She will never text first, is that a problem? Am I doing something wrong?

I met this girl a couple of weeks ago and we really hit it off. We had a couple of informal "coffee dates" which went really well. We text nearly everyday, but it is always I that starts the conversation, and she has NEVER initiated one text convo. She always replies to my texts pretty quickly, and tries to keep the conversation going, but I sometimes feel like she's not giving me much to talk about either. She's even sent me single ":)" before when the conversation was dying.

I have heard from many mutual friend that she does like me, but there is a problem. We go to school together, but school is now over and I have moved out of state for training and won't return to school until 2014, and she lives hundreds of miles away.

My question is, now that all we can really do is text/call, what am I doing wrong? She will never text first, is that a problem? Should I not text her for a while and see if she texts me back at all?



Most Helpful Girl

  • First rule: Guys tend to be expected to initiate. I just told my guy this and he honestly does usually initiate, even if it's just to comment about the weather. A girl initiating ultimately becomes tagged as "needy" (read "desperate and undesirable").

    Second Rule: Kill the convo before it dies. "I have to go now" -- vague but clearly outlining that you have something to do -- "It was great chatting with you. To be continued."

    Third Rule: I tell my guy that one call is worth fifty texts. JUST CALL HER. This way you have a better sense of what's going on. It's a nice surprise for a girl these days. The guy calls. They chat, etc.

    Fourth Rule: If you start lagging in your texts she will presume you're no longer interested. Unless you clearly state that you're busy with training/etc. and can't text except at certain times, then it's okay to lag a bit.


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Girls Said 3

  • I personally don't recommend long distance relationships unless the two of you are COMPLETELY IN LOVE and have been together for some time. Long distance usually never works out unless both people are 100% committed. I know it sucks to let go, but you'll find someone new in no time. Trust me. I had a long distance relationship which wasn't working out so well and surprisingly after the breakup, I got attached to someone new quickly, which never usually happens.

    Besides that point, I wouldn't say that she doesn't necessarily like you...because if she always texts back and it's quick, that's not a bad sign. I am like her in that I may not try to save a conversation, even though I'd like to keep texting the person. Personally, try not texting her for a day or two. See if she'll try to text you back. I know a guy who did that to me and it worked as I did end up texting first for once. If you keep texting first or trying to save a conversation, girls get used to it and they let you do all the work all the time. Make her do some of the work too. If she does try, it's a big sign she's interested.

    If she answers your calls, that's a good sign. A girl will never answer a guy's call if she didn't like him or wasn't interested in him. I know for a fact that if I'm not into a guy, I will deliberately not answer his call or text.

    Hope it all works out!

  • I don't think it is a pronlem that she never texts first, some girls have a weird thing instilled in their head thst they'll come off as desperate if they are the one to initiate a conversation, or they don't feel wanted if the guy isn't initiating it all the time. It's kind of a narcissicistic thing I think.

  • it might be the distance thing. I personally don't think I would want to just be a pen pal to a guy I genuinely liked that I couldn't be with.

    • So, would you say, from the little I've mentioned, that she's interested, but hesitant about getting close due to the distance? Because that's exactly what the mutual friend of ours had said . . .

    • Show All
    • np :) Well, if you really want to have something with this girl, I think you need to sort of subtly ask her if that is the reason why. You don't want to scare her off. Id just be really nice and understanding and ask her how she feels about you moving away. Ask her how she feels about talking to you via text, ask her is its what she wants to do?

    • We did sort of talk a little about this before we moved our separate directions. She said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to start anything at the current time and hoped that I would understand; only knowing each other for a short period of time, and with us separating soon. It's obviously knows that I like her, but she hasn't been that open to me about it, probably due to the distance. I would just been weird and awkward bringing it up now, over text, ya know?

What Guys Said 2

  • Some girls will just give up on the guy because the long distance is unbearable.

    It's still best if you text her just as platonic friends.

  • You're not doing anything wrong at all. It's common that girls don't text first because they feel that it's the guy's responsibility.