Is it really weird dating a guy or girl that has a kid? is it wrong to be turned off by the idea?

Theres this guy who seems to really like me I've not known him that long so I'm still getting to know him so I can't say I like him a lot yet. He seems nice but he has a child with an ex girlfriend. This fact kind of turned me off because I love kids but I've never dated a guy with kids,had opportunities too but chose not too. don't wanna deal with "baby mama drama" I've never wanted to be a stepmom. The whole thing makes me uneasy But he says his child wouldn't be a big issue if we dated.but he cannot leave the state (he doesn't live in my state) but he says we could figure out how to fix being together and too look on the bright side.I don't drive and don't have anyone to go with me to see him if the time came as of now.

And I surely don't wanna move.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Then why get involved in this scene? of course there are all these complications with kids, including the sacrificing of mobility due, I guess, to divorce and custody issues.

    And who knows what else awaits if you start dating him!

    There's nothing wrong with deciding that at this stage in your life, you don't want these restrictions and complications. But make your decision up front, and quickly!

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What Guys Said 12

  • This sounds like it is not meant to be. You can easily say kids are a deal breaker. It's perfectly legitimate to say that.

    Plus the transportation is an issue. Also he says his kid won't interfere but that don't mean his ex won't. The ex is almost always in the picture when a kid is involved.

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  • Is it really weird dating a guy or girl that has a kid? is it wrong to be turned off by the idea?

    It's not weird it's just more demanding physically and emotionally. You should be turned off by the idea alright. You're always going to have conflict with that kind of relationship because if the mother/father of the abandoned kid shows up again, you might be the one who will have to tag along and justify your reason for dating the single parent. Also, You might often encounter conflicts with the single parent when you provide more care to you biological kids than your step-kids.

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  • It's not wrong but there are some problems:

    -You don't have the right to ban the ex (the other parent) out of your lives, because of the child. For that reason, relocating can be a problem.

    -If the child hits puberty before you're accepted as stepmom, there may be some trouble.

    IF you're aware of that and are ready to accept the consequences, go ahead.

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  • It's not weird that it's not your thing. You're right to have those opinions, those are issues. You don't want to move, he can't move - so you've got your answer already.

    But, you have to know that as you're getting older, the odds of finding a guy with kids goes up.

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  • Living in different states is a bigger problem than dealing with, or accepting a child into a relationship. People with children are more grounded and committed. When I met my fiance', she had two children -- ages 4 and 6. I thought, I've dealt with one child before, how hard can two be ? Pretty tough actually, but I persevered, and we will be getting married one of these days. Don't a child define the man in this case, or the potential of a great relationship...and maybe a great relationship between you and this little boy or girl. Again, the problem is more the "living in two different states thing". If you can work that out, then I feel you should give it a chance. Nothing gained if you don't at least try ;-)

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    • Yeah but he said something about he can't come visit for financial reasons I didn't understand

  • Dating a guy that has a kid AND lives out of state sounds like this setup is doomed at the start :(

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  • if you have to ask about it iam pretty sure its not for u

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  • its not that weird. Sometimes its hard for me to fall for girls that already have kids

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  • i mean you don't even know him that well..

    the issue of the child and baby momma?

    i think it's normal...i would prefer not to date a woman with kids unless I really felt some kind of strong connection

    the bigger issue?

    the two of you living in separate states...you're already thinking about relocating/ visiting? how well do you know the guy?

    regardless of the issue of the child, the distance issue is the bigger issue. I doubt that this will bode well for either of you. it sounds like a lot of money, time, and effort is about to be spent for someone you don't know too well...

    normal relationships fall apart all the time. long distance relationships have an even greater chance of failing. are you willing to invest into something that is so uncertain?

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    • I see what your saying and I'm not thinking of visiting or relocating already I just ment if I decided I wanted to date him

  • I take the same attitude.

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  • I don't think it's wrong. I feel the same way. I don't want to deal with all of the problems that are involved with being with a person that has a kid.

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  • It's not weird at all.

    Yes, most people won't date someone like that, but it's not like a taboo at all.

    If you want to be with that person, then pursue it.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well, for one this guy seems a little odd as he's talking about "making it work" before you've even started dating him.

    Personally no, I would not date a guy with a child. If anyone is to date someone with a child the need to treat that child as if it were their own; otherwise it's not fair to the child. If you can't do that find someone else!

    My stepmom hates me and it has tampered with my relationship with my dad.

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  • I feel the same way you do except for I don't like kids all that much so why should I date a man with one. But yeah guys with kids are a turn off for me and I don't want to deal with the ex's and having to be involved with someone else's kid. Just a lot of other reasons behind why I won't date a man with kids. But I don't think it's wrong to be turned off.

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