Ladies, do you have person reasons that would make you hesitant to date a black guy?

As a black American male, I hate to say this but this is a fact, pardon me if the below paragraph makes you uncomfortable:

due to how mass American media portrays black males so negatively, with my interactions with females (including black females), I am most of the time "swimming upstream" because I am in most cases having to dispel negative black male stereotypes. This is especially true for those females that haven't interacted with many black males in person. So the idea that "race doesn't matter" when it comes to dating, is false in my case as well as for other black men.

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So ladies I am asking all of you; do you have any personal hesitancy towards dating a black guy?

Please vote on the poll and reply as much as you wish about your views on this topic. Anonymous answering is allowed for your privacy if you feel you need the protection to answer in detail.

Thank you for your candid input.

  • I haven't found an available black guy that I find physically attractive and a "personality and value match"
    18% (3)0% (0)12% (3)Vote
  • I think/know my family is prejudice/racist towards interracial dating of any race
    0% (0)12% (1)4% (1)Vote
  • I think/know that my family is open to interracial dating but are prejudice/racists towards black males
    0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
  • I have had or heard about bad experiences involving black males and those "stick in my mind" and make me hesitant to date a black guy
    6% (1)12% (1)8% (2)Vote
  • I have zero problems with me dating a black guy / I'm dating a black guy now
    76% (13)76% (6)76% (19)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a really interesting question, and I'm glad you asked it. I'm American, for the record, because I know we have some unique history re: black/white race relations.

    Personally, I've never seen a black guy who I thought (solely judging appearances) was attractive. Not to say that these guys aren't objectively good-looking - it's just that they're not really my type.

    Beyond that, though, there are a lot of cultural factors that push me away from dating a black guy, ranging from making me uncomfortable to making me afraid around them as a group.

    It seems like so much of "black" culture that makes it into pop culture glorifies violence and money. Within this, men are supposed to be some kind of hyper-macho, "f*** the haters" beings, while women are kind of absent from the scene other than being described as sex objects. There's a really strong anti-intellectual bent within this group, too. All of that bothers me a lot, so when I see some black guy dressed like a rapper, all these negative thoughts come up. This goes as well for anybody who's dressed like they might belong to a gang.

    Beyond that, just like anybody else, I want to fit in. Black culture is, by definition, something that excludes me, and something I'm mostly unfamiliar with. I would feel really uncomfortable meeting the friends and family of a black guy I'm dating because I would be afraid of being excluded, alienated, or singled out. I know there's still a lot of racial tension between various ethnic groups, so I'd be worried that some black people would hate me just because I'm a privileged white girl, because I have an education and some money, or because they feel personally wronged by all white people in general.

    In short, I agree that mass media portrays black men in a poor light, and "swimming upstream" is an apt metaphor - I certainly have (and I think lots of others do, too) a lot of preconceived notions about what black men do and how they act, and all that does a pretty good job of scaring me off.

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What Girls Said 14

  • I wouldn't date a guy of any race that's a macho or disrespectful and things like that. But I would give the guy a chance, if I don't like him AFTer I get to know him then I wouldn't be with him.

    I have seen a lot of black guys that are hot, but there aren't a lot of black people in my town. My family isn't racist

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    • I know that Maine isn't necessarily a place with a sizable black population, no worries :-P

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    • no sarcasm, that's just me being silly by making a serious statement and using an emoticon to lighten the mood again :)

    • oh OK :)

  • Only one stereotype (don't know how much is true, though) always bothered me about dating a black guy and since you were so polite in your description I would put it this way - big ding dong. Big ding dong + small girl = ? (this is not a joke, I'm for real)

    Other than that I actually find myself very attracted to black people and asian...and all when I think about it. It's just where I live not many black guys and those who live here are already taken.

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    • forgot to write that I voted E, cause that thing that kinda always bothered me doesn't come from experience or real knowledge nor do I see it as a problem into why I wouldn't date a black guy. (just don't make fun of me for the ding dong thingy, please)

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    • I'm 150m high and 40-41kg I think that's around 4,11 ft and 88,2lb which is little :)

    • I used a converter for that...

  • I'm actually mixed race (black and white) so I obviously don't have anything against black men. For me, it's just a matter of finding the right one. To be honest, it's hard to find one that isn't about that hood life, isn't a player and is attractive. I need to be able to relate to the guy I'm with, but I'm not into smoking weed, getting drunk and being with someone who's gonna play me. And that's all I've found. Not to mention the guys who are scary and seem to have bad tempers and be violent. Unfortunately it's not just media giving black men those names. Instead of rising above stereotypes and trying to live a clean life, unfortunately (at least where I live) they just choose to stick to that stereotype and it feels like the majority of black man do. I would love a sexy black man who will treat me right, who wants to live a clean and successful life but that's very hard to find.

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  • i'm not hesitant to date a black guy. I'm hesitant to date a stupid guy. I'm on a college campus so I'm in a pretty good place to see that there are black men trying to do things with their lives. the media does shed quite a light on a black men whenever he does wrong, but it's unfair to hold it over the head of the group. people are different. it's the same thing with me; trying to prove to people that I'm not some loud, twerking, baby mama. I'm actually quite the opposite and just want a good relationship. I think people should be looked at for who they are and not generalized by what someone has shown them to be true for a small population.

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  • For me personally i grew up in a area quite populated with black people and dated several black men my first real boyfriend being black at 17 he was 27 and dated 4 years. Unfortunately he was full of promises and towards the end of the relationship he was desperate to make me fall pregnant. Second one i dated was like the perfect guy to start with then became controlling started beating me and had to find ways of mentally/physically hurting me. Dated others but it didn't work out i am now happily married to a guy (white) and have children. I have nothing against black males it just did not work for me.

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  • Well ill tell you this, I'm white , but like I'm from Lebanon and f***ing love black guys. Ahaha no joke, I prefer them way more than white guys

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  • I don't have a problem with dating a black guy

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  • I'm just not attracted to black guys, even though some are gorgeous. I don't know why.

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    • Do you think that it's a "personality/value conflict" between you and the 'gorgeous black guys' you've met?

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    • Funny how a "gorgeous" guy doesn't turn you on physically. Some girls are so strange! :-P

    • Sometimes, it's purely pheromones, I tell ya.

  • I have a similar story to @ Anon with Danish bf.

    I should say first though, I'm not American / in America so haven't lived within the same media environment as you.

    I am white and my late partner was black (British Caribbean) and a lovely man - masculine yet caring, respectful to women, funny, very 'straight edge' (no drinking, no drugs, no smoking). I had no preconceptions of black men before we started dating, and marriage was on the cards...

    I am now more conscious and critical of how black people are portrayed in the media, but I take each person I meet as an individual, and perceive them based on who they are as a person / how they treat people & themselves, regardless of race and other commonly used 'groupable' characteristics (age, even gender to an extent).

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  • Yes.

    I feel that the black men of this era are usually self-hating and ignornat. Yes, there are surely some black men who do not fit into that category, but quite frankly I don't have the patience to wait around for them. I hate to say this but it's true; Black men usually don't have their sh*t together. Whether it's going around and spredding their seed then not taking care of it, or actually taking care of it and having like 2, 3, and sometimes 4 kids with different mothers, in jail, not motivated to be extremely successful, perpetuate negative images of black men, or obsess over non-black females which makes me feel like some object. I'm sorry and I hope this doesn't offend but black men tend to equal bullsh*t and I just don't want to make time for that at this point in my ilfe

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  • I'm a white lady, boyfriend is black. He isn't the first non-white guy I've dated but first black, he treats me well and much better than previous boyfriends.

    He doesn't quite fit much of the stereotype of black men portrayed by the media though as he grew up in Denmark and his mom is Danish.

    He is 28. Almost a millionaire through his own work and investments. He is well qualified, well read with plenty of interest in British literature, a true craftsman that is attentive to details, he speaks and writes well, very articulate in his conduct.

    He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, doesn't listen to music of any kind, doesn't watch tv, doesn't get into fights and he doesn't behave like a thug.

    My mom loves him and gets on very well with him. Dad hates him though. While the real reason behind it is jealousy that he does well for himself, he uses that he is black as a reason to dislike him. He tried doing a background check on him as he was convinced he was a fraud but dad never found so much as a parking ticket on him nor does he have any criminal record.

    He is a keeper though he has said he will return to Denmark in the very near future :(

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  • I've yet to not see many black guys who don't act out the stereotype. I would be willing to date one if they didn't all act so immature like kids (from my experience) and all sag their pants below their ass. There was this black guy I was interested in but he would only listen to rap and hip hop abotu nonsense and not willing to work hard for anything. Again these are my experiences but the majority often go out of their way to portray the stereotypes which doesn't help. I respect ones that don't

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  • I don't mind dating a black guy

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  • I'm white and I would date a black guy...it wouldn't bother me or my family. I just find myself more attracted to white guys for whatever reason..?

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    • Nothing wrong with being on average more attracted to other races lol.

    • lol good because I can't help it

    • Not that I haven't seen some damn hot black men I'd like to date :-P They don't seem to be interested in me either lol

What Guys Said 2

  • Good points.

    But I think there are some white women who are actually more attracted to black men. That's also a form of prejudice, though in this case beneficial for black men. As a straight male who's neither black nor white, I must admit black men often come across as manlier than white men. I'm not talking physically (where that's often not the case) but in terms of behavior /emotions. So many white guys come across as emasculated p******. You can thank feminism for that lol.

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  • Seems like a good portion of them like black guys. So they are saying it and not following through? Or all of those girls are just not enough?

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