Why do girls leave their male friend for someone else. Then go back to them when they are single again?

I have this female friend who will text me everyday and even talk about dating in the future. But all of a sudden she stops texting and start to date someone else. She would even make me aware that she is going to be dating someone knowing that I like her. But few months later she texting me eveyday again after she breaks up the guy. She has don't this like 5 times within almost 2 years time frame. its like a routine. She always push me to the side when she is dating and then come back when she is not. Normally the girl just won't talk anymore once she find someone. Why is doing this? Why does she keeps coming back?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, what I am about to say may hurt you. I'm sorry about that and I want you to know I've been there before too so you're not alone.

    You are Plan B. That means that she knows that you will always be there for her and she can get the rush of knowing you like her when she feels down or is single and wants the attention. She is interested in you enough to entertain the possibility of a relationship, but not enough to actually start a relationship with you. When she finds Plan A i.e other guys that she likes, she throws Plan B to the side because she doesn't need it anymore. That's why she doesn't contact you while dating others. It is also respectful to the other guy not to talk to guys she knows is interested in her.

    In all reality, she will not start a relationship with you. She would have already if she was truly interested in being your girlfriend. I know, it sucks. The best thing would be to tell her that you've enjoyed getting to know her, but you no longer want to be her yo-yo. You do not deserve to be pushed to the side when she finds another guy. If she truly wants you, then the thought of losing you will push her to commit. I don't recommend you tell her that just to get what you want, because it will backfire, but you need to set your boundaries.

    I wish you the best!

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    • True story.

    • Show All
    • You must have really have loved her. I am very sorry that she didn't see what she had. Perhaps you were just meant for someone else, someone who could give to you too.

    • I believe I love her more than any guy she has dated. He relationship only last no more that 5 months within a year and a half time period. And I really got to know her. I'm not sure if I would get to know anyone else. No one hasn't been that open to me before. And I got attach. I even met her female best firend.

What Girls Said 10

  • You're her backup plan. Her fallback. She doesn't really think you two will date, you're just a friend to her. When she's busy dating, she doesn't need that friend because she's occupied with another guy. When she's single, she wants the friend back again because she's bored and lonely. Plus she knows you very well.

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  • I had a guy friend who used to do this to me. He had a long distance relationship, and whenever he was feeling distant with his girlfriend, he would spend time with me. When she finally moved in with him, he stopped talking to me altogether. I think I was just emotional support for him while he didn't get any from his girlfriend.

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  • Simple answer: because you're her friend.

    When people start dating, they sometimes drop everything including their friends to be with their significant other. Everything she's done points to how she sees you as a good friend she can talk to. But if you're uncomfortable being just friends, you should formally ask her on a date (when she's single) and make it clear that it is a date. If she's reluctant or refuses, this might be the end of your friendship. Just a warning, you might not like the result, but you can't keep pretending that you just want a platonic relationship. If she doesn't want anything more, move on and find someone new.

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  • Cause he's the safe choice and she doesn't want to be alone

    She's using him

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    • Yep, and I learn she will never admitted, smh. Or she would never admit she would want me to leave her alone. But she would announce it on twitter just as excited as she can be. Not realizing how much of effect it would put on me.

  • Hm, maybe she thinks it would be awkward since you like her. Usually when people like someone, they kind of not forget, but ignore the people closest to them, even their friends, because they would want to spend almost all of their time with that one guy. It's not healthy, but it's kinda that situation when they think that they're in love. Perhaps that's just the case why she's not talking to you often and that's normal. Though tbh, I feel like you're kinda her secondary option. Like if her relationship falls apart, she could go back to you and enjoy having that sort of friendship even though you like her and she probably likes you a bit too. Why don't you just ask her?

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  • because her boyfriend would probably get jealous.

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  • because those chicks like guy friends.

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  • she doesn't respect you and thinks she's above you

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  • She's clearly not actually interested in you and is using you for back up in case she doesn't get a guy for a while and needs you to fill a void (that void might or might not be her vagina). Kind of like a safety net but bitchier. She stops talking to you because she has another guy to fill her needs when she's dating someone else.

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    • But why me, haha. I do feel like whenever she finds someone else she just throws me in the closet until she needs me again. She doesn't even care how it affects me, smh

  • Because you're an option/rebound in her friend zone. She got back with we boyfriend, now she doesn't need you.

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What Guys Said 6

  • You are in the FriendZone. And to some degree, that's your fault.

    You know how some guys will use a girl for sex, and string her along, promising her that *eventually* he'll give her a real relationship, but never really intends to do so? Girls do more-or-less the same thing, except that instead of using the guy for sex, they use him for attention and favors, and let him believe that they might one-day get together (for sex or a relationship), even though she never intends to do so.

    While I think this site is a bit crude and takes it a bit too far, and is overly misogynistic, there is still a lot of truth, and you should read it:

    link

    The simple answer is that, back at the very beginning, when you first met, you didn't make your intentions clear to her that you were romantically/sexually interested in her. You lacked confidence, and you weren't willing to walk away if she wasn't willing to date you, and so you accepted being put into the FriendZone. Unfortunately, once there, it's nearly impossible to get out with that girl.

    That's a painful lesson, but one you need to learn, and learn well, especially at your age. When you see a girl you are attracted to, you should walk right up to her, talk to her for 1-2 minutes, and then ask her out. If she says "yes", give her the basic details of the date and exchange contact info, and then walk away. Leave some mystery, and let her think and wonder about you, because that will build the excitement for her, and give her something to talk to her girlfriends about. You need to be direct, confident, smooth, relaxed, and just *slightly* inappropriate, so that it's clear that you are looking for a date, not a friendship.

    Read this too:

    link

    If you are single, and want a relationship, you should NOT, *EVER* settle for a friendship with a girl. You either date her, or you no longer have any contact with her, and you move on to the next girl. You don't waste ANY emotional capital on her, you simply thank her politely, move on, and never go out of your way to speak to her again.

    There are plenty of fish in the sea, and the worst thing you can do is get hung up on a girl who doesn't have feelings for you, because you'll never get anywhere and you are just wasting your time and energy. It's like going fishing, and casting your pole in the water all day long, but without ever even putting a hook on the line, much less bait. It's pointless, and the only possible result is failure.

    Learn to be bold, to not be afraid of rejection (you simply don't CARE if she says no, which will make her far more likely to say YES), and remember that there are plenty of other women out there, so this particular one isn't all that important unless she agrees to date you.

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  • She sees you as the safety net. She is chasing ideals, but wants a safety net to fall back on. Therefore, she will be able to see you after all her ideals have failed as the one constant that never abandoned her, no matter how many times she abandons you. If she sees more to you later, then rejoice. She'll come around and realize she was supposed to be with you the entire time. If she's just a user, however, then you'd best be moving on.

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  • She is going to date the male who is attractive to her. You continually take her back and are her emotional tampon. It's a routine because you keep letting it happen.

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  • You made a simple mistake: you passed the boyfriend prospect/friend line.

    You're her friend/confident. It doesn't matter if you like her and she knows that, you never showed intentions of being something else and she got that message.

    What happens?, when she finds a boyfriend, the time she used to spend and talk with you is now spent with him. And, when she breaks up, she needs back her confident friend to talk with (you).

    Suggestions? First analyze if this friendship has a chance to become something more. If it can, make a move!

    If it can't, decide if it's best for you to keep her as a friend (knowing that things will not change) or getting away from her because the situation is making your unconfortable. Find a girl that you like and make a move so it doesn't happen again.

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  • LOL. Because you're a 'nice guy' probably. You're there to make her feel good about herself or desirable while she doesn't have boyfriend. When she does have a boyfriend, she doesn't need you.

    Also she may be misunderstanding men, assuming men think like women. Women are more attracted to men who attract female company than men who do not. Maybe she assumes that men are more attracted to women who attract male company than women who do not (of course, we men know that, if anything, the opposite is true lol). Maybe she is vainly using you as bait lol.

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    • Just realized that my answer is the same as Best Answer lol. That girl is right.

    • Thanks I agree with her too.

  • That's because you're just a last resort, meaning a rebound whenever her dating life fails.

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