Just can't seem to overcome low confidence?

Okay well this is something I keep hearing from different people. I am the type of person that seems outgoing, because I will say hi to random people. I go to the gym and try and talk to people and whatever. The thing is for me I am not a person of many words, when I am joking around it is different due to that being something I can do good. I feel like I am a big joke, then on the other hand if you don't know me you might think I am serious. That is due to me not really just walking around with a smile all the time. I might smile if you look at me and I say hi, but other then that when I think nobodies watching I have a serious face on. I have been told that when I am not joking around or smiling I look like I am going to fight somebody (in my head as small as I am there aren't much people I am going to go around picking fights with, especially everybody and their grandma has a weapon. Hell nah I will pass thank you.). One thing is I don't how I got this inferiority complex it almost feels like everybody is better at me, even though I see that they are not perfect or I might be almost as good at whatever the activity is. A lot of times I am told I don't try hard enough, I guess it comes from fear of either success (and people knowing what I can do and expecting me to replicate that constantly) or failure (when I might have a series of bad days.

This also comes over to my love life I have gone on dates, but due to my extreme low success rate (0 girlfriends out of about 20 dates about 6 or 7 different girls). I never know how to approach or how to actually move from stranger to possible boyfriend material. Even if she might like me I tend to self-sabotage myself (a lot of times through yep you got it right, low confidence + low experience). I have heard that I am cute, handsome. I do have goals, and I am educated (still can't find a good job). It just feels like what do I have to offer and how can I actually step up to a girl I really don't know and make something romantic happen. Well that is it for my rant.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • you honestly sound kind of like me, which makes me kind of sympathize with you on this subject. each girl is different so it is hard to figure out what each one likes and how to make yourself seem boyfriend material. but I am also the type of person that is too scared to say something like that in person, I'm the scardy cat that hides behind text messages, friends, or Facebook messages. I won't even call someone on the phone to ask them something like that but that's just me.

    Fear is something that holds everyone back from doing something. Like fear holds me back from telling a crush that I like them, or asking someone out. the lack of expierence and lack of confidence go hand-in-hand no matter what it is. you have to find something that you like about yourself, something that you wouldn't change no matter what, and start there. you have to being that confidence level up, even a little bit, to get you started. and surrounding yourself by positive people will always help.

    one thing that is always hard to do, is leaving your comfort zone. leaving your comfort zone is something that you kind of have to do to become more confident and have more experience.

    i personally think that you should find one girl you like, can be any girl. I think you should leave your comfort zone just a little bit and try to impress her. stay focused on her, meaning find one girl that you are willing to leave your comfort zone, just slightly, and try to become boyfriend material in her eyes. and yes I know that this is not easy.

    some more advice, based on experience, is that I suggest you go to some of your close female friends and ask them what they look for in a boyfriend. I have asked many of my guy friends what they look for in a girlfriend to better myself.

    i know you kind of just ranted but I hope some of this helps. this is just based off of my own previous experiences. add me if you want anymore help.

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What Girls Said 1

  • There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Truest statement ever said. Embrace your flaws and keep telling yourself you are confident even if you don't intially believe it. In the mean time fake it til you make it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You are thinking about it too much...

    Here is a word for the wise; Don't spend your time worrying because it doesn't benefit or change any situation. All your doing is rethinking a negative thought. It's like banging your head against a wall. Don't think just do.

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  • You're thinking too much.

    Be yourself and talk to girls you like.

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