Have I set my own expectations of Women too high?

So I'm single and always have been, but the particular woman I'm looking for doesn't seem to exist, at least around here.

I just dream of dating a proper lady, one who I can take out for walks and not feel afraid of showing her my sensitive side. Then when I see Women dating the complete opposite of me; rude, disrespectful and quite frankly not polite that disheartens me.

Could it be due to me reading too many fantasy stories and watching too many films? Could it be me? Could it be my location? I just wish someone could help me here. :/

Updates:
So it seems that Men are saying one thing and Women are saying the complete opposite.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • no. that's just fine. its honest and real and you don't seem like a coward as indicated below. you just don't present as delusional, as do the persons below.

    im sorry you haven't found anyone genuine, but I don't think what you want is at all unreasonable.

    I find it very difficult to open up or admit how I feel about anything, so I prefer he guy is able to. it adds humanity to the relationship.

    i fond guys who pretend to not feel anything, or worse, who think being an adult means bullsh*tting, to be very unattractive cowardly fake and boring.

    you are a man. what it means to be a manis w/e you make of it.

    you can't follow someone elses rule of what being a man is then turn around and say you are strong and independent. the guys answering below seem to think they can be brain washed AND strong independent thinkers. nope.

    Im quite sure Nazis were forbidden to show emotion because it was not 'manly', and they did not make this decision on their own nor were they strong.. they were wiped out for a reason, because to be cold and heartless lack compassion or any genuine comprehension of your own motivation, emotionality. humanity, , 'insensitve' is against humanity, and you necessarily end up doing atrocious condemnable acts. ... because without humanity you're just a drone.

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    • @So it seems that Men are saying one thing and Women are saying the complete opposite

      ___________Well of the two you prefer to date Women -No?

      ;)

What Girls Said 12

  • Here's the thing.

    What you say is sweet. But for the record, women don't only date jerks.

    I think you need to stop analyzing things the way you are. I'M not trying to judge here, but based one what I'm reading here and trying to understand the situation, there's a chance you're too quick to judge the women you meet.

    There are girls out there who are as complicated as you are inside and are waiting for the right guy. But you can't understand what a person is like in a day.

    Try to get to KNOW some girls, and then see if you can't find one who fills your criteria.

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  • "Rude, disrespectful and quite frankly not polite" is exactly the type of guy I run away from.

    I understand what you're talking about. I've been moving places and countries ever since I was a kid and, although people's view might change a bit, the "main problem" of not fitting in still remains. I think it's me/ us, maybe the way we were brought up, and there isn't much we can do about it except have some faith...

    Well, let me know if you ever find the solution! Or maybe that's the person you're looking for.

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  • Well, how can you tell? Even the girls who seems great may hide big flaws. And if they always choose the douche bags because of appearance, they are really shallow.

    NO ONE and NO RELATIONSHIP is perfect. Perfection is impossible, and, frankly, boring. You should give the "not so perfect" girls their chance and learn to love their flaws, because this is what make everyone unique.

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  • Sometimes changing city / country can really work wonders! You end up discovering new people with new approaches to life... and in my case I fell in love with an American after many years of being single in my home country (not for lack of trying). :) Be honest in what you are looking for and stick to it! You'll find it.

    And all the time you have waited... it will have been worth it.

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  • You are yourself and that puts you miles ahead of guys acting the big man in my opinion. It's not at all a bad thing that you want to show your sensitive side. Guys do feel even if some deny it or don't think so. We all act in response to our feelings and most girls can read that even if he claims he's not sensitive. So many problems (for me) are caused by guys trying to make it look like they don't care. And I for one don't want to date an emotionally dead guy. But on the other hand I don't want date a guy who sequels with delight or cries when you try to tell him he did something that you didn't like. Emotions shouldn't interfere with communication.

    I can't tell you if your standards are too high. It depends on how specific they are.

    Yes women will date obnoxious guys. They are often quicker to make a move. Good guys tend to think about it for too long which can appear as a low level of interest.

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    • The last part of your answer is actually it, that's what it is! I do over think and analyze situations and people, so I guess I'll need to work on that.

  • I think it depends on where you're planning on meeting these women. You're not going to find a classy lady in a bar or club. It's much harder to find someone proper, especially because guys don't want women to be proper any more and women feel the need to conform. Proper girls are harder to find, but they're out there. Look in class or work or on paid dating websites or something, but don't go onto the normal dating scene if you want to find a classy girl.

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  • Wow lol you have gotten a lot of hate for having emotions. I want a guy who can open up to me, someone who is there for me and allows me to be there for him. You are clearly looking at the wrong type. I'm not sure what exactly you mean by being a "lady",but not all woman are that impolite.

    However, I would prefer that a guy is less emotional than me, but he can be emotional too. The strong silent type may be ideal in theory, but is definitely not in practice.

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    • I'm not going to cry if I get a cut on my leg, I mean it in the sense that I'm not afraid to show when I'm upset or angered. I won't just bottle them up, I get them out there and then.

    • See I find that good. I want to know that I am relied on as much as I rely on them.

  • Not all women are rude, disrespectful and impolite. You just need to look in different places. I would never act that way towards a guy I cared about.

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  • I don't see any problem with wanting to find a woman like that, then again, I'm a bit old fashioned

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  • Those standards aren't too high

    It's just that women want the alpha dude not some wimp that can't hold his own

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  • I don't think you have many standards at all, to be honest. You want a woman who will be willing to be sensitive with you and be open to receiving your emotions and honest feelings as well. Okay, good. You just said you'd be good with just about 90% of the female population.

    What I do think, is you're not giving women enough time to open up. Most women are guarded and don't automatically open up and get deep like what you seem to want right away. It took my boyfriend and I months before we felt we could open up totally. If you're expecting that right away, you won't ever find a girl good enough.

    You sound like a good guy. But just know that not everyone is going to open up right away and the fact that you seem to do so can be off putting to many of them.

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  • Your post doesn't really tell much about you or the type of woman you'd like to find.

    You're sensitive and she should be... what? Accepting?

    How sensitive are you? I would like to be with a guy who can stand up for me, who doesn't take sh*t from people, but when you get to know someone, you also want to know what they're thinking, what they're going thru, listen to each other...

    But I def would not like a boyfriend who is afraid of his own shadow, and I say something wrong and he instantly gets hurt and upset instead of talking about it.

    But to be honest, I cannot answer your question because it's too vague...

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    • Please believe me when I say that I'm sensitive I'm not a crybaby or a big girls blouse. I am not ashamed of telling someone how I feel, I'm not afraid of speaking my mind. One thing I don't stand for is abuse, regardless of what it is.

      Ideally she'd be accepting yes, she'd want me to be a better person. She'd also be similar to me, not exactly the same because I do like difference.

    • It doesn't matter who you are and what you are like tho, seriously. I mean it when I say that there is someone for everyone! Some girls like jerks, some girls like dorks, some girls like sensitive guys, some girls like muscular men, some girls like other girls... so I'm sure lots of girls like you, you just have to get over their little imperfections, and things that might not be ideal, and just go out, ask a few girls out, travel alone if you can - that way you'll meet lots of people and get

What Guys Said 11

  • I wouldn't say your standards are too high, it is amazingly difficult to find a refined, classy woman in todays society. Most of the girls I know curse frequently, loudly talk about bodily functions, judge often, and have no hobbies or interests.

    I have met a couple of really amazing girls, but they're all in relationships.

    I don't even care about looks all that much, as long as you take care of yourself, I'll probably think you're pretty good looking. I just want a partner that can teach me as much as I can teach her, not a self-conscious child that I need to raise.

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    • In a day and age like this, it's truly difficult to find someone who has a similar viewpoint on dating to myself. Seems some people can't believe people can find others attractive for who they are, not what they are.

  • Setting standards "too high" involves things like "She has to have perfectly blond hair and 0% body fat and wear this fashion of clothing and live in her own house" etc etc.

    But I agree with others on the sensitive side. Wanting to show off a sensitive side tells a woman that you're not confident, are scared of your own shadow, and will cry over dumb things and take out all your emotional problems on her.

    Women dating dirtbags does happen, but a lot of the guys that emotional trainwreck boys will call douche bags aren't even douche bags. They are just labeled that because he can't get to go out with her now.

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    • So Guys that flirt with other women when their Girlfriends are right next to them aren't douche bags? Or Guys that cheat on their partners when they have amazing people dating them? Psssh.

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    • I was thinking the same thing, thanks Toulouse.

    • If you're hanging out with people who do those things simply find better people to hang out with. It's not your problem. I can see why women are put off by you now. You're too focused on negative situations instead of progressing to positive things.

      My sensitive side comment is what is perceived by others. Even if he doesn't intend to do so, that's what it looks like.

  • How often to you actively approach women that you are attracted to? It sounds like you are just using "women date jerks" as an excuse not to try. There are so many women out there, so there's no way you can generalize them and say they are all like that. Get out there and start talking to more of them. Hypothetically, if you would have to approach 1000 girls just to find one that is perfect for you, wouldn't it still be worth it? (and it definitely won't even take that many in reality)

    As for being sensitive, that's fine, but don't show it immediatly. You can be a gentleman, but on the first few dates, girls want to make sure you're a fun guy that they like spending time with, and talking about your feelings isn't exactly exciting. If you want to show your sensitive side, do it through stories that you can make funny/interesting. Also, make sure you know the difference between being a gentleman and being a doormat.

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  • Women want to date men. If you manage to find a date and then halfway through dinner start sniveling and wimpering about your dead dog or how much you mother means to you, she'll either get up and leave, or invite you to be her friend so she'll have someone to wimper with. If you feel the need to get in touch with your sensitive self do it in the attic.

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  • If you have ANY expectations of women you're off to a bad start. Women are so different you can't expect one to do something another does. Same goes for people in general. What you should be focusing on is yourself and how to translate your desires onto her. Don't expect her to do anything, it should be all about you. Later on is when yes, she will put in her part, but its a mans duty to be the base.

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  • I think that a very important part of the equation you're missing is that more and more women are not showing that "sweet sensitive side" of themselves to everyday people in public.

    They have their "game face" on, mainly as a defense mechanism to prevent getting screwed over by other guys, most likely because these girls have been screwed over in the past.

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  • not really. I think you set your standards of being a MAN too low.

    nothing wrong having a "sensitive side" and being a caring person, but coming across as a little twinkie ain't good. women (in general) don't want/need a twinkie - they have their own girl friends for that.

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    • I wouldn't say I'm like that at all. Kind of realize that's how I've come off as though.

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    • So I'm more feminine because I chose to follow a career dominated by Women? So the fact I get along great with kids isn't the dominating factor? Stop talking arse before you judge me.

    • Wow, you've some serious issues. Are you always so hateful towards people who have a gift for healing and caring? Heaven forbid you had an accident and I had to look after you.

  • You need to go on dates. Its not immoral. Don't expect any woman to be perfect or you will always set yourself for failure.

    Dont go by any romance book or movie.

    It is still make believe and they are made to have a happy ending.

    Writers write that way to capture the audience attention

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  • Thailand or the Philippines, bro.

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    • this sounds like hookers

    • All women are. The only thing women have to exchange for commitment is sex. Just go for the ones that offer and added value to the transaction.

  • remember women say they like average looking nice guys , so they are obviously false

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  • your standards aren't too high the problem is, with all due respect and I'm not trying to troll, you sound like a dork. girls don't want to date dorks.

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