How to avoid being consumed by repetitive abandonment?

My dating/relationship life in the last 4 years has been a disaster. Everybody I date seems to have major issues. Depression, suicidal, manipulative, emotionally abusive, insecurity about their careers, are just a few I have dealt with. And I am always on the receiving end of a break-up.

After realizing the pattern, I consciously went with the "sweet guy" this time, who was all over me, crazy about me and treated me like I've never been treated before. Everything was perfect for 6 weeks and I was just starting to let my guard down emotionally when he dumped me completely out of the blue. I have never been blindsided like this before. He had some ED problems I know were bothering him but I don't know why he ended it. I thought I had finally found someone who respects me and then this happens as soon as I start to realize that this guy really likes me (I thought he did, anyway). And then he goes from "I am really happy with you and so lucky" with a huge bouquet of flowers to "I don't feel like myself, maybe my body is telling me that we're not meant to be" in all of 3 days.

I am 28 years old, have a stable career and never had any problems meeting guys. I'm just starting to ask myself if I am really that unlovable. I really feel like this was the final push over the edge. How am I supposed to trust anyone ever again? I was so sure that this guy was different. I don't want to become bitter, but how do I stop this from consuming me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh wow girl, I have the same issue. I mean nobody bought me flowers but... lol...

    I have had all sorts of issues being dumped by the wrong people, which made sense like a woman holding out for a married guy until he came back to her. Another that couldn't stop talking about her dog but hates people. Another hated talking about sex If anything referenced to it she would through plates at the wall but had a community sex drawer full of toys. Another was a struggling addict/ cheater. all broke up with ME?!... huh? OK but the one that threw me was the one that was thought to be my soul mate. We were awesome together. never disagreed on anything the compatibility was strong, we never asked each other the word WHAT ! do you know how hard it is to meet someone that we totally get and always on the same page? Our family's loved each other too. making plans for the future and the sex was phenomenal (as always but this one ~WOW) ! then one day asked for no contact ... I don't know what happened ...

    Anyway I too get dumped all the time. But here's what I come to realize. God is preparing me for that ONE special woman that is waiting to be loved by this heart and these people who break are hearts and move on so quickly are not meant for us. simple as that. To Love is to love yourself and this is why these people didn't truly love us enough to stick around. They didn't love themselves.

    Hell I love myself everyday so I know it's not me,lol jk... No seriously I do love myself. and you?

    YOU KEEP loving yourself don't get down about this you're life is already planned out just go along the crazy ride and keep your God close to you... Congratulations on your future I am happy for you in advance :),

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What Guys Said 1

  • He's just one guy. Don't blame one guy's fault into the whole male population.

    There are still billion guys who are better than him.

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    • That's my whole point... It's not just one guy. It's been every guy for me. Just thought this one was different, that's probably why it's hitting me so hard. I didn't say all men were a**holes, I'm just trying to find a way not to lose faith for myself

What Girls Said 1

  • You can start by loving yourself and stop blaming yourself for these men with problems who could not be man enough to say I'm having some issues and need help. Instead they dumped you and probably made it out to be your fault when in actuality it was never about you. It sounds like these guys were not honest with themselves and you about their various problems and they probably had them long before they even met you. If want to have a real relationship with someone who loves you and doesn't have a lot of deal breaker qualities like guys from your past, your going to have to take your time getting to know the guy and look for warning signs. If they should come up sooner than later don't be afraid to ask hard questions that need answers it's better to know what you're dealing with sooner than later so you can protect yourself from people who are toxic.

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