body, you'll have NO problems getting a guy. If not, just work out and eat right until you do have a smoking hot body and you'll have no shortage of male attention!

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    • Thanks, I have a reeaally fast metabolism, that way no matter what I eat, I stay skinny as hell. I eat like a bulldog (in a healthy way) and I exercise and I still have this anorectic figure. Pisses me off!

    • Well, I can't see your figure, but if you're eating healthy, it's probably fine. Just get out and mingle more and you'll have no shortage of guys.

  • Why do these questions even exists? Especially when a women asks? We both know women have it easier then men in the dating scene. You can always get your teeth straighten and get contacts or laser eye surgery? BTW I wear glasses and I've been single my whole life and I'm 27 so don't feel bad.

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    • how do I get my teeth straightened if I cannot wear braces? And I am alergic to contacts, any type I have tried, makes my eyes water and hurt like crazy...I cannot get laser eye surgery because my cornea is too thin and the other possibility for my eyes is way over my budget...believe me I did my research, I went to a specialist to consult both my teeth and my eyes...there isn?t hope for a change, at least not any time soon

    • My guess is they probably pull them out and give you dentures? I wear glasses been wearing them since I was 12. I don't like contacts either.

    • Pull them out? Omg, never! Ill rather have crooked teeth than dentures! :D

  • Honestly, I would nail you. Perhaps you need to put yourself out there more. Be flirty, touchy, frequently glance at guys you like (theyll notice) and make sure you intentionally get caught every now and then. Laughing at their dumb jokes is good too but don't overdo it. Make sure it's a joke for one, and then just do a short giggle. They should get the message eventually. At the very least you can get yourself laid, although I realize that's usually not the goal of a virgin.

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  • Your think to much into it and you still young. I'm 28 next week and I'm still a virgin but I'm not to bathed about it. I believe it will happen one day. Just do what you can to help you chance's. Put yourself out there. Use dating sites and get out of the house as much as possible. Go see bands or just go out some where with your friends. It will happen there some one out there for every body. The only ones that don't find someone are the ones that don't put them self out there.

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    • Thanks :), nice to know there is someone in the same situation.

  • You look fine! Write him again! Maybe he just didn't think you cared enough. Maybe he found someone else, but maybe not.

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  • You're 20.. still really young. Don't be depressed. Really, don't. Just don't dwell on it..

    I would look at your picture, but you posted your question anonymously.

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    • stupid me..here it goes..s24.postimg.org/x483ckwh1/DSC_2541.jpg

  • I have no sympathy for you! It's like asking someone to feel sorry for a millionaire because he's penniless... ;)

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  • Wow, you're outta your mind, mam. Save me as a friend (I'm private these peeps can't see it). I'll give you advice

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  • Ok I just saw your pic you are not ugly, I love you're eyes.

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  • you are definetley not ugly I swear, and if it makes you feel better, I'm a little bit older than you and still have not been in a relationship with a girl

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  • just remember , confidence doesn't matter . I'm on the same bandwagon , I work out and women still call me ugly . And anyone who tells you the right guy will come tell them to shut up because everyone dates and I have to wait ?

    I can't tell you much other than since you are a woman , you have many advantages over us . I don't know if you actually want to date or if you are one of those women who feel entitled only to model looking men , but since you are a woman , you have the advantage on a dating sites , women are in demand and if you post this pic , you will get many emails .

    And again , confidence and positive thoughts don't attract . They're just an excuse to make ugly people like me think that women will give me a chance

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    • I have never actually been called ugly, men just don?t pay attention to me. And if they do, I am the friend. I am not looking for a model, I would have NOTHING in common with a guy like that. Unfortunately, even the normal looking guys, even the ugly guys are dreaming about Megan Fox..I look for great personality and similar interests...but mainly, I look for someone that would love me!...with all my flaws...without makeup and nice clothes..just the way I am!

    • megan fox is overated . but that might be just me because breasts don't interest me much+ I hated her since transformers 2 . It might suck but you do need the make up and the nice clothes just like I need the nice clothes and the 4 hours of gym a week . I really do know how you feel and it sucks being lonely and I don't even have a female friend either which sucks even more :/ but online dating can really help you at least meet guys and with the pic you posted you will get a ton of emails

    • I did online dating. It helped, but guys (and honestly me too) always want it to go further. I let it go further once and how it ended up is up there.

What Girls Said 4

  • I think you are jumping the gun a whole lot, here. You're already planning a life of loveless solitude and you are only 21. I think you may want to reign it in just a LITTLE... don't you think? And here's something else you may want to meditate upon and integrate into your consciousness: not everyone will think you are pretty. Also, not everyone will think you are ugly. Not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone is going to dislike you. In fact, there are going to be a bunch of people who may have met you and yet never think of you at all, good OR bad. That's just the way it shakes out. It's okay. And love isn't like in the movies, either. Some people find it sooner than others. Some find it a whole bunch of times with a bunch of different people. Some find it late in life. And yes, some never find it at all, but it's too soon in the game for you to be able to call it- you see that, don't you? As people get older, priorities change. Yours will, too. SO I don't care if you look like Tyrone the crackhead link , at some point someone will be interested in you, for who you are. You're 21. Quit trying to bury your parents already (they aren't dead yet, right), buy yourself a cat if you want one, and maybe think about counseling or therapy. You may be clinically depressed, in which case your BRAIN CHEMISTRY is off. If that sh*t's all f***ed up, you CAN'T feel happy. Maybe look into that. In the meantime, belay all this cat lady crap. You are 21. In 20 years you will look back and be really, really pissed off that you used up the best years of your life crying about stuff that has not happened yet. And they really are the best years, girl- even when they suck, they are still pretty damn good. Gather ye rosebuds and sh*t.

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    • +1 for that last sentence.

    • And Anonymous up there? The one with the movie review? He's probably the last person who should be giving advice to ayone. About anything. EVER. Just saying. (By the way, I hope blocking me made you feel better, dude. I really do. I think you need whatever victory you can claim.)

  • Hello! I think before you try to get into a relationship, you have to learn to trust yourself and love who your are with confidence (not trying to sound cocky) no matter what and stay strong! Having confidence, and being able to be independent is the key first and foremost. If you don't think your attractive then who is, in other words it starts within you. With you not ever having a boyfriend start going out more, and meeting new people to put yourself in a setting of seeing more guys that may draw your attention. Not saying just go out looking for love no, but when you go with your regular friends, just interact with other people! Communication is where it all begins and if you don't put yourself to be able to meet new people then you will never know nor who's to say that you mite actually find someone you like?. On the flip side enjoy life and be happy. Remember "life is what you make it"

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  • I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend either. I too have glasses, though I only wear them when I'm doing lots of computer work or study. I had crooked teeth, but I had braces on mine. Lots of my uni friends have boyfriends (and even fiancées), so I totally understand where you're coming from. I feel like the odd one out too, and often wonder why I haven't met anyone nice yet. I always like to tell other people good things come to those who wait, and it usually turns out right, but listening to this myself is always a bit harder. But hopefully I can listen to myself, and know that good things will always come to those who wait :)

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  • Get a cat :D ha ha they're adorable

    But back to the topic ha ha you're hot! Just get out there, do new things, join clubs, societies, groups, etc

    Put yourself out there and guys WILL hit on you (:

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