Will he change his mind?

I met this guy on a dating website, and slept with him on the second date. Unfortunately he wasn't looking for a relationship and wasn't interested in seeing me again so I haven't contacted him since. I then met his best mate through the same site and we arranged to meet. Before the date, he found out what had happened but gave me a chance to get to know me himself. We went on two dates and I believe we really hit it off, we did discuss what had happened on the 2nd date. He said he didn't think it was a big deal but that it was weird, but he wasn't sure if it was too weird but in time it shouldn't be an issue.

We talked about meeting again, but when I asked him about a meal I didn't hear from him for hours later, he text me saying "I don't know if I can hun your a lovely girl and I would have but you've been with my mate, weird don't you think?" I replied and explained it was a mistake and it was unfortunate I met him first, and that it was a couple of dates, not a relationship and if we like each other why not go on another date and see how it goes, we've got nothing to lose, but he hasn't replied. Will he change his mind or do you think it could be an excuse?

What should I do? Should I give him a couple of days and text him and ask if he's had any more thoughts about us, and say that he he gave me a chance and despite him knowing we had really good times together, I can't promise him it will be easy but but I think in time it would get easier and I want him to know that if he has doubts I am a faithful girl. I'd really like to see him again and if he wants to meet at the weekend let me know?

Is it worth trying? He's in the forces and if he thinks I jump into bed with everyone that quick he might feel I can't be trusted, but I am 100% faithful. Is there anything better I could say to him? Please help me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you said it very well here. If he can't get over it about his mate having been with you, it is better you don't see him again. Certainly sounds like you like him and if that is the case it would not hurt to carefully craft a letter with the salient points you put down here (that you are a faithful woman and you do not have feelings for his mate any longer after the way he treated you). If that does not work, move on. If it does work and he wants to see you again, proceed. :) Remember to be thoughtful as you work through it with him if he wants to see you again. Both of you will need to understand this relationship has nothing to do with his mate, okay?

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    • Any suggestions? I don't think I need to put about being faithful as surely I wouldn't be trying to get another chance to date him, and I don't want to come across as needy. I understand its a big deal to him, but I really like him and thought I'd found something special. Do you think if he's genuine he'd come round?

    • what a coincidence that he is friends with the guy you slept with,doesn't that strike you as odd..more like premeditated,guys do talk,cut this off he ain't worth it

    • I don't know whether it is odd though, I sent the first one a message on a dating site and the second. Surely they wouldn't sit on there together going through the girls they've had and it doesn't make sense that guy 2 didn't sleep with me when it could have been on the cards if we got together?

What Guys Said 5

  • It's not just you jumping into bed.

    He'd feel weird being seen in public kissing you on the lips that sucked his friend's **** basically - much less marrying you. It's nothing to do with you but rather the level of maturity of this guy's mate and the kind of pressure his behavior (in conjunction with having slept with you) can put on his own relationship with you if it gets serious. He'd rather your exes to be anonymous if not non-existent.

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    • He wanted to sleep with me though after this on our second date so what is his problem now? Is it the fact that I slept with his mate and not him? Or this just an excuse because maybe all he was after was sex? I didn't sleep with him because I thought we were going somewhere and wanted it to be special. I am not interested in his mate, I am interested in him. We could develop and build new memories together, everyone has a past. Should I just tell him this?

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    • Ive replied and asked what he means as I can tell he likes me by the way he looks at me and we get on well. He said he finds me funny, cute and likes my personality. I've told him why I didn't sleep with him and said I was scared but I wanted to and that I didn't want him to feel inadequate and their was no competition I like everything about him and his mate means nothing. Will he change his mind, what should I do.

    • I suspect at this point part of the reason he wants to sleep with you to cross the "t" so his mate would stop teasing him as to whether you'd giving up to him yet.

      However on the flip side it affects his self esteem and regard in which you hold him relative to his friend - you can say "he meant nothing to me" all you want but actions speak louder then words. To most guys (until they're like in their late 40s) the thinking "I really liked her so I avoided sex with her" is completely alien.

  • Sloppy seconds LMAO

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  • Wants that P / that's it really

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  • I wouldn't contact him at this point. You sent him a text and he hasn't replied. My suspicion is that he doesn't want to continue anything with you. I don't think his issue is whether you'll be faithful or not; you haven't given him any reason to doubt your faithfulness. Some guys just can't handle the idea of their woman being with other guys in the past, especially when they know those other guys personally. If you don't hear from him within a week or so, it's probably time to move on.

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  • He's just using an excuse. He just want sex.

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    • How do you know this? Is he not going to persue it with me because his mate has already messed me around?

What Girls Said 3

  • i would say cut your losses and be careful with who you jump in the sack with too soon,so you don't have this problem again,the first guy may be sending his buddies your way and using you for their pleasure,chill for a while,dont contact this one anymore,u don't have to prove yourself to them.

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  • Wait it out and see.

    Better yet,just move on.You shouldn't have to almost beg someone to be with them.

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  • It sounds to me as though he thought well my mate got some so I will give it a shot. (no offence) But then when he met you he thought hey she's actually a nice girl so he's backed off. It does sound as though he just wanted sex. Sorry. Ditch him!

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    • I hope you are wrong but to be honest I have a gut feeling your right because he did try it on with me too, I said to him it would be easy to do it but I want you to respect me and he said I do, so I then said I want you to respect me and I want you to respect me. He did say why would he drive an hour to see me just for one thing and we did go out for walks and meals, and hold hands in public. He did ask when we were meeting again. Does that change your opinion or not really?

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    • I actually turned him down and I'm wondering is that part of it, that I wouldn't sleep with him but I slept with his mate. Truth is, the more I like them the longer I wait. Sounds funny but I seem to always give it to the ones that I know are no good :(

    • I'd never get serious about the girl who did it that way. Even though it is understandable behavior it is highly insulting. If a girl was unapproachable to other "lesser" dudes but when she met me she found me irresistible, that's a positive thing. Giving it up quickly only gets taken for granted if the girl is known for doing it or if the attraction does not appear specific or genuine - or is confined only to sex. Otherwise it's a gift :)

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