Do Female Dumpers Expect A Guy To Come Back And Get Upset if They Don't?

My ex dumped months ago because she said she never loved. In fairness, I took her for granted and didn't tell her I loved her after about a year of dating.

When she broke up with me, I then realized what I lost and poured my heart to her in a handwritten letter, then email, and finally in person. She still rejected me.

I then went NC for about 2 months. We saw each other 2 events with mutual friends. While the encounters were awkward, they were cordial. I was glad that we could at least be civil, even though deep down I wanted her back. I just couldn't bring myself to chase her after I already tried and she had said some hurtful things to me during the breakup.

A month went by and when I saw her again, she was not cordial at all, but cold and rude. I was stunned and hurt. I later found out tha she had been asking around if I was dating someone and was convinced that I was. In fact, I was seen by her friends with a female friend and went on some casual dates. Nothing serious.

Was I supposed to call her again after our initial post breakup friendly encounter? Is being friendly to an ex they way a woman signals that she wants him to call her back? Did I misread the signs? I know she is attractive and is used to getting hit on a lot (even, she told me, by married ex boyfriends), but she dumped me! Why is she upset now that I didn't call or that I started dating again, assuming those are the reasons she went cold? I am perplexed.

Updates:
I recently saw my ex on the street and I decided to take the high road by giving her a smile and wave. She smiled and waved back, but it seemed forced.


Would most women think I was being creepy? I did not approach her and want nothing from her at this point but peace and no hard feelings.


Would it have been better to ignore her completely.


I feel I did the right thing, but I am curious as to the women's point of view. Thanks.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The only one that can truly anser you is her,u can text her to find out .If she doesn't anser u,the hell w her head games

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    • You are right, but I refuse to reach out to her.

    • I don't blame u, actions speak louder than words anyways

    • Very things in life are truer than that statement.

What Girls Said 2

  • No. Unless it was an impulsive decision, by the time someone actually works up the courage to dump you they've likely been considering it for awhile.

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    • Thanks. I think my ex thought about the breakup long and hard before actually doing it. But, then why act cold after she found out I started dating again? After all, she did say that she wanted to remain friends, assuming that is even possible.

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    • It means that to her, your bad relationship qualities outweigh the good ones. Good ones are still there, she just doesn't see you as compatible with her anymore but she still cares for you and is sad someone else will et the good.

    • That seems reasonable. When we first started dating I found a pro/con list she made of me. At the time the pro list outnumbered the cons, but I guess that changed somewhere down the line.

  • U R THE BETTER PERSON SO DONT EVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF

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    • Thanks. I appreciate the comment. I will continue to take the high road even she doesn't.

      I just thought a smile and wave from an ex, especially the dumpee, may be perceived as creepy.n

      Nevertheless, I don't get why she can't be gracious. She dumped me, after all.

What Guys Said 2

  • She dumps you, then she doesn't want to see you dating anyone else. Strange creatures, these females... The only thing I would say you did wrong is trying to beg for her to take you back after she dumped you. Begging is not manly behavior; don't do that again! Aside from that, I find that the "no contact" approach works best after a breakup. You're not together anymore; you don't owe her anything. Your decision to keep your distance from her and live your own life was the right one.

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    • Thanks. I still think that trying once after the breakup was the right thing to do because I thought there was miscommunication (i.e. I didn't tell her I loved her). Maybe it was begging..not sure. But I am glad I didn't continue chasing after that although I was friendly.

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    • Like I said, I also think I took her for granted and didn't always place her at the top of my priority list. So, no, I probably didn't always show it, although I did try at times...maybe not enough. But, I realized my mistakes afterward and tried to make amends, but most likely too little to late then.

    • Right. Once she dumps you, the show is over.

  • Strange, I too want to know more about this, I think girls expect guys to crawl back to them regardless whether they actually want them back of not, needless to say she was stunned when you didn't and ended up dating others (she doesn't know it's casual).

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    • strange indeed, brother. She told me during the breakup that while we could be friends and I could call her for coffee sometime, she had too "full of a life" to ever call me for coffee. That comment, along with her dumping me, prevented me from ever calling her, even after she was cordial months later. I also was turned off how she told me how exes would call her for hookups. I wanted to be the one ex who never crawled back, even though it would have been nice for her to call me.

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    • I know...just sucks we couldn't be friendlier with each other. I guess I was a bit excited when she was warmer at first. This is probably why clean breaks are best..no pretense of false friendship and therefore false hope. If she really didn't want me back and just wanted the ego boost of me coming back to her, then I am glad I did not and that I started dating. Maybe she will learn next time to either keep a good guy or go after him once he's gone.

    • I don't have time for girls like that thinking about it my ex wasted 5 years of my life, needless to say a lot of money as well

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