Racial preferences on dating websites...

When someone lists their racial preference of their date how much stock should I put in that? I get messages from guys who don't have my race listed under their preferences so I don't respond. Neither do I message a guy if he lists preferences that don't include my race. I just feel if that's the standard for you then I'm wasting my time.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If they message you, you can go ahead and ignore their preferences. If you have a picture up or a race listed, they know what they're getting into.

    Personally, I wouldn't seek out guys who aren't into my race. It's like applying to a job that requires a degree you don't have. If they come to you then that's great, but you shouldn't put effort into someone who desires something you're not when you could be putting effort into someone who does desire you.

    But it's probably not that big of a deal to most guys. I primarily like white guys an I seek them out more than any other race, but I've been extremely attracted to men of all races.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Do you have preferences? (<-rhetorical question)

    As a mixed race person I've always felt racial screening for dating is bullsh*t. "Would you prefer to date your own race?" -HA! I don't have my own race! Similarly, I think screening guys by height or income is also bullsh*t. I was making good money until I was laid-off, and despite my height I'm still either the same height or taller than the majority of women.

    At the same time though, online dating is all about screening people. Have you ever said "I don't date video gamers or nerds"? Have you ever said "I don't date people who read less than 3 books per month"? Have you ever said "The guy must be at least 5'10" and a vegetarian who plays sports"?

    Everyone has preferences. If someone reaches out to you and you ignore them, then you are demonstrating your preferences. I'd say that the person who reached out to you is better than you are in a way because he at least was trying to give you a chance!

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    • Nah I'm sorry. I don't agree. If you prefer a certain race, or especially if you list every race but my own then I have to wonder about your motives when you contact me. It's more protecting myself than anything else. Like other posters have said it's a backhanded compliment and no one wants to have to be the token. I only know this from experience of going out with a guy who had a profile like that. I'm not trying to be someone's learning experience or experiment...

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    • "When someone lists their racial preference of their date how much stock should I put in that?"

      Short Answer: My advice is to not judge a book by its cover -even if the cover *seems* to be accurate.

      Long Answer: I was trying to help you REEVALUATE your experience -not REINFORCE it. If I just nodded my head and said you were absolutely right (which you may very well be) then I will have accomplished nothing but pat you on the shoulder. Do NOT put too much stock in one bad past experience.

    • Yeah that's not the point but thanks anyways

  • I deleted my profile cause those sites just sap your money with very little outcome from how much you invest, as compared to putting forth half the effort in person to meet new people.

    When I had my profile, I built it upon a preference search. I felt that listing out my dream girl might bring me 10% closer to her than if I just said "a girl that likes to have fun"... By being specific I feel that I can articulate what I want, think of them like I stated - "a preference" not a "limitation"

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    • I guess that approach is fine but I have met some awesome people by just being more open-minded. But I feel like if a guy messages me and my race isn't listed then it's a waste of my time. It's like you can't find what you actually want so now you're "settling"

    • Great insight, maybe that explains my poor results. Thanks for responding and I'll have to work on emphasizing that it's a preference if and when I go back to the site

  • Well if he's the one messaging you then I don't see what the issue is. Clearly he though something about your pofile was worthy of an exception.

    Typically though, I would say most people are not likely to date outside of their racial preference. That's not to say they might make exceptions, but its probably not likely. That said, its online dating, go ahead and send a message, if he doesn't reply, no harm no foul.

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  • Most guys don't care that much. If you are attractive, they will message you regardless of what they put on their profile.

    Often they list a preference only because the software has that category and they think they should put down something...

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  • If they message you they're obviously interested, ever heard people saying: "You're pretty for an X race" - both compliment and an insult at the same time.. generally they may not find your X race attractive, however they do find YOU attractive

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  • I'm mixed race(black,scottish,native,normand) I have my preferences. I've never been sexually attracted to many black women maybe one or two. but I don't put it up because who knows Maybe I'll meet one online and we click. However I have noticed women screen purposely if you don't have enough income( its always about the future and stability money is always main focus I find for women if you don't got that your just a friend or a bum. even though your profile would say Looking for down to earth guy kind giving funny yadda yadda alll bs

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    • I try to list deal breakers instead of preferences so no kids, no smokers, can't be shorter than me and I'm 5'2" so that's not asking much and has similar religious beliefs. As far as income I thought you didn't have to list it? I don't because that's way too personal to me to list online. I know some girls screen for income because they either want traditional gender roles or feel that it can't work if they make more money than the guy

What Girls Said 3

  • This happened to some people.Everyone have something they find more attractive than the others.There is nothing wrong to have racial preferences in dating but I don't like people who have preferences with 'exception'

    What I mean here is for example he stated in his profile how he prefer this race and that race which isn't include me and my race.(I am Indian)

    That is fine but I won't consider them if they come and say 'I normally don't find your race to be attractive,but I think you are beautiful.I don't want to be the token exception of my own race.One you stated what you like,you should stay with that.I don't like back handed compliment.

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    • Yes I completely agree. I usually only respond to or message those who have many race listed otherwise I have to wonder what their motives are.

    • *my race listed

    • Yes its funny how some of them can change what they like when they are listing something different.

  • It's not that difficult, stick to what you like and ignore the rest. :)

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  • They are just preferences. You're entitled to them too

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