How do I tell a guy that I am not looking for just casual sex?

So I went on a first date with this guy on Thursday, we had so much fun that I went back to his house with him for one more beer. We had both been drinking and it was late. It started out great...he picked me up at 7, went to a nice restaurant then to a local pub, he was respectful, had good manners, we talked and laughed a lot and seem to have a lot of things in common but in the end I was tipsy and we had a marathon sex ALL night and I didn't get home until 7 am. I am worried now because I know I shouldn't have gone there...I have talked to him everyday since and we have a 2nd date set up for Thursday (my day off). I like him and hope something can happen between us. I don't want this to be a sex based thing so how do I tell him I'm looking for a relationship not just a booty call without scaring him?

Updates:
Thanks. Does it seem like I may have a chance although I did that? I know doing that can ruin things before they even start.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah I worried about the same things as you when I first started dating my boyfriend. There's no certainty that you ruined it, especially if you two had fun beforehand and the sex was great and the fact you have another date planned (always a good sign).

    Here's what I suggest:

    2nd date: Have fun, no sex. Come up with an excuse if you need to. I used to set up an appointment on the same day so I had a reason to leave.

    3rd date: have fun, no sex. Depending on how you feel about the guy and how he's reacting to you, maybe ask the question.

    What I usually do is just go with the flow until the guy suggests we become official. If you hold out on sex and he asks why, then you have the chance to tell him the truth: "I don't know where this is headed."

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What Guys Said 4

  • Way too soon, of course.

    Basically, you let the guy see the movie without buying a ticket lol. By now taking sex off the table, he's going to see that as going backwards, and we don't like backtracking, regardless of if it involves sex or not.

    Honestly, it depends on what type of guy he is. If he legitimately liked you, he'll continue to persue you. I find it difficult to believe that he's looking for something serious with you, as most guys would not go for sex on the first date, but I could be wrong.

    Your best bet is to be honest with him. Tell him that you would prefer to continue to get to know him first before you begin a sexual relationship, and that you're looking for more than just something physical. After that, he'll either stay or go.

    If he stays, tread lightly, its possible he might stay just long enough to get round number two.

    If it were me in this situation, I'd move on because I think sex this early ruins things.

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  • Just bring it up next time or on the third date - "so, what are you looking for from this?'

    Simple as that.

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    • Meh personally I don't see any distinction. If a I slept with a girl and she wanted a relationship id give it a go if I liked her.

  • Try to hold out those sex first. Try to stay on the relationship side until you know that you're in a relationship already.

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  • Don't drink, if you know you're going to have sex...alcohol impairs judgement

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