Snooping text messages...when is it ok? and how do you confront your spouse when something bad is found?

Snooping text messages.. when is it ok? And how do you confront your spouse when you find something that disrespects your relationship?... Inappropriate conversations to their ex and another girl who has a boyfriend specifically.

Updates:
and would it be considered cheating if what I found said "send me a pic of your t*ts" and "id f*** you"

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What Guys Said 1

  • My opinion would be never, though I have a view on relationships that may be seen as idealistic. I believe the most important thing for success in any relationship--friendship, romance, marriage, etc.--is trust. Granted, if you've already found these conversations, you have reason not to trust him; however, it depends on *why* you initially wanted to snoop.

    I know personally that any woman who went around my back to snoop on me in that way would be out the door in a flash, luggage on the doorstep. Also, if you share a phone bill, I believe it usually has lists of numbers contacted. That would be... less blatantly spying. Not to mention you would only see numbers, at which point it may be more... reasonable? ... to ask your husband about them. After all, if the bill is shared, you would have every reason to look at it.

    Hope this helps!

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    • well, he was acting fishy hence why I got the urge to snoop. and also, he recently told me he isn't over his ex, but still loves me and wants to be with me. he has also said that he would do anything for me and us. but a month ago I caught him in a lie about him talking to his ex so therefore breaking my trust for him, and he knows that. I love him deeply but he never clearly tells me how he feels when I ask him if something is wrong, which is another reason why I snooped. I wish I hadn't done it

    • if you felt it in your gut,u have the right to know,when someone is hiding dirt,they will be found out eventually

    • how should I confront him though? I feel he would ignore the fact of the disrespect he portrayed and make me feel like I'm in the wrong.

What Girls Said 1

  • If you're in a monogamous relationship you shouldn't be having those conversations.

    If its a non-monogamous relationship it shouldn't be a problem, considering the terms of the relationship.

    IMO if you sign up for monogamy you should expect to loose SOME aspects of your relationship. In a monogamous relationship, you SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SNOOP. Your partner should be willing to let you read their texts, email, est.

    IF your partner feels that something is up, you should want them to feel comfortable in the relationship and not defensive.

    Sorry to hear this happened to you. You should ask your spouse if they believe in monogamy. Maybe they don't/never did. They could be a non-monogamous person living a lie.

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