So I met this girl six months ago and we've gotten really close, I've met her family and she's met my friends (I don't have much family left) We met on a dating site but after our second date she took hers down. I asked her about it and she said she was happy with me. We had a really great time together and we talked back and forth all day. We never fought much and I make her laugh all the time. She went though a hard time with her family and I was as understanding about it most of the time as I could be. She had to blow me of for a few weeks and then she went on vacation with her mother and now that she's back she comes up with homework. she won't talk to me for three days in a row at a time and finally today I got suspected something. I look on the dating site that we met on and she had been online that day. I confronted her with this and she denied it. Later tonight I see she was on it again after I confronted her. I told her I was pretty mad considering how close we were. She wouldn't even tell me that she was on it. I feel very betrayed. I don't know if I made a mistake getting so mad about it I didn't swear but I did say you must not be very happy if you're shopping around. I don't know if I should try to repair things or just move one. .
Most Helpful Guy
Giving should be a gift. From a confident, self-reliant person. I'm not saying that you aren't a strong man. You are strong enough to tell your side and look for advice. Many guys would just keep paying into it, in a state of denial.
Think of it like this. When we get into a relationship with someone, and we bring our own fallibility into it, we feel like we're the one who must pay into it in order to get something back. We don't deserve them because we have a less than perfect family life, or some mistakes in our past - or so we think. Whatever it is, we keep giving when we're not having many if any of our needs met.
When the other person isn't reciprocating and we keep giving, it's like putting money in a broken piggy bank. There's always two holes in a piggy bank. The little one on top, and the big one on the bottom. Sometimes there's no plug in the bottom. Sometimes, the piggy bank gets filled, and then broken by circumstance...
If you're doing your part and being there for her, but she's beginning the move many people make - slipping out the back door, then you're putting your energy into an unfulfilled situation.
Although she's obviously cheating and making excuses you're being the Dudley Do-Right for her.
It's late, I'm tired and everything' s a metaphor.
But you get my drift.
We've all been there, months into a deluded state of mind, pretending and telling ourselves stories and going along as if the lie we're telling is the truth we have chosen - and experienced the harsh recoil as we're snapped back to reality.
What does a calm, cool, collected, and confident man do with his coin when it keeps falling into a hole? Stops paying in. Doesn't scream for a refund to the broken piggy bank. Doesn't cry over the shattered pink pieces. Have I done both at times? Sure. So if you are fighting reality, I can't judge.
I can tell you it helps me get through, and centers me, when I tell myself I'm doing just what I should, to be responsible for my own state of mind. Some women are worth every bit of effort it takes to understand and nurture them.
I can't persuade someone who isn't to be my dream girl. Can't be nice enough to make a devil into an angel.
Measure your efforts and don't waste them.