Is a dating site over rate for example (plenty of fish aka pof)

I feel is over rate because the women on there seem as if they only want attention and the feeling of being wanted to boost there self esteem issues. Cause the thing is I messaged over 100s of women on there and I got over 20 numbers and after a few days they will stop texting or when I contact them is like am making first all the time. I been a member on pof since jan and I only saw 6 of them. There was some sexually contact with them but never intercoure cause they wanted relationship. I didn't want relationship with them because they were older or had kids. Am 22 and the oldest was 32. Yea so I feel 5 women coming to see me out of 100s of messages that I send to other isn't good. The thing is I know am an attractive looking guy cause am a college student and women always notice me when am walking by and smile. I would have at least 3 women smile at me every other day. I ment women at college but at clubs more but I feel that I could have gotten more if I came up to them and talked. Should I just delete the dating site


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, it sounds like you're having better luck than a lot of guys have with dating sites.

    Anyway, a few things to consider:

    1. People screen their messages. The more attractive the woman, the more messages she likely gets. She isn't going to be interested in every person who messages her, and it might not be feasible even if she wanted to. So, she's going to screen you based on: the content of your message, your photos, the content of your profile, whether or not the two of you are looking for the same thing, etc.

    2. If you're sending 100s of messages, there's a good chance that your messages are pretty generic. Women can usually tell if a guy is just mass-messaging women based on the content of the message they send. A woman wants to feel like you're interested in her specifically---not in an "out of all the women on this site, I picked you!" way, but in the sense that something about her caught your eye besides "she's hot and female" or "she's female and local". Mention something that she's written in her profile to show that you've actually read it.

    3. Keep in mind that some profiles are going to be duds. There are people who are inactive on the site, but their profile is still there. I'm not sure if its so much that some women are on there simply because they want attention and a self-esteem boost---but I do think there's probably a number of women who are on there just to check it out and see what its like, but get cold feet about actually meeting someone.

    4. If a woman messages you back or chats with you for awhile, don't assume that that means she's going to want to meet up. You go through a second screening process. Generally, she's going to want to get to know you better, see if there's a connection, see if you're looking for the same thing, etc., and she's going to want to feel safe about meeting you. I've definitely chatted with guys on dating sites who seemed cool at first, but then said things that made me feel really uneasy about meeting them in person.

    5. It sounds like YOU aren't bothering to screen the people you talk to/meet up with. You seem to be meeting women simply because they're willing to meet---not because they're your type or they're looking for the same thing as you. Of course that's likely to end in disappointment. The tactic you're using is a "numbers game" (the more women you message, the more likely you are to have someone message you back), whereas a lot of other people are looking for quality over quantity (trying to find someone they're likely to click with).

    6. Dating sites work for some people and don't work for others. I know a number of people who have met their significant others online, for example. That said, if you're getting a lot of attention from women in your day-to-day life, why not talk to them/ask them out?

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    • Well your right in some ways cause the usually I can tell if they just want attention. cause ususally me and the girl would text for days and it will go great. And after awhile texting gets boring and for better understand of the person you will need to talk over the phone. Some of the women seem like they don't want to talk over the phone and the ones I do talk to I in up meeting

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    • I would be put off by doing 100 percent of the initiating too---I would take it as a) she's not really interested, or b) she's the type of girl who expects the guy to "chase" her and do all the work (and if I were a guy, I wouldn't be interested in a girl like that).

      I'd be more patient about not talking on the phone after two weeks, but that's just me. If you feel its a waste of time, by all means, move on.

    • If it was B am not the type to chase cause if I was ever in a relationship with a girl like that it wouldn't go way because she would try to walk all over me and am not down with that. By chasing gives her the power

What Girls Said 1

  • I've heard POF is the worst site to try. If you're a college student, I wouldn't bother with online dating. There are too many other venues to meet people that are better.

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    • Yes I know your right lol. and with online dating when ever I get there number is like am making the move and contacting first its so and weeks later they just stop talking as if they wanted to lead me on and cut me out for emotional support

    • Yeah, like I said, POF is pretty low quality from what I've heard from everyone who has tried it.

    • haha low quality is right, cause I can see if I flat out said I wanted sex or something dumb like that then yea cut me out gee lol

What Guys Said 4

  • You seem like the exact kind of problem that makes girls not want to meet people online. You're complaining about girls not replying to you. They get so many messages that they cannot reply to them all. I have met people who told me that got 50 hookup requests a day. You're just another one of them.

    Why would you even hang out with an older women who has kids if that is not what you want? You wanted sex obviously and are annoyed that you did not get it. Yet she is probably wondering why you are hanging out with her if you don't want a relationship with her.

    The girls on the site have a lot to choose from, and they have to be careful because a lot of guys like you just want to hook up with them and that is not what they are looking for. If they are gonna hook up with a guy, they are probably gonna want to hook up with someone who knows basic English anyway.

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    • The different between me and you is this. Am not a guy who waits around in a line Am her first choice and if she not then oh well

  • idk man, it might be how your talking to em there's that new app on iphone that works pretty well.

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    • I know its not me, the women on there get at least 20 or more message from different guys every day. but yea what app you talking about

    • idk its like a picture of you then you write a little description, and its only people from your city I think and if they say yes it glows up and says like match made or something... I think this is it. link

      its called meatmois, or something like that

    • Thanks bro I will check it out

  • No. They work well.

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  • "the feeling of being wanted to boost there self esteem issues"

    It seems that you are already aware of about 90% of online dating site users. This, and casual encounters, are what (free) online dating sites have basically settled themselves into. You have guys and girls with self-esteem issues (and who knows what else) wanting a relationship because the thought of being left alone kicks in a bit of desperation. Or you have people that just want an easy way to contact a good amount of people to see if they can get any casual encounters. Though the relationship-ers outnumber the casual-ers pretty substantially.

    I lol when I hear news stories talking about all the charms of online dating. I already know I sound like a jerk saying all this here now, but online dating is not the future. It IS a new way for people to meet, and especially attempt to negate the hurdle of self-esteem and/or emotional issues. But it isn't "the way of the future".

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    • Cause this one girl I meet online and I was doing all the contacting. so I said lets hang and she said OK and wanted to meet out outback steakhouse and I was like nooo. So we meet at the foot court at the mall and it seems as if she wanted a free meal and no I didn't by sh*t for her. She drove me back home and I told her if your not interested tell me now so there no time waisted. she said she was still interested and a day later I text and call and she ignored me. she justed wanted a boosted

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