Guys, is it true that some of you don't go for your type for appearance's sake?

Okay, I heard before that some guys don't go for their type to keep up appearances. For instance, I heard that some guys will date skinny chicks to impress their friends, but cheat on the girl with fat girls because those are his real "type," and he's too embarrassed to announce his preference to the world.

So, is this a common thing? Or not that common? I'm not saying all guys do this, this is just something I heard and have never seen/experienced myself. I personally think people should go for their specific type, and I refuse to date guys who prefer a different phenotype from mine, haha.

Updates:
I think stalkers shouldn't block me unless they plan on leaving me alone forever.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not to go off-message, Makato-why?... but 1diamond makes a pretty good point below.

    She said it when she talked about arm candy. There's an element of truth to that.

    It takes a certain maturity and experience- on anyone's behalf- to get past the need for ego-stroking.

    We are attracted to who we are- but not all of them are worth it in the end. We sometimes stay anyway...longer than we ought to. It kind of reminds me of the song by Simply Red- the lyrics: "You're so beautiful- but oh so boring... and I'm wondering what am I doing here..."

    In my early 20s I was a wild man... lots of girls... stunningly beautiful girls, mostly. I wasn't shallow. I tried every which way never to be a jerk. I just adored women- especially pretty ones. I liked the way they looked on my arm- and the admiring glances (we) got from men and women alike. It was a heady feeling. If nothing else, it bred confidence.

    Still- what I always adored most about women- and still do to this day- is who they were/are, as the fascinating creatures they often are... inside.

    Sure- not all ladies are so awesome as all that- but women ARE special... and in some ways quite different to men.



    After a few poor experiences along the way- I have clearly learned that physical beauty is indeed skin deep... while true beauty always lies within the person themselves: the warmth, devotion, caring, dependability, kindness and generosity- of their time, their spirit, and their love. When you start to look at people in that way, then what they look like on the outside really doesn't matter.

    What's a few pounds or a funny nose?

    This "not caring" is the REAL self confidence that experience teaches.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I saw a lot of this in high school from both sexes. Many people dated people not only for themselves, but for others to see them and be jealous. In high school it was rare for people to be in unconventional relationships. The nerd had to have a nerdy girl. The jocks had to have the beauty queens and the average had to match up with the average. In high school kids care too much about what others think of them. Outside of high school in environments where most don't care about the next persons problem people date who they want too, but even then there are still many "convenience" relationships.

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    • High school was horrible. I'm not surprised.

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    • I'm not sure what conservatives styles are. It makes me think of 1990's clothes, bright colors or something.

      In a more traditional place, modesty is preferred. Provocative dressing is not allowed on the grounds, which makes sense, because it's a monastery.

    • It wasn't being conservative I regret, but just going for "safe" styles rather than fun styles.

  • I've heard of it in the media, but never been aware of it happening around me.

    From what I've seen and read in studies, men worry less then women do about whether other people think their partner is desirable. Not that women worry like crazy or men never consider it, but you might generally assume that most men care 'less then you do'.

    It is true that men tend to cheat with less attractive women then their partner (while for women its the opposite) but that's for other reasons.

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  • Some people try to impress their friends, but this is not real love. I'm not sure if it's common, but I think it's common in people who care about what others think and just want to have some social standing.

    I don't know if I have a "type". I'll know when I find someone though.

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    • Of course :)

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    • You did not imply anything about men in general, and you weren't generalizing. You were just asking a question, and the calm people answered in a rational way. You would only be generalizing if someone said something, and you started saying things like "all guys are like that", or "it's true and you're wrong" or something, like what I've seen before. The title or description of the question says nothing about you. Also, you said "some guys", which is no generalization.

    • Exactly! +100 on everything. :) next time there will be no anonymous users.

  • lol...now that is just plain nutty. This makes no sense to me...

    So what you're saying is...they fake it for appearance sake? Insecure much?!? Wouldn't that make the real girlfriend feel like crap though? Because you're too afraid to tell the world that you're proud of her as a girlfriend or a person even?!?

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    • Exactly! It's just a crazy concept I heard. Cause Arnold Schwartzenegger dated skinny Maria Shriver (is that the name?) yet cheated on her with the heavier maid. It's weird but I read about it and wanted to know how much of the GAG population knew someone who did this.

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    • I don't know much about Arnold Schartzenegger's story, although I've only heard hearsay. Wasn't chubbiness considered attractive back in the day?

    • Oh yes, way back. Like Ancient Greek times.

  • To the anonymous answerer who just blocked me: I was referring to you, not her. You are an idiot. I know her and can assure you she's anything but a "man-hater". But either way, you don't know her and are not in the postion to judge her, so STFU.

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    • Thank you! :D

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    • There's already a way to block anonymous users, just click "block answers from anonymous users" when asking a question :-)

    • I just want to block that user, not all annoys though xD

  • I've never in my life heard or seen this happen anywhere.

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    • Haha. I think I heard this around the time of the Schwartzenegger cheating scandal.

    • Not saying it doesn't happen though. There's so many people on earth that anything is possible.

    • Indeed.

  • It's not out of the question for some to do such a thing, but by the same token, it's also very rare. And it's beyond pathetic to date someone just for the sake of impressing friends. Or just to kiss their asses so they won't look down on you.

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  • If it happens, it's rare. Guys are not all the shallow douche bags you seem to believe we are.

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    • Lmfao, I never said all guys are shallow, but a lot are. Some women are gold-diggers, and some men will tell a size 0 chick to lose weight. Perspective.

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    • I d accept that you care about some men. But you hate most men, which makes you a misandrist.

      You're in denial. It's not healthy for you or anyone else. Aren't you a psych major? Jeez...

    • "At least half of men", to use you own words...

  • That's very rare. Most guys will always go for appearance.

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    • Right? You would think they would go for what they like, because it's more socially acceptable for guys to want a girl they find attractive (though if girls do the same, they are shamed on this site).

  • I've never heard of this.

    If a guy goes out with a skinny chick whose personality he doesn't like it's most likely because he finds her physically attractive.

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    • Haha, I bet those relationships don't last long. xD

    • Probably not lol.

What Girls Said 7

  • I think this is sometimes true, but may be true in ANYONE who cares too much what others think of them. It's especially prevalent in high school aged individuals, due to the 'herd' mentality that most of them get stuck in. I don't think cheating is necessarily always a factor, but I understand what you're getting at. I also don't necessarily think that it means only one or the other is their true 'type', they may be attracted to both, but may not be open about being attracted to whichever is less socially acceptable among their peers, lol. Or they'll date the one that is acceptable, but sleep with whoever is easiest to get into bed, being less open about the less acceptable ones. Girls totally do this too, but I do notice it more in guys.

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  • I'm sure there are guys who do that. There are guys who are really gay but date women for appearance sake, so I wouldn't be surprised if they do the same thing when it comes to looks too. I heard a guy say certain types of females (looks wise) are like name brand/designer and other types are off brands. So they would want to have the Ralph Lauren Polo girl on his arm and wear the KMart chick in private.

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    • Dang, that guy sounds super shallow. D: one's Ralph might be another's K-Mart and vice versa, interestingly enough.

  • Hmm, I've heard of guys going for the model type or the "hot" one to impress their friends, and then cheating or eventually going for a "normal" girl. I honestly think guys really do that obviously for bragging rights, but I think deep down, no guy wants the "hot" one in the end or "the skinny one" or the "exotic" one... they just want a girl who's down to earth and cares for them.

    So I think they don't do it out of shame for what they REALLY want, and I agree with the guy posters that that's more of an insecure move that guys typically aren't insecure about. They just do it cos, let's face it...who DOESN'T want to be the one that has the "hot" boyfriend or gf?

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    • Exactly! I just couldn't imagine dating someone you weren't attracted to simply for appearances' sake. @_@

  • I have had a lot of male friends in my time and I mean just friends! Well a lot of them treated me like one of the guys although I am not a tomboy there was just always more males in our group/s. They always seemed to open up to me and be more themselves then with the other girls so I learned quite a bit. A lot of these guys have settled with girls they don't truly deep down want to be with. One of them had a model type girlfriend who was material and catty. He got sick of her and got with a really plain girl who was a little chubby. Turned out she was lovely and he was never happier. But he was with the other girl for years and years before. I think she was just an arm show! But then when he really matured he went for what he truly wanted.

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    • Dang girl. That sucks for the model girl though, he wasted years of her life. I'm scared of being with a guy who does that to me. I mean, I dumped guys who told me they liked x type and tried to turn me into that type (he tried to make me into a tomboy, which just isn't me, despite it being fine for other girls), but some are really good liars, lol.

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    • Haha. Yeah, makoto-kun is a good person, and she's sweet too.

    • Thanks xD

  • I'm not familiar with this but at the same time I do hear about guys that fall for average girls regardless of what their friends say. Not all guys want a 10/10 girl based off of what I've noticed. I think the whole "men want gorgeous gals" is mainly media driven. At least that's what I've been thinking. As far as being embarrassed about preferences, lmao! Guys definitely get away with more as far looks go and voicing their preferences for looks.

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    • That's what I thought lol. XD

    • Exactly! And he blocked me lmao

  • I know of many men that do this yes.

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    • Omg really? Details please! :)

  • I think people keep a lot of their romantic/sexual preferences private.

    I've never known of anyone doing it to the degree you're describing, but how would I know? :-P haha!

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    • Ah, you never know. xD I feel like guys are usually loud about what they like.

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    • It's weird. I mean, if people want to live like that, are safe about pregnancy/STDs, and don't hurt each others' feelings (via honesty ftw), I'm not against it, but it's far from what I could handle. For me, sex is for a serious relationship.

    • I think it would be hard to deal with more than one relationship. Isn't it the case that if you focus your attention on different things, you are able to focus less attention on each individual case (person)?

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