What would you do if you were me?

I met someone online about a month ago and we hit it off well. We instantly clicked and bonded and began falling for one another. Yes, we had sex.

I visited him for a weekend (he lives 30 min away) and we went out to dinner, rented some videos on RedBox, had some drinks, and went hiking. It was a great time. However, something I did (or did not do) reminded me of his recent ex-wife and turned the romance switch for him. We talked it over and decided we'd be friends since neither of us have many friends as we are both rather new to the area. He wanted some buffer time before we met up again, and I was good with that.

A week goes by and I happened to be in his area and shot him a text offering to go out for a drink. I was not expecting him to go for it. We met at a bar with some of his "meet up" friends and enjoyed the night dancing to a live band and having some drinks. As he was sobering up, he kisses my forehead and tells me he missed me. I told him I wanted to kiss him but didn't think it would be right and he simply shook his head. We both apologized for what happened several times that evening. We walked out of the bar arm in arm laughing and chatting. I offered to drive him to his car and before we got into my car he goes and kisses me. I followed him home to be sure he got there safely.

He invited me in and I asked if he was sure about it, and he said yes. We sat and watched some TV, cuddled and things were as if nothing ever happened. We both told one another that we missed each other and we sat and cuddled for a good hour. He asked me to take him to get something to eat as he was starving, I obliged, and as we were getting ready to leave he kissed me again (these kisses were pecks on the lips...nothing passionate as I did not want it to get that far without regretting it).

I took him to IHOP at 3 am and he invited me to stay over as I had a 30 minute drive home and it was already 4 am by the time we got done. I again asked if he was sure and he said yes. We walked his dog arm in arm before bed, chatting and talking.

I had to leave early in the am to get home and get ready for work and when I was leaving I asked if I could call him in the afternoon, which he responded with a nod in his sleepy stance. I did call him that afternoon asking him to clarify if his actions were legit or if it was the booze. I did tell him I had feelings for him and was falling for him...but later realized these feelings were of admiration and friendship. He's an in intelligent guy with a wonderful personality. I'd love to have him as a friend, but at the same time I'd love to clear the air once again.

I have not heard back from him at all. I am assuming he is going back to his buffer time before we speak or see one another again. What do you all think? He's obviously conflicted. I know he's still online searching for dates, which is fine..we're not dating.

What would you do if you were me? Wait it out before touching base again? How long?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's still traumatized about his divorce, and withdrawn emotionally. He needs to be reintroduced to life a little.

    You can do that for him, little by little, but it will be walking on a minefield; he will have more flashbacks to his marriage, there will be more switches turned on and off when you aren't expecting them to even be there.

    Can you put up with that? Most of us divorced people are somewhat like that.

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    • He's the first divorcee I ever dated. I am not sure how long ago it was, but I do feel it is still fresh, within the last 6-12 months. He wasn't married very long, but I know it can sting. As I said, he's a wonderful person and is generally very positive about life, but I know deep down he is hurting and I want to help him get through it. Thanks for the input, it will certainly help.

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    • Exactly that..be careful not to give him those ripped off flashbacks

    • Curious--how are things going for you two?

What Guys Said 2

  • I think maybe about two weeks give him a shout, but be sure to make your new position clear to him from the start so there is no confusion about anyones intention for the rest of the conversation.

    Hope it works out for you.

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  • If I were you I'd try again in a week and see what's happenin'!

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What Girls Said 1

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