Friends, Ex's and Rules...

Would you date a friends ex, or would you let a friend date your ex?

I'm asking because I know a lot of people see it as an unwritten rule that you don't date friends exs, or even their crush. Whereas I have dated several of my friends ex, and they may have dated a few of mine. They don't seem to care and neither do I... So why is this such an issue for so many people? Jealousy?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't have a set rule about this, I think it sort of depends on the situation. My general guideline is that if a good friend is not over their ex, then you have some respect and don't start dating that person, it's just not fair. You have to give it some time, you don't walk into a party with their ex the weekend after they broke up. But, if a decent amount of time has passed (a month or two) and they seem over it, I have no problem with it.

    I had a friend date my ex- I think it was like 4 months after we broke up or something. It didn't bother me in the least, I was over him, so why not? I think my ex was more worried than I was- he's a good guy and he didn't want to screw up my friendship with his new girlfriend or make things weird for me.

    I don't think I've ever dated a friend's ex, it just never really came up- I tend to see my friends' boyfriends as sort of "undatable" from the beginning, so it doesn't change once they break up.

    I think the reason it'soften an issue is that if your friend isn't over their ex or they have some negative lingering feelings toward their ex, they see it as sort of traitorous for a friend to date the ex. For me, friends automatically come first so if there was any chance it bothered them then there's no way I'd date the guy. If they were OK with it, then I wouldn't have an issue.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I would never date a friend's ex, ever. It would probably make them uncomfortable.

    As far as whether I would let a friend date my ex, it depends on the circumstances. For one, I would have had to be the dumper in that relationship. Also it would have to be a long time between the end of my relationship with them and my friend's relationship with them. It also depends on the length of my relationship with that person. If it spanned years or even several months then I don't think I could allow it ever.

    Unfortunately I have an interest in a ex's friend (though to be fair he's my friend too). It's been years since my somewhat short relationship with my ex and he has had a girlfriend since before he and I broke up. I'm hoping his friend won't refuse to date me because of those things.

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  • I don't have a rule - I think it depends on a lot of factors and everyone involved should have a discussion.

    I could care less if someone dated my ex and at the same time I've lost friends for them merely thinking I had feelings for their ex when I did not.

    I think remaining feelings is the major factor in it and jealousy also plays a role. Rather than understanding that not everyone goes well together some might be jealous that their friend makes their ex happier than they did and get upset about that.

    It's pretty unfortunate. I wish people could live in the land of "what is" rather than "what was" or "what could be".

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  • Depending on how close they were. If it was a very pale and mild crush/ex and some time had passed since, I wouldn't have a problem dating a friend's crush/ex.

    But if this ex was important in my friend's life and if they aren't compltely over them, then why am I getting into trouble? Not worth it.I value my friends more than I would consider dating their ex-SO.

    After all, there a lot of other guys out there.

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  • I never thought of it, because my taste in men are different than my friend's taste in men. So I never had this problem. However if I was faced with this problem one day, I don't think I'd want to date a friend's ex, especially if they broke up badly. I wouldn't want my friend's "dump" and it might also interfere with our friendship. If a friends wants to date my ex, I think it also depends on a lot of things. If we're not really that close or if the relationship ended in a good way, I don't think I would care. If she's my best friend and the relationship ended badly, I would advise her against it, because I wouldn't want her to get hurt the way I did.

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  • i treat my friends like family.

    if I date my friend's ex, it's like dating

    my sister's ex boyfriend.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I don't date my friends ex's. Personally, I think it's awkward dating a girl that my good friend once dated. I do this because of terms of respect. If I had a change in heart and would like to date a girl my friend once loved, I'd ask for he and I to hangout and drink a beer, and ask him how he would feel.

    I draw a VERY thick line between girls my friends are dating and me. I have lost one of my best friends because of a girl. I thought I knew him better to think I was stealing his girl (which I wasn't), and because of his ignorance he stopped talking to me... lol just like that.

    Ever since then I've taken into account that my friends take dating and girls WAY too personal. I don't want that to happen again, so whenever I'm around a really attractive girl who is married to one of my best friends (I have a lot of friends married to outrageously beautiful women), I just treat them like a normal person and don't give them special attention.

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  • For me, I tend to shy away from it, as it can make group activities awkward. That said, it's not a hard and fast rule.

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  • I would let it either way. After all, they are all single.

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