Do you feel dating these days is more or less a chore and not an adventure?

I have been thinking for awhile and observed for a while, it appears to me more and more that dating these days to most people is a chore and not a magical experience. This is the same for friendship as well.

I was talking to some women that are at least 10 - 20 years older than me today at a company where I was dropping something off there. While waiting, I start having conversations with these ladies and they all seem to be OK with everything, very out going, no expectation, no games, just regular every day conversation.

Then I went up to another group of women who are somewhat at the same age group or maybe a little younger. The atmosphere just change drastically. Conversations were dry, showing signs that they are being very irritated. They seem uncomfortable with everything. So I stopped.

Then I am thinking to myself in terms of social interaction is concern. I realized that people are treating social activities like a prescribed chores with step by step instructions and people must do what is written on it. I very rarely get into any in depth conversation with anyone. At best, random bantering for hours with no real purpose in the conversation. If I do have a nice conversation with someone, it doesn't last long, unless if it is about business matter.

For example, I noticed that I cannot start a conversation with people unless I make some ridiculous comment first. If I try, it leads to a dry one word answer with a dirty look on their face saying "Why are you even talking?!" or they completely ignore you.

I feel as though I have to be someone that must execute everything little thing perfectly to have a conversation with someone these days. It seems very robotic to me when I read dating tips or relationship articles about how man and women should do this and that. Watch out for their body language, eye contacts, touching, cross arms, cross legs, sneezing, pick their nose, etc.

Have we become a nation to converse with one another systematically like our jobs?

Shouldn't social activities be an adventure and magical?

I often think about my friends that date a lot, do they actually feel those magical experience? or do they just date because they know the formula? However, I do noticed that they are never satisfy with their partners. There is always seem to be something wrong with each other.

So I am guessing they initially attract to one another based on what makes them feel good, rather than what is logically possible with them.

What are your thoughts?

  • Yes, like a Chore
    40% (2)80% (8)67% (10)Vote
  • Nope, I get that magical experience every time.
    60% (3)20% (2)33% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I love meeting new people and talking to new people and I've noticed something similar the other way around.

    Because I'm a pretty girl (I've got self confidence thank you very much) whenever I talk to guys it's hard to actually have a real conversations. If it's not about them trying to make passes and hit on me and be a lewd as possible it feels like they're just sizing me up for dating or f***ing purposes. Every thing I say they react to like they're dissecting if I'm really worthy. I say I love sports, they ask which ones, which would be fine, but they do it in this tone like "Oh, really? Okay, sure." I say I like games or comics or something and it's the same thing. But if I don't talk about something manly, or I stop seemingly try to impress them they stop giving a sh*t.

    I mean those are the few times I've had conversations that weren't just them hitting on me or judging me like a slab of meat trying to figure out how to get into my pants. I think it just depends where you meet them, what mood they're in and all that. Whenever I go out LARPing or something the people there are nothing but nice and open and wonderful and loving, but try at a club or bar and it's completely different. So I htink it's just local, really. I just met a guy and we're kind of maybe dating and it's as magical as can be, it all just clicked and it is wonderful.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I can't pick between A or B because it's not ALWAYS like a chore. Neither is it ALWAYS magical. I don't randomly strike up conversations with people all that often... just, you know, sometimes- when the mood hits me or circumstances allow for it. I would say that most of the time, I have a nice little short-lived interaction and then I go on my way. I don't ask for numbers, though, or try to hang out with them. I exchange pleasantries or whatever and then I leave, or they do. I don't try to have in-depth conversations out of the blue with strangers- I will admit that in a certain setting, it can happen- it can unfold sort of organically- but for the most part, I don't think it needs to happen. Is that what you are doing? I don't think I would like it if I were approached by a person I didn't know and he/she started rattling off questions at me- I would find it intrusive. The nice thing about conversation is that it can meander all over the place- sometimes it stays superficial, sometimes you get a little deep- but just chatting without any particular expectation is fine, I think. I have no idea where you get the idea that social interaction is supposed to be a magical adventure... it seems to me you think it's other people's job to entertain you, to whisk you away on some flight-of-fancy (that is still somehow deep and meaningful) at your whim. And, no, Dude... it doesn't work that way, nor should it.

    Maybe you find dating tiresome because you have expectations that are not being met- and I say that is YOUR problem. You don't get to have expectations of people you don't know. You aren't that special. Neither am I. All you get to do is take people as you find them. And just because you approach one group of women who are open to talking to you doesn't mean that the next group of women you approach should be equally thrilled to have you demand their attention. You don't know what Group B was doing- maybe someone is getting divorced, or maybe someone's sister is a junkie. Maybe someone's mother is ill, or maybe someone found a lump in her breast and is afraid of what that could mean... and here you come, wanting them to interact with you, when they just don't wanna. Well, they don't have to. It doesn't make them sh*tty or tiresome. It makes them not willing to entertain you, which is their right. You don't get to feel poopy about that.

    Maybe I am reading this all wrong, maybe I am totally missing your point. But I read all the words you put together up there, and it's my perception- based on what you wrote- that you think you are entitled to get attention from people when you want it, and also it has to be attention you feel is worthy of you. And... no. Sorry.

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    • Hm... that's not the question... perhaps I just wrote it in a context that made you think this is a personal issue. Is actually an observation and experiment that I came to that conclusion. :/

      More like, shouldn't talking be an enjoyable experience with no expectations verses talking with the magic formula... That should be more concise than, chores and magical.

      But neither case, your answer is good.

    • I am glad you cleared that up. And to answer your amended question: shouldn't talking be an enjoyable experience with no expectations verses talking with the magic formula... ?

      I would have to say... you know... some times. You roll the dice, you takes your chances. Sometimes you accidentally have a great interaction. Sometimes you feel like you just sacrificed time you could have spent doing something meaningful, like polishing your mailbox.

  • I felt like dating was a chore, absolutely. You're constantly self-conscious, trying to decode each other, second-guessing yourself at every little thing. "Did I say the wrong thing?" "Did I do the wrong thing?" "Did I call/text too soon or not soon enough?" "Is (s)he talking to someone else?" Blah blah. Everything is a make or break situation in dating, just about. Talk about anxiety, haha!

    Yes, it's an exhausting chore for me as well. But I am an introvert, so of course I'd feel this way :-) Extroverted people don't have the same kind of anxiety issues as introverted people.

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  • I don't think it's a chore

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What Guys Said 5

  • dating is one of those things , it has the potential to be very interesting and a fun time . but at the same time it can become more of a chore due to modern expectations . and lets say some of what's involved in dating might not interest us much or cost so much $ it can become very expensive . things like nights out at restaurants aren't cheap

    but as I said dating has a lot of potential and could be a great experience if done right

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  • I've been on a few dates in the past few months and I can honestly say (and this is my personal opinion only) that a date being a chore or an adventure depends not only on yourself but the person you are dating. My experience these past couple of months is that it can be an adventure but you still need to be dating the right person to find it as an adventure. The few girls that I tried dating (I say tried because the date didn't really go all that well which made it feel like a chore) just weren't the right girls for me. So, because of that, it felt like a chore. A date feels like a chore for me if I feel that I need to change myself or my personality to get along with the girl better,or to make sure that "sparks fly". I just feel like me being myself is not gonna work with a lot of girls which is why the dates I have been on feel like chores. Also, the date is gonna feel like a chore if I have certain standards and those standards aren't being met. If I could meet a girl and the chemistry was there and the conversation just flowed naturally and we could both be ourselves, then it would be more like an adventure.

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  • I feel like its a chore to be honest. People say you need to have patience but dating is simply really difficult for some people, including myself. I feel the people that tell me I need to have patience are the ones in relationships that have no idea what its actually really like for some of us.

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  • It's quite an adventure.

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  • yes, I hate how us guys are not supposed to view it as a chore

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